A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:how can i get more confidence and make friends, i always feel uncomfortable around people because i have no confidence because i have no confidence .
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male
reader, Neboraic +, writes (25 August 2009):
Been there, done that. Its all about experience, the more you do it, the easier it will become. Those first few times will be as scary as hell but eventually the fear will disappear. All you need is an opening line (it doesnt have to be great) to pretend you arent scared. The more scared you look, the smaller your chances. Also, keep the topic simple. Avoid opening lines that have one word responses because they might not turn into conversation (ive looked like an idiot a few times because of this). For some people, if its obvious you want a conversation (rather than asking a question) they will help out.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2009): I get the sense you lack self confidence. Are you overcoming some childhood trauma, or are you just naturally shy?
It seems like you are awkward in social situations, meeting new people. Here's a little trick...
When meeting new people interview them. Ask them where they live, grew up, went to school, do in leisure time, where they have vacationed, where they want to vacation, what food they like, where they dine out, do they like sports... etc...
You can interject pieces of yourself into the conversation topic by topic. You'll also find out quickly if this person you met would make a good friend.
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A
male
reader, q1605  +, writes (24 August 2009):
 The only way to have a friend is to be a friend.
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A
male
reader, Code Warrior + ♥, writes (24 August 2009):
 Confidence stems from knowing what you want in life, what you want in your relationships, and not being ashamed of who you are and what you like.The following 12 step program to confidence assume that you are basically a kind and gentle person:Step 1: Understand the person you are.Step 2: Understand the person you want to become.Step 3: Begin making every decision regardless of how big or how small as if you are already the person you want to become. Ask youself - what would my new self do? Then do it. You will become the person you wish to be over time. You will be one step ahead of everyone else because you will understand EXACTLY who you are and WHY you are who you are. That, my friend, is the key to sex appeal.Step 4: Realize that confidence is not a goal. It comes from taking the journey to the person you want to become and it is a journey that will last a lifetime. During your journey you may re-make yourself many times as you learn what works for you and what doesn't. Stick with it and don't give up.Step 5: Accept that you are human and you are entitled to make mistakes. Learn from them and move on. Turn your embarrassing moments into funny stories about yourself. Feel free to embellish them to make yourself look like a complete clown. Allow people to laugh at your silliness without you feeling ashamed and hurt. Remember that there is not a single person on the planet that has NO embarrassing moments in their lives. It makes people feel good to know that they are not the only idiots out there. Allowing them to laugh at your silliness helps heal their own wounds.Step 6: Understand that regardless of who you are and who you will become there will be people that like you and people that won't.Step 7: Accept step 6 and don't worry about why some people don't like you. Focus on those that do and accept that the people that don't like you are the one with the problem.Step 8: Welcome the people that like you into your life without requiring them to conform to your view of the world. Endeavor to see things from their point of view - walk a few miles in their shoes as it were. You will learn a lot about life that way.Step 9: Accept that people are human and are entitled to make mistakes just like you - even if they hurt your feelings.Step 10: Accept that people who make mistakes that hurt your feelings probably did not intend to do so. Forgive them, but do not become their doormat. As you progress you will learn when you are being used as a doormat. Until you do, assume that people have the best intentions.Step 11: Do not tolerate being someone's doormat. Better to be alone than be a doormat.Step 12:People have good qualities and bad qualitites. Nobody is perfect. Determine the good qualities you like and the bad ones that you don't like. For the bad qualities, determine what kinds you can live with and what kinds you can't live with. Form relationships with people whose good qualities outwiegh their bad qualities and make sure that thier bad qualities are things you can live with. If you cannot accept a person's bad qualities, then terminate your relationship with them. Accept them for who they are or stop dealing with them. Do not ask them to change.That is my 12 step program to confidence. There are many more details to fill in. That is your job to figure them all out. After all, it is your life. Make it a good one.
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A
male
reader, urbanking99 +, writes (24 August 2009):
This is a question that could have so many different answers. In my personal opinion and from what I have experienced in the last couple of years (for me anyway) it is simply believing in yourself and what you can do. Of course it also helps that you have a target or a goal in life to which you can aim. Disregard any negative feelings you may have, and especially those of your family whose negative thoughts can feed directly into you.Become your own person, live your own life and decide you want to meet people. If you see someone in the street you like or maybe interested in as a partner. Chat to them and just go from there, but make sure you do get an e-mail or a telephone number from them. I made the mistake a few weeks ago of chatting to someone I met and thought "WOW", but foolishly never got an e-mail or contact number and now I have to search the USA for this woman! You would think I would know better at my age but we can always learn. I wish you every success.
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