A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hey everyone well I'm sorry that this is going to be a long complicated sob story but I'm in desperate need of advice and I know you all give great advice.I'm 21 years old. I'll start off by saying I was abused a lot by a lot of my family growing up and still am to this day. I made some very very poor decisions in life such as dropping out of school at 16 and I honestly stopped caring about life. I've been doing minimum wage jobs in retail/fast food to support myself. I cut off a lot of my family because of the things they've done to me. I've started to feel like I can't trust anybody. I've went through depression and I've become very anti social. I lost a lot of my friends I had in high school and have nobody. I stopped taking care of myself and have become overweight and other things. I feel like such a loser. Not that it matters but I just want to make it clear I've never gotten into alcohol or drugs or any criminal activity. I've recently been looking at colleges because I thought that this would be a great step into making my life better. But...I've realized the programs I'm interested in are very competitive to get into. I dropped out of high school and haven't been in school in over 5 years. I'm very discouraged and I don't think I will even be able to get into college.I'm starting to think there's really no hope for me here. I have so many regrets in life and I wish I could just start my life over and do so many things differently. I want to turn my life around more than anything but I don't know what to do or where to start. How can I turn my life around? What can I do about all of this?
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male
reader, Serpico +, writes (29 March 2014):
You need to fully understand and completely realize that your happiness in this life is 100% up to you. The good news is also that its 100% in your control. No one else is responsible for you being happy, and no one else can do it other than you. Its completely controlled by your own mindset.
Once you realize this fact, most of the other things fall into place.
A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (28 March 2014):
 May I give my Fatherly-best reply?
You ask: "How can I turn my life around? What can I do about all of this?"
Answer: You can take control of your life... you, controlling YOUR OWN life. (And) Don't listen to, or believe this B/S:
- But...I've realized the programs I'm interested in are very competitive to get into" Yes... SO WHAT??? Why can't YOU be as competitive as anybody else????? .... and, thereby, get in to any program you darn well please????
- "I'm very discouraged and I don't think I will even be able to get into college..." Screw the discouragement!!! Lots of people - who have experienced lots of success - have been discouraged. AND, the trademark of those who have succeeded is that they said, "F**k the discouragement and/or difficulties. I'm smart - and strong - enough to make my OWN WAY, on MY terms... and I WILL succeed!!!!
- "I'm starting to think there's really no hope for me here..." Where's "here"???? If you mean "on planet Earth"... then drop that crap from your vocabulary, and replace it with, "Heck, I can do whatever I want, wherever I want.... and I guess I'd better get started..."
- "I wish I could just start my life over and do so many things differently..." Welll... you CAN'T (change what's already happened).... SOOOooo.... what you CAN DO is make a pact, with yourself, that today will be the LAST DAY that you will slap yourself on the forehead and say, "Oh, woe is me...".... and get your a$$ in your hand, and set out on a much, much better future.....
How about keeping us informed (on this site) about how much better your life is going, once you take charge and MAKE THINGS HAPPEN for yourself, on your OWN behalf???....
Good luck... Now... GET GOING!!!!!!
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (28 March 2014):
 Start small and build up from there. Rome wasn't built in a day, and you are young and have time in front of you. If you aim to sudden epocal changes, you'll just get frustrated and discouraged. Take pride in small ,manageable changes and that will give you the inspiration and strength to aim higher and higher.
First things first , complete your high school education. Get your diploma, or a GDE, or what they call it over there. You can do it on line, or at evening classes. There 's people who work in coal mines who do that ! you can do it too . Don't give yourself the excuse that " it's 5 years I am not in school ". PLENTY of people go back to school in their 30's or 40's ( including yours truly ). My uncle became an architect at 70, during his retirement years.
Once you have finished the basics, then you can : a) have a look around for a better qualified, better paid job ( frankly , there's not much around for people who haven't at least finished high school ) b ) have clearer ideas about your goals and capacities and how the two relate c) take more infos about , or come up with valid alternatives , re the options you have looked at. Is it possible that with all the tons of choices- and schools- available to you, you are ONLY interested in the toughest, most competitive ?.. Some times, we have to keep the vision, but be flexible about the details. Let's suppose that you are, say, fascinated by how the human mind works.
Becoming a neurosurgeon , or a neuroscientist, may be out of your reach. Not so, a shorter course to become a counselor..
But, don't put the cart before the horses, finish school first.
Then, your weight. You say you are overweight, maybe you want to lose 60 pounds, or 40 pounds, or anyway think you'll feel good only when you have dithed ALL the extra weight. Not so, trust me. Break down your goal into smaller installments. Decide you will lose 10 pounds, which is a manageable, less ambitious goal, but yet it's something, it's a whole dress size , enough to make a visisble difference. That will give you a big boost , and the inspiration to continue with your body makeover... IF you decide you want to continue.
And so on and so forth. My point is that, if from where you are now to where you want to be, there's a huge difference, - you'll get scared and paralyzed, and feel it's too much change and you won't be able to do it anyway, which will give you a comfy excuse to not change anything and stay miserable. Don't fall into this " all or nothing " mentality .If you are at ground floor and want to see the view from a 30th floor terrace, when you are at 5th floor you may still be far from your goal, nevertheless you already get a much better view than from your starting point.
So, go slow and steady, and.. good luck !
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (28 March 2014):
 If you dropped out of school, perhaps you could start there and find a course that boosts your general education so you CAN get a place in college. You are young, you have loads of time to walk to path but you probably need to start with baby steps so you don't overwhelm yourself.
It's very hard to overcome a shitty childhood, but not impossible, you just have to be kind to yourself and acknowledge that whatever happened to you in the past is behind you and whatever is in front of you is entirely in YOUR CONTROL.
Set yourself small goals:
Get on a general ed course
Learn about healthy eating
Swim or walk a couple of times a week
Give yourself a weekly pamper session
Read two inspiring books a month
Visit your library often
Start choosing courses and working out what you need to get on them.
All these things will set you on the right track...just keep reminding yourself of the alternative:
Unhappiness, loneliness and dissatisfaction
You can turn your life around but do it in tiny bites that you can cope with because you are absolutely worth the effort, your mind is set in the right direction, you just need your feet to follow.
Good luck and let us know how you get on xxx
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