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How can I tell him I'm interested, I'm just not confident enough!

Tagged as: Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 May 2010) 4 Answers - (Newest, 14 May 2010)
A female United States age 51-59, anonymous writes:

Well now I have a bit of confusion with a guy at work.

I think he is really attracted to me as I have lots of attention from him, glances, stares, etc. We laugh at each other's jokes and banter and it's like we are the only two people in the room most of the time, even in groups, I feel he is trying to tell me when he looks at me by the way in which he looks at me.

We have become very close with lots of things in common. We have had a lot of eye contact for a long time now, and the 'knowing smiles' are always there.

Sometimes I actually feel that he has love in his eyes when he looks at me. His voice lowers and he becomes nervous and stammers sometimes.

When we sit together it's like we become one person, we are so drawn to each other.

I don't like to give him too much eye contact in case someone sees as our company is strictly against this kind of thing.

I am worried that on days like this that he sort of gives up or something, he always seems to go off and talk to the other women and leaves without saying goodbye which leaves me feeling frustrated to say the least. Is it because he feels I am not interested?

I have not long left a long standing relationship which has left me feeling vulnerable but feel I am ready to start again now, and I also have a good social life so am able to mix with other men but don't want to.

I just wish I had not fallen for this guy because of the work thing but I seem to be thinking about him constantly.

I realise that we are both shy people, and have not actually said anything to each other as yet.gainst each other a lot as well.

I really am taken in by the thought of him all the time and would love to get to know him more but it's really hard at work to find the time to talk privately.

All I really want to know is do you think is is trying to tell me he likes me or is he waiting for me to make a move because I don't think I can, I would feel a total fool if he didn't feel the same?

I would like to tell him how I feel but I don't want to make a fool of myself.

I guess I am just not confident enough.

View related questions: at work, shy

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A female reader, goodfriend United Kingdom +, writes (14 May 2010):

I know, it can be really difficult liking someone you work with. Usually you can sense if someone likes you, and it seems you can feel that. The thing is, if you told him, and he didn't feel that way, it could be really awkward for you at work. You have to work out if you think it's worth the risk. If you do want to try and take it further, I would try and arrange a meeting outside the work place. See if they;ll join you for coffee or lunch or drinks. If they're willing to meet up, that is great sign. Good luck, I wish it will work out for you!

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A male reader, TimmD United States +, writes (14 May 2010):

TimmD agony auntThere's no rule out there that says you have to come completely out and say "I have feelings for you". Odds are, you are picking up on legitimate hints he is giving you. Additional things that would give away feelings of attraction are extended eye contact and physical contact (touching your hand, shoulder, back, etc) or him NOT retracting from and physical contact you give him.

You could always start out small and easy. Try some light physical contact if you haven't done so already. Do you two have a similar lunch hour? Can you informally ask him one day if he wants to grab a quick bite to eat? Remember, you two are really good friends who get along great, so you don't need to feel nervous. The next step would be to ask if he wants to get a cup of coffee together after work or something.

Keep in easy and informal.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010):

I know that probably sounds scary but he is a shy guy not some loud mouth it will be fine, You are both shy and unless one of you makes a move you are never going to know, be brave and go for it.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2010):

Why not organise a works night out, making sure he goes too, hopefully that will give you guys a bit of time together for him to ask you out. Or say you are going for a coffee/drink whichever suits you best and ask him does he want to join you.

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