A
male
age
30-35,
*teel stake
writes:Thanks for those who are reading this. I just need some advice in a difficult situation.My girlfriend of 6 months had her cousin die in heart surgery a week ago and now her grandmother is paralyzed from the waist down which just happened two days ago. She has been sad/stressed/ and mad about all this recently. Which is definitely understandable. I've been trying to be a supportive boyfriend which I'm terrible at because I never show emotion. Lately we have been getting into fights which started as little and now are getting to the point of her threatening to leave me. I don't want that, I want to help her but she keeps everything bottled up and refuses to let herself cry.she tells me that I'm not trying to help and then I ask her a lot how can I help and she says I can't help with anything and she doesn't lean on people. I guess what I'm asking is how do I stop getting into fights and how do I be there for a person how doesn't like to lean on people. We usually see each every Friday but we haven't been able to in the last two weeks and it doesn't look like its getting easier on her. I find her now just talking to different guys on Twitter ad stuff which doesn't anger me but makes me sad, because I feel like I'm messing up. I don't know, I'd do anything I could to patch us up and help her. If it helps she's 20 and I'm 21.
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female
reader, DaniellaTheLifeCoach  +, writes (26 May 2015):
You never show emotion and she doesn't open up/lean on people; now it’s clear that in a stressful situation, your conflicting behaviours definitely come between you.Leaning on you may be difficult for her but this is part of allowing your partner to be supportive of you so can she not try? Maybe you could bring this up with her?You think you’re terrible at being supportive but surely this is something you can work on starting now? Seems like now is the time to commit to doing better! There’s a reason why you don’t show emotion; another thing to figure out/deal with? In any relationship your partner needs emotions to be shown otherwise she’s bound to start questioning your feelings for her.She doesn't really need to threaten to leave you as it looks like your relationship may come to an end anyway because of how you’re behaving in conflict to each other. She may be grieving but this doesn't mean that it will show up as tears (people grieve very differently, some do not cry). You stop a fight by dealing with the issues that are causing them. You are both contributing to the issues but at least one of you needs to be the driving force behind sorting things out. The reality is that she may not be in the best place to be in a relationship right now.I have mentioned a few things to pay attention to and things you can start talking to her about, hopefully this will help. Take care and best of luck.
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 May 2015):
 If she's pushing you away then you can't really be there for her except not breaking up. Her style is to mourn alone and to find distraction. She might even feel survivor's guilt and pushes closed ones away. There was another question relating to this and the author expresses how she doesn't feel worthy of family and friends after her dad died 3 years ago. She would drink in clubs and got pestered by a man, and almost jeopardized her relationship.
Her coldness was not because you are not supportive enough. You are not messing up. You just want to let her know you are there for her, and that's normal. If I were you I would not know what to do either, besides giving her space. I do not look at death as a tragic thing. I've had my dearest piano teacher die, relatives die and I was quite accepting of it. So it would be difficult for me to relate to people whose lives are turned upside down when relatives die.
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