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How do I avoid blowing what could have been my best chance to date him?

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating, Friends, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (26 March 2017) 6 Answers - (Newest, 5 April 2017)
A female United Kingdom age 41-50, anonymous writes:

I am a very shy person when it comes to dating usually I meet people through friends so its not so bad.

Recently I got chatting with a bloke and we arranged a date.

We had our 2nd date this weekend.

This date we had at his place and had a few drinks and chilled then i went home. Before I got to his place I had a few drinks to calm my nerves and when I do that i tend to talk a lot more than usual .

He noticed and said you like talking don't you , when he said that i thought oh no.

The next morning i did text him saying I talk a lot more because of nerves ( no reply as yet ) .

I really like this guy which he knows and i feel I've blown my last chance.

I feel i should explain myself about how I had a drink before meeting because its been a long time since having dates and I'm really shy and not a very confident person like he is.

He is an understanding guy who's confident and straight to the point .

I dont want to hound him with loads of texts so do I wait a couple of days to see if he texts me or should i just step up and explain I'm super shy and didnt want to be like that ( the nerves I had was like meeting a famous person ) and just say if he doesnt want to see me again ill understand ( which i will ) what should i do ?

View related questions: shy, text

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (5 April 2017):

aunt honesty agony auntHow did things go? If he is not in a place to be in a relationship then how are things going to progress? I do understand why he is scared, but surly him telling you that you talk a lot is not a bad thing?

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A female reader, like I see it United States +, writes (27 March 2017):

like I see it agony auntYes, that definitely changes things. Given that information, I think you should allow him more time (to process the second date and decide if he wants to move forward) than you might allow for someone who didn't have such a serious situation to worry about. He doesn't just have to decide if he felt chemistry with you, he has to try to figure out if this is a workable time in his life to start something with someone. And if he's undergoing treatment currently there are any number of reasons why he may not have gotten back to you yet. A close friend of mine is fighting cancer currently and has made it through what her doctors think was the worst of it, but there for a while her life was a constant flurry of appointments, procedures, and bedridden exhaustion from the chemo. She was single at the time, but dating was the last thing on her mind. She's found a great guy now but they are taking things very slowly. I'd imagine your date may have a similar mindset, so if you're interested, be patient :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 March 2017):

I am the op. The reason we had the date at his place is because he isnt well and is fighting cancer and going out and about would tire him too much too fast. Maybe i should have mentioned that . He does seem a bit scared to have a relationship because he doesnt know his outcome

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A female reader, like I see it United States +, writes (27 March 2017):

like I see it agony auntHow well did you know this guy before date #1? It sounds like he's someone you met recently and whose intentions you may not have had the chance to get a full read on.

Second date at his place would (to me) be moving too quickly. That says one of a few things: he's either cheap as a rule, low on funds currently, can't be bothered to arrange a proper date (not that women can't also plan dates, but I assume meeting at his place was his suggestion, not yours)... OR, the big one, he was angling for a hookup rather than a relationship. Not for no reason did the term "Netflix and chill" become slang for a hookup.

So if I had to guess, I think it's much more likely that he set the date for his place expecting more than talking would come out of it, if you know what I mean. And when you were obviously nervous he didn't see a good opportunity to move things along in that direction.

If sex is all he was after, it's probably for the best that things didn't work out the way you were hoping. And if his intentions were actually better than that, I'm sure you'll hear from him. Nerves happen to virtually everyone at some point, and since men are still socially expected to do the asking (and face the rejection) most of the time when it comes to dating, I'm sure he's? experienced something similar at some point in his life.

Hope this helps. Good luck and best wishes!

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (26 March 2017):

Honeypie agony auntJust back off.

IF you "talking a lot" on a second date due to nerves is a reason for him to NOT want to date you, there is nothing you can do to change it.

INSTEAD... LEARN from this. If you get chatty from alcohol, don't drink before a date.

And why would HE be your LAST chance? That is a big expectation to put on him, don't you think? It oozes a bit of desperation and insecurity (which I think is a bigger turn off than someone talking a lot).

Don't text him, you already explained that you talk a lot more due to being a bit nervous. If he doesn't text you back, he wasn't for you. If he can't handle you being chatty when in a new situation, he isn't for you.

NO amount of "explanations" will change his mind.

Just give him a few days to digest the second date. If he is STILL interested in you, he will understand the nerves part, if he isn't well, his loss.

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A male reader, cupid love  United States +, writes (26 March 2017):

guys like for their girlfriends to be open and honest and if they are shy or nerves the guy gets turned off and looks for another girl to date

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