A
female
age
30-35,
*dx1012
writes:My personality has always been very jokester and very sarcastic (think of every character on Roseanne type of sarcastic) and I? know when to be serious and turn it off, but in my everyday life it is just who I? am. But I’ve been dating this guy for almost three months and he is totally the dominant type, thing is what first attracted me to him is that he reminded me of myself! And I? loved that, but of course nothing can stay perfect and he did ask me if I? could tone down the sarcasm and “know when not to say anything” I? really like this guy and I? know I? should never change myself to be with anyone, but I? really want to give it a shot. Any tips on being more of a submissive girlfriend I? suppose? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 November 2017):
 Good for you.
I have seen (especially) women who change to please their partner and they become a shadow of their "former" self and well, the guy dumps them. Because? She is no longer the woman he fell for...
Be who you are. If you DO think you are a BIT snarky and should perhaps tone it down a little, then do so. Because YOU want to tone it down. NOT because a guy you have only really know for 3 months TELLS you that you HAVE to.
It's OK to make adjustments in a relationship and over time, but these adjustments should make SENSE - not be "demands" from either partner.
And while I get that you find a "take charge" kind of man attractive, he shouldn't be "in charge" of YOUR personality. Right?
Chin up. Sometimes you find someone who has a lot of good qualities but isn't a good match. And sometimes you meet someone who seems like a good match but the more you get to know him... the less you have in common or like the person.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (30 November 2017):
 I'm glad you've made a decision about him - arguments shouldn't be happening so soon. That said, learning a bit of tact wouldn't hurt :)
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A
female
reader, Kdx1012 +, writes (30 November 2017):
Kdx1012 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks ladies! You know when I was writing this out I realized how crazy it sounded. Honestly he’s just one of those people that likes to be in control to make up for what he “lacks” If you get what I’m saying, but after another argument he’s been canceled from my life. Thank you :)
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (30 November 2017):
If he wants to be submissive, run away.
If he just wants you to be less sarcastic and more aware of how it comes across, that's a basic life skill.
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A
female
reader, Dionee'  +, writes (30 November 2017):
 I don´t get how this guy was initially attracted to you if he now wants you to change.
I always say, in a relationship, someone naturally has to be less for his/her partner to be more.
Quite frankly, I also have a dominant personality so I could and would never tone down who I am to suit someone else but that´s just me. I can see that this looks really important to you, so much so that you´re willing to tone yourself down for this guy. Quite frankly, I don´t think anyone is worth me changing for if it doesn´t improve my quality of life. Which I doubt that this will do.
Think about it for a second right; why would anyone who really cares about you ask you to be less of yourself? as if you´re too annoying to handle as is?!
I don´t know dear. If you want to change yourself for this guy then go ahead but to me, that would be a major red flag if someone had asked me to do the same.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (30 November 2017):
 There's a massive difference between toning down the sarcasm and being "submissive". One is to show empathy towards who you're talking to, because a lot of sarcasm that has a bite to it is really passive aggressive and shows how you deal with stress in your own life.
However, what the hell do you have to be submissive to? That means to subjugate your needs and identity for someone else. If he is telling you not to say anything, how is that getting to know YOU or celebrating who YOU are, or listening to YOU?? It isn't.
You aren't married to him, and even if you were, that's not a license for him to tell you what to say, when to say, and how to say. If your personalities don't mesh and you try to stifle yourself to make him happy, then you will have the life and your dreams sucked out of you in very short order.
Being sarcastic is fine as long as there is kindness, and you're not being passive-aggressive and not using it in place of speaking your real mind. But he should appreciate you for you. His dominance doesn't mean that he is more important.
Be extremely careful.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (30 November 2017):
Thinking before you speak is always a good idea.
Totally changing yourself to PLEASE a guy is NOT. If humor is part of who you are then EMBRACE it. Doesn't mean you have to constantly crack a sarcastic comment. Because sarcasm (and yes, I'm fluent in sarcasm) can come off as abrasive and mean for those who don't GET this kind of humor.
I have to say it would be NICE to know what situation he wants you to tone down?
There is a difference between being "dominant" and controlling - but like sarcasm can come off as "mean" telling you HOW to behave can come off as him just being an ass.
Didn't he see this sarcastic side when he first met you? And my guess it was OK then but now you have to be a Stepford wife?
Again there is a fine line in learning moderation in your OWN behavior but unless you are being totally crass constantly... I'd keep an eye on this "demand"...
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