A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi, this may well be a silly question but i thought id ask just in case you had any good advise. Well I'm a single 19 yr old female and i don't have any real guy friends which bugs me because i love guys company. I've been told that I'm quite flirtatious in my nature which I don't mean to be and this usually causes complications because they usually start thinking that I'm hitting on them when all i really want is to be their mate, hang out and go places this then usually results in them backing off as some off them just either aren't interested in me that way but like me as a friend or they have partners and don't think its fair on them. So finally my question is how do i become friends with a guy without giving them the impression that I want to sleep with them or want a relationship?Men your imput would really be appreciated on this one!Thank you xxx
View related questions:
flirt Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (18 May 2007):
 You can not have it both ways. If you act flirtatious, you have to expect that guys are going to take it as a sign you want more. If you really want to make him understand that you only want to be friends, treat him as a friend, stop flirting with him, becuase you are leading him on. Or is it that you just enjoy all the attention you get from teasing him?
-FBK
A
female
reader, xxxsoulsistaxxx +, writes (17 May 2007):
 This is a tricky one because men seem to think than any woman who talks to them wants more than friendship. You just have to set up camp as soon as you start to interact with them. It's funny how quickly someone can form an opinion of you and what you want from them.
Make sure there is no fliring whatsoever from the start of meeting them. They will start to feel more comfortable with you. Talk about their partners and allow them to open up to you, this will show them you are not intimidated.
Lot's of women like to have male friends and it is possible, it just takes time as human nature is to want to be with them in another way sometimes. Be patient and never give them any reason to think you want more. If in doubt, just tell them, you're not interested in that way, you just wana chat!
Good luck
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2007): This is a more difficult one because (IME), a lot of guys seem to always go for things at face value, or at least ponder on it and think a girl that want to spend time with them means she likes him, etc. That sensitivity is dependent on the person, and unless you want to keep a distance unnaturally, then the friendship may become strained anyway.
What I would suggest however, is that you don't put yourself in possible compromising positions - eg: don't start out your friendship by inviting him over for a one on one movie night at your place - always have a third person with you. Until your friendship is more established, then you can gauge on whether you want to see him on a one on one basis.
Another thing to be mindful about is your interactions with him. Most guys think that a hug, a smile, and laughing at anything he says is a good sign that you like him. It's fine being flirtatious, but if you know that the guy you're interested in for a friend may be sensitive to that sort of thing, then you should cut-back on being flirtatious with him at least initially.
Being a groups always helps, or having a third person there always helps too - especially if it's another guy. Then again, ultimately, it all comes down to the guy himself and his sensitivities.
...............................
A
male
reader, forgonepath  +, writes (17 May 2007):
If they have girlfriends, talk to them about their girlfriends. If they're single, tell them how you think them and xyz would make a good couple. I had a friend who I liked a lot but she always talked to me about other girls in my life. This showed me that she wasn't interested in me "like that" or she wouldn't be mentioning other girls all the time. You could also just tell them how you're interested in some other guy, this would get them to drop their barriers and it'll put you in their "friend zone."
...............................
|
