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How could he move on so quickly?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Breaking up, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 September 2018) 6 Answers - (Newest, 11 September 2018)
A female United Kingdom age 22-25, *FM94 writes:

I ended my relationship with my ex back in February not because we no longer loved each other but because we both had different out looks on life. Realistically it wasn't going to work. I left our house and moved back home. My ex was distraught and was constantly ringing me and texting me to go back to him. I refused and stuck to my decision.

As I was going to get more stuff from our house a month or so later he seemed to start accepting the end of our relationship and his attitude changed. He started telling me he hoped I'd be happy and find someone nice and it was nothing to do with me who he was dating etc. We broke in to a fight and we haven't spoke since.

Then there it was on social media. A photo of him with another girl. Not just any girl.. the girl he was messaging and dating when we were once on a break. The girl he brought up in an argument once. The girl he went straight back to liking her photos.

She has practically moved in to the house me and him chose, our first house, which I decorated. They are on holiday somewhere exotic abroad. She has taken my place in his family.. a family who I loved and now ignore me. They are constantly posting photos of each other on social media. Yet he still speaks to my family when he sees them asking how I am etc!!

How can I stop feeling bitter and angry about this? It's affecting my mood quite a lot. How can someone who was so heartbroken and so in love with me move on in a month after 5 years? I know I let him go but it was with his best intention and it doesn't mean it has been easy for me either.

It's quite obvious he always fancied this girl so why the hell did he stay with me? I'm so annoyed how he can move on so quickly especially with a girl he was involved with before

View related questions: a break, heartbroken, move on, moved in, my ex, on holiday, text

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 September 2018):

Honeypie agony auntBeing bitter will get you no where, OP

Life is too short for that. And being bitter and upset will not make HIM feel worse. Or you better.

So look for those silver linings - set up some goal and GO for them.

LIVE life and let him live his, just stop looking over his shoulder on Social media.

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A female reader, EFM94 United Kingdom +, writes (11 September 2018):

EFM94 is verified as being by the original poster of the question

EFM94 agony auntOK. I was just struggling and wanted to stop feeling bitter about it and be happy for him maybe. So asked for advice. Thank you everyone x

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (11 September 2018):

N91 agony auntWhy does it annoy you? Why should he have to mope about because you broke up? That sounds a pretty childish and selfish attitude to be quite honest.

I remember you asking your question last time also and as the other aunts and uncles said you received good advice so you mustn’t be following it to be back again asking the same thing. Tell your family that if they see him and he asks about you then you don’t want to know. Block his social media, why keep looking? What good is it doing honestly?

You can’t be angry because he found someone else and moved on. What are you expecting him to do? Pine after you for the rest of eternity? He picked himself up, dusted himself down and found someone else. That’s the way life works, the world doesn’t stop for you whilst you’re down in the dumps, you get on with it and deal with it.

You told us you weren’t right for each other, so why be angry about things? You should be optimistic that a better match is still out there for you. Stop checking what he’s up to, block anywhere you can see him and move forwards with your life.

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A male reader, Fatherly Advice United States + , writes (11 September 2018):

Fatherly Advice agony auntYou ended the relationship.

You moved out of the house you bought and decorated.

You stopped going on holidays with him.

You left his family and hurt him.

You got what you wanted.

#1 That is the really great thing about divorce, You don't get to tell him what to do anymore. When you made the above choices you chose to give up that authority as well.

#2 He is not doing this to hurt you. He is moving on with his life. He is building the same dreams he had all along. He hasn't changed. His happiness does not take away your happiness.

#3 You don't want him back. He is still the wrong person for you. You are not missing anything that you wanted.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland +, writes (11 September 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntI remember commenting on one off your posts before. It seems nothing has changed. You got some great advice last time to block and delete all contact so that you are not making life harder for yourself but you obviously haven't done that and you are still checking up on them. Honey if you are not going to take the advice then things are not going to get better. It has been seven months now, it is time that you moved on with your life. You ended things, and he has moved on and he appears to be happy, now you should do the same with your life.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 September 2018):

Honeypie agony auntDifferent folks, different stokes.

Some move on faster, some slow. Maybe He had HER as his back up the whole time he was dating you and then after the break up too. Who knows?

She might also be his rebound. He might think if he tries hard enough she will be "like you" or maybe they are just in that honeymoon phase where things work.

My advice? STOP STALKING them on social media! You are pouring SALT in your "wounds" by checking up on them and digging into their lives.

It's NO longer your house, he is NO longer your BF.

You need to focus on YOUR life.

Whether those two work out or not... has nothing to do with you. Not anymore.

I know it doesn't feel good to be "replaced" so fast after 5 years, but you have look at the bright side too. Obviously you and he was NOT a good fit any more. Which means at some point in time WHEN you are ready you might meet someone who IS a good/better fit for you.

For now though, BLOCK, DELETE,REMOVE all your access to his/hers social media and if he still has access to your, block, unfriend, delete...

Time to take out the trash.

Then you focus on you. What goals do you have in life? Career-wise and otherwise? WORK on those. Pick one and get started. Spend time with positive people, go out and socialize (but don't date anyone or hook up with anyone until you are ready to fully move on).

Chin up and stop giving him so much power over your life.

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