A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:He has changed so much in the past year, I do not even recognize him. When we met we were both in college but he was getting ready to graduate. He was a huge nerd always playing Magic the Gathering, and he was very sweet. He had like a 1930's classy vibe to him, he was a gentleman and always treated me like a Princess. He would do things like run out to my car with an umbrella to help me inside if it was raining, worry over me if I was sick, and constantly text, call, and spend time with me. He would also constantly take me out to eat and on fun vacations.After he graduated he moved back home to get a job and save up to move out(I was still in school) to his controlling misogynistic Mother's house, she hated me because I was "stealing away her little boy," and that "I wasn't good enough for him."He found a job an hour away and commuted for five months. His mom kept pressuring him into staying longer and longer (she also hated me because I kept sending him apartment ideas).He was very stressed out by her and his job. He begged me to come stay with him over Spring Break, so I did.That was a mistake...His mother and I fought the whole time, she kept randomly getting mad at me for no reason. She kept me locked in the house when he was at work because the only way in and out was through the garage and she refused to give me the keycode. She tried to change me $50 for staying a week there even tough I brought my own food. She would get mad at me because I was too busy doing homework (working on my thesis and other major projects - I was a Masters student) to come out and talk to her or watch Soap Operas with her. She was mad that I already had gift ideas for him for our Anniversary.He was furious at her for the way she was treating me. But he just stood there and watched us fight (to be honest he never stands up for himself either). They had talked in private about it earlier but when she verbally attacked me again he did nothing. This time I verbally attacked back. I was tired of being treated like that.I loathed her for the way she treated me and him. She was partially blind and was on disability but instead of using the provided transportation she made him come home from school (2hrs away) or (1hr after he moved out) and drive her around to places like Walmart. She insisted on moving with us if we ever moved away. She constantly made him cancel his plans with me and take her around instead.The next time we saw each other was three weeks later and just out of nowhere he said he wasn't sure if he felt the same anymore but that it was "up to me to decide if we stay together or not". He stopped texting as much, stopped calling almost all together, and we started to only see each other once or twice a month (LDR).It did not help that I had decided to work all summer in Alaska. (I asked if he would be okay with it months before and he said he was). Apparently it broke his heart and that is why he took his love away before I left. He said he was afraid I would talk to other guys while I was there (I was going to work at an All-Girls Camp...) I assured him that was not what was happening and said I would not give up on our relationship.He changed a LOT over the summer. He finally moved out but he made some friends (and his roommate) that have very bad morals.He started drinking a lot, tried pot, constantly went to places like Hooters, started using Tinder. All in the encouragement of his new friends.He has a family history of alcoholism and he started to drink a lot more and with that he became sexual aggressive.When I came back I did not recognize him.The man I knew would not have done those things.I feel like his drifting was a mixture of influence from his mother and me going away. But I feel like the attitude change was a mixture of moving out and his immoral friends.This was a man who would never have cheated, a man who wanted a better life, and dreamed about a life with me.I really tried to bring him back but it just kept getting worse and worse and finally he ended it two weeks ago and now he's already talking to new women.I am so distraught, I thought we were going to get married. I miss the old him (even his old college roommates are floored by his change, I had lunch with some of them and discussed it).I don't know what to do. I know he changed and became a terrible man but all I think of is the Pre-May him. I miss the old him and I just can't logically put two and two together on how someone changes so much so fast.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 December 2015): You met a guy away from home. He was enjoying Uni and his freedom. His life was about him. You started dating it was about you both and he treated you well. He returned home and his life is now about his mother. She dominates him and he's trying to rebel and break away from her. This is an emotionally delayed guy growing up.He hasnt "changed" it was just that you saw a side of him when you met. This wasnt all of him.Its a bit like meeting a married man at work and falling in love with him. You are falling for the side of him that you see not the whole of him.His mother is a huge part of his life and this is going to be incredibly messy and complicated. Its a bit like the married man leaving a wife who doesnt want him to go. She will give him hell. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.This may be painful and upsetting but as soon as you break free and cut all contact the sooner you can put this all behind you.I think you have seen enough dont you? Put yourself first and start your new chapter. Its 2016 soon and a fresh start for you. Feel relieved you found out now. May I just add that many years ago I met a fabulous foreign guy. He was studying in London where I lived and we were amazing together. When he returned home for the summer everything changed and I used to visit him there for holidays and we both were hoping for a future together. I couldnt recognize him when he was back in his home town. I had to accept that was who he was and his way of life and culture. I do inderstand the shock of thinking you know someone. I walked away and it was hard but necessary for me and I have no regrets.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (22 December 2015):
 Well, my take on this is... YOU dodged a bullet. You could have married this guy and had to spend your life with his nutty mother, and a guy who can't stand up to her. Next thing you know she would have been living with the pair of you.....
And then of course there is the whole teenage rebellion he has going on now... HE is making those choices - it's NOT your fault for being away over the summer or his friends being amoral - HE is making those piss-poor judgments most of us either declined doing in our teens, but were aware off, or we made those mistakes back then, not in out late 20's. But regardless of it all - HE is CHOOSING to be this person.
My guess is... He thinks he somehow is missing out and thus MUST catch up with his current room-mates... Sorry, honey that is NOT husband material. Think about it?! If he is THAT easily led and influenced a wedding vow and a ring on a finger will not change that fact.
My advice? BLOCK , DELETE and forget about him.
And Yes, I agree with Sage, you can do so much better. HIS loss 100%
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (22 December 2015):
 Who CARES (why he changed)?????? If he did.... then take that as your cue to get away from him, stay away from him, and get on with your life.
This "Momma's Boy" who you describe is NO "catch"....
You can do MUCH better.....
Merry Christmas and good luck...
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (21 December 2015):
 I think he changed because he is in turmoil, being a momma's boy. He does not know how to reconcile the fact that being with you means losing, or abandoning his mom. This does not have to happen if you can figure out a way so that the three of you are happy.
He is also acting out, having his delayed teenager rebellion. His growth was stunted because his mom refused to let him grow up. Growing up means she has no power, and no control over his life. Being almost blind means she needs someone close by. I know being a son, and the only one who takes care of her would make him feel guilty about living his own life. He needs to find assisted living for her or he would have trouble finding a girlfriend who's willing to serve her. Her nastiness is a misdirected way of making people subordinate to her, afraid of her. When in the contrary, if she's nicer, then girlfriends may consider living with her.
It sounds like he has a lot of baggage and the catch up of growing up. He would find it hard to love someone if he can't separate from his mom. On the outside he looks like he is having fun but spiritually he remains empty. His partying would not fill the void so sooner or later he would find you. Time is a test of whether you will still love each other. He has to hit rock bottom and find himself first.
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