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How do I break up with this liar I love?

Tagged as: Breaking up, Cheating, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 October 2014) 6 Answers - (Newest, 15 October 2014)
A female United States age 51-59, *scarky writes:

Dear Cupid,

I've met this guy ten months ago. He seemed like a decent individual. We took our time to get to know one another. We've been intimate approximately 6 times throughout the 10 months of dating. I've always been skeptical about somethings about him. I periodically ask him if he's dating/seeing other women. "No" is always the answer.

Something in my gut tells me this man is lieing continually. I recently found out that this man lives right behind me on the very next block, with a woman and children. I also peeped that our children go to the same school. When he sees me at the school he hides. Last night he came over and had on a wedding band, then he tried to be slick about it and take it off like I never seen it. How do I break up with the man I now love, considering we live in the same neighborhood? Im feel so dumb, especially when all the puzzle pieces started to fit. What can I do to move forward.

View related questions: liar, period, wedding

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A female reader, eyeswideopen United States +, writes (15 October 2014):

eyeswideopen agony auntI'm with Cindy, I'd be mad as hell at this guy. The only thing I'd be torn about would be whether to use "cheating asshole" or "asshole cheater" in my breakup text/phone call. Also tell him he'd better leave you totally alone or you'll expose his despicable behavior to all who will listen. Then put it all behind you as quick as you can and move forward, I don't think the road will be all that bumpy after all.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (15 October 2014):

CindyCares agony aunt Pardon me, but you are so torn between what and what ?...

I don't see that you have much of a choice, unless you are a masochist who loves being ridiculed, humiliated and made a fool of.

The guy is married with children, and he did not even had the guts to TELL you and let you CHOOSE your own mistakes.

He just involved you in something shady , counting on your gullibility. Unluckily, it worked.

How do you move on ?

Try being MAD, to begin with. No, I do not suggest you ,of course ,to harbour anger and resentment forever- you'll have to process those feelings and let them go ,in future.

But at this stage, I actually feel that anger is HEALTHY. It's what allows you to detach yourself from this cad, and to think of him in different terms and under a different light.

No more " uuuuuhhhh I love him.... I miss him ... " , but :

" Good for both of us that we are giving each other a wide berth. Otherwise I'd be very tempted to choke him with my bare hands, and it's certainly not worth it to become a convict and ruin my life for such a scumbag ".

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A male reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (15 October 2014):

olderthandirt agony auntthere is no here here, He sounds like a spooky old dude that could be trouble. Keep your distance.

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A female reader, mscarky United States +, writes (15 October 2014):

mscarky is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Thanks for the advice, I'm so torn. He doesn't know that I have all this information. He think everything is all good. It's really unfortunate how people take advantage of others and their feelings. It's going to be a bumpy road to bounce back. Thanks again.

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (14 October 2014):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntYou commence to IGNORING him...in every way.....

.... and, if/when he asks: "Do I detect that you are ignoring me?" YOU say: "I'm sorry, are you talking to me?"

He should get the "picture."

Good luck.....

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (14 October 2014):

Honeypie agony auntHow do you dump him?

TEXT him if you can't do it in person.

Tell him that you have realized that you can not be with him, as he is already with someone. That you will cut the contact 100% and that he should respect that and never get in touch with you again.

Then you block his number and delete his number and move on.

You don't LOVE this man, you love the "fantasy guy" he "sold" you. THAT isn't him. The REAL guy... he is the two timing loser who hides when he sees you at your kids school. What a coward.

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