A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Sometimes I like to make an effort in the bedroom and get new lingerie or something that I think is sexy. My guy just takes it off immediately without saying anything. I want to figure out a way to get my guy to communicate that he appreciates the effort I put in but I feel insecure telling him to compliment me..I feel like that wouldn't even fishing for compliments it'd be like threatening for compliments! Only thing I thought of so far is asking him to go in my drawers and pick something he wants to see me in, but I'm afraid he'll just feel uncomfortable, like he doesn't like to tell women what to do and this approach could be too traditional gender rolesy for him.I don't think he means anything by it when he doesn't say anything but I'd like to have some verbal appreciation for the times I do make an effort, sexy things aren't free, and to me it's a way I show I care.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 December 2016): Maybe he's just not that turned on by it. He likes you just as you are in the flesh. Asap ! Maybe play on that? Wear no underwear at all, maybe while youre out somewhere and let him know you're not. He will appreciate that idea I'm sure.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts  +, writes (6 December 2016):
 I'm all for being honest with him about wanting his opinions on your lingerie, but I think you need to stop buying them to show him you care, as it doesn't interest him.
Buy them for yourself and perhaps ask him to help you choose (though, not often), but don't expect him to have a lot of praise for them, if he prefers to get his eyes and hands on your skin, instead of lingerie.
I'm still wondering how desirable he makes you feel, though? Not your lingerie, but you.
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (5 December 2016):
 I know you don't want to come across as demanding or needy but you do need to talk to him. He cannot read your mind. Therefore next time you make an effort ask him what does he think? Does he like the new lingerie? Be more vocal about the effort you have went to. If things don't improve tell him you would like to hear what he thinks. Honesty is the best way.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (5 December 2016):
 .. Maybe he does not think that sexy lingerie is particularly sexy. As a matter of fact, in my experience the people who fusses most about lingerie are women, and gay guys. The average hetero man ( and no, I am not talking about supermacho tattooed- all- over truckdrivers, which I never had much inclination toward ) tends to think that the best kind of bra and panties is no bra and no panties.
If you love nice lingerie you can still wear it and buy ir not " to make an effort ", but for yourself, because you like it and / or because it makes you feel pretty, confident, " special "- and give up your expectations of a formal aknowledgement of your effort. In fact , if it is an effort, why doing it ? Who benefits from it ? He does not care, ... you , neither, because if it wasn't for him you would not bother and would spend the money for sexy lingerie in other things... so, I wonder what's the point.
I understand how you can be a bit disappointed , but you ARE fishing ( or threatening :) for compliments. People value what they value, and maybe lingerie is not a priority in his list of " likes ". It would be a bit,say, as if he pouted because you did not express verbal appreciation for how perfectly he has washed and polished his car, the car he uses to drive you around, .. so he made the effort "for you ":... yeah, but suppose you could not care less , and do not mind at all riding a car also if it's not in motor-show conditions.... should he have made " the effort " to begin with ?...
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 December 2016): He can't read your mind. Talk to him. He could very well believe he's making an effort that you're not appreciating.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (4 December 2016):
Even in LDRs compliments should be frequent. I'm in one and I know my boyfriend compliments me often.
You buy them for you, but he doesn't find them interesting or necessary, so he doesn't notice them.
Buy them to care about yourself, not to show him you care.
I know you want him to acknowledge it, but it's not on his radar, so if he makes you feel sexy naked, I'd try to move past this.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI want to note despite my response this is like a .5/10 issue. It's not some massive crisis to be resolved, I didn't write it needed to be resolved it's more like "what fun ways can I have my man acknowledge me"
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2016): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are long distance so I can't really say what he "usually" does re compliments. There're times he says I'm pretty, there are times I shave and the day after he'll tell me how spiky I am..which to me is kinda like F you I wouldn't have done it to begin with if it weren't for you.
To me naked is boring, I always can look naked what is special about that..I generally DO do it for myself, like it makes me feel extra pretty but it makes me feel like it's all in my head if it's just discarded and not acknowledged like routine or granny panties. I don't need showers of compliments I just want one "oh is this new" If this is a way I show I care and you think the course of action is just don't show that I care anymore.. the thing to me is i DONT do it all the time so I think of it as a special occasion. Like..if I have an anniversary I might want to wear a nice dress. Am I supposed to look like shit because he is SO indifferent? To me that makes me feel like he doesn't care. And if he doesn't care why should I. Also you're telling me not to show the way I care. I just feel like it creates a cycle of frump and indifference and that is a bummer.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2016): Hello..sounds like your putting a lot of effort into keeping your sex life alive!!... Good for you. Relations are hard and they need work, whether it's finding ways of dealing with conflict or simply buying something sexy to add a little spice.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (4 December 2016): I feel the same way with my boyfriend. I never feel sexy, and I want that reassurance every once in a while. I've tried to buy lacy lingerie, but my bf has expressed that he thinks it's sexiest when the lingerie is on the floor. Your man is probably the same, and he thinks your BODY is sexy, not the things you wear.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (4 December 2016):
I think it's because he sees you as sexiest without it, so you buy them, but he doesn't want them. You need to buy them for you, not for him, now that you know he just wants you naked. You can ask him to help you choose things, but he doesn't want you in any of i, as he sees you as sexy withoutt.
Does he compliment you on other things? Show you he loves you?
Many guys just aren't interested in sexy stuff because they just prefer their partners naked. In future, now you know he doesn't want them, don't buy them with him in mind because you can't force him to like something.
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