A
female
age
41-50,
*ulumoon
writes:My boyfriend and I met in Costa Rica 4 years ago. I"m from the California and he is from Australia. We have lived in Costa Rica ever since. I go back to California about twice a year to visit. I have always struggled with being so far from my amazing family and the city. My boyfriend and I have an amazing relationship. We both have awesome jobs and a beautiful simple lifestyle here. The problem is he says he will never live in the US. He loves the life here and wants to stay, he hates the city. There seems to be no place of compromise. I get really homesick(and "citysick") I don't know if I can have a life, kids and future here. But maybe I can and just have a part of me always miss family and city a bit? Do I stay or go??? We've talked about it together and as we can't predict the future we can't seem to come to a decision. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, lulumoon +, writes (11 May 2010):
lulumoon is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much Agony Aunts. I feel like of been going over things in my head over and over with no answer. It is so nice and refreshing to get thoughtful, unbiased and diverse feedback. Thank you so much!
A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (11 May 2010):
 I don't feel it is fair of him to not be willing to compromise. You should both give and come up with the second best solution for you both. Are there no places nearby your family that he'd be willing to settle for? A place not in a city perhaps but not too far away from one, so you can still get the benefits of a city, and him the quieter life?
As far as the future goes, maybe you can focus on right here and now. Do you want kids and family right now? In that case where would you want to have them grow up, in a city or in a place where you have great jobs and an uncomplicated life?
If you don't need things to change right now, maybe you should try and not worry about this yet. But, if the lifestyle you are living now is becoming untolerable for you, the only thing to really do is move.
So how strongly do you miss your family and the city? And how untolerable is your current lifestyle? But whatever you choose, be aware that you can not make your boyfriend move, unless he wants to move himself.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (11 May 2010):
 This is a decision only you can make. As Caring Guy said, it is clear that he is not moving. You can either stay with him or leave.
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A
female
reader, Midge  +, writes (10 May 2010):
 When I first emigrated to the UK I have to say that I felt the same as you. Although I met someone when I lived in England, I missed my family and friends. Yes, we had a wonderful relationship, but England just never seemed like home to me. We plodded on until it got to the point where he wanted to stay there, he was also from Australia, and I wanted to get the hell out of there. The relationship soon ended because although we loved each other, I couldnt feel comfortable in my living space, so I had to move on. I moved to Scotland, and I know this is home.
If you cannot feel comfortable in your living space, then thats not home, thats just a house. You can get a house anywhere, but home is definately where the heart is. If your heart isnt in Costa Rica after 4 years, it never will be. If he isnt prepared to move to California, then you either need to make the decision to call it a day, or come to an alternate compromise. But if you really just dont like Costa Rica, you will never be happy there, and being miserable when you go home from work, is a terrible way to live.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (10 May 2010):
 Unlike your boyfriend, Costa Rica has never been "home" for you. If you can't see yourself having a life and a family in Costa Rica, I agree with CaringGuy that your relationship can't move forward.
Would visiting you family more frequently--say 4 times a year--be a compromise you could live with?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 May 2010):
He doesn't like the city, and he's not going to the US. He's not going to compromise at all on that, so it's now up to you entirely. Do you want to stay with him and live where you are now? Or are you really going to end up unhappy? From what you've said, I think your relationship won't go much further. Sounds to me like you should go back to California.
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