A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My partner and I have a fun filled life we have a boy of 10yrs , we do lots of things as a family and also as a couple however my partner works so I often fill my time with my friends or going out with my son which I get so much joy out off Yet 9 out of 10 times my partner has a 'problem' and needs help with or advice on everytime I have plans with my friends or even our son and it always happens a hr before we are due to leave the house ...most of the time I think they are made up problems cause nothing ever happens as a result of them (some serious problems) but he drags on talking about it even tho I try to cut it short he carrys on he never has a problem when we are just mooching around the house...why does he do this?? I could understand abit if we never did anything but we are always out and about when he's not working so I carnt understand it if he's jealous.... Any ideas how to stop it ?? Or even why he does it ...he doesn't like me seeing friends when he's off work he likes it to be us ....i work as and when I befriend special needs children and he likes to come along then too ...i also run a support group for poorly kids and I love it (our son is special)yet he sees all the negative and if someone has a problem and contacts me on his day off he hates it but the parents problems can be literally life or death ...wow waffling on ... But how can I stop him needing my attention when I am out with my friends or son (like I said I believe the problems are fake) Any advise???
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (10 April 2017):
 You need to talk to him and be blunt with him. He knows rightly what he is doing and he is trying to play games with you. Seriously he has some deep issues here and either you both work on them or else you go seek professional help. He cannot treat you like this. You sound like a good person and you do good in life. But he needs to allow you to do things without him also. Does he have friends off his own? It seems he doesn't want to share you with anyone and this could be a dangerous path to go down. Speak to him now and don't allow it to carry on.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2017): He is trying to control you. As you say, these problems aren't real and he is trying to stop you from leaving the house. It is a well known tactic of abusive men. You may not consider your partner to be abusive but there are all sorts of different abuses and it does not necessarily present itself in ways you might expect. I would suggest that first you read about abuse in adult relationships, verbal abuse, emotional abuse, mental cruelty and physical abuse. I think you may be shocked to be reading my answer and think that this doesn't relate to your relationship, but I can almost guarantee you, it does. If you read about abuse, I will expect that it will explain other aspects of his behaviour that have you puzzled, because I'm guessing that this isn't the only abusive tactic that he uses. You are just not aware of what he's doing. He is very controlling and doesn't like you getting involved with anyone but him. It is a jealousy thing, but he is using abusive tactics to try to control you, so he doesn't have to feel jealous. And when you try to explain away why he wouldn't be jealous, you are using rational, sane reasons why someone wouldn't be jealous. Ration and reason do not figure in abusive men's mental make up. Read up on abuse I would strongly advise you to do this, because he has you confused enough to be coming for help. The best book I ever read on abuse is called 'Why Does He Do That?' by Professor Lundy Bancroft. It is brilliantly and sympathetically written and is a page turner. Such an eye opener. It will empower you to understand what your partner is up to. And then you can make an informed decision as to what to do. Good luck.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 April 2017): I have to agree with you that it almost sounds like he's doing this on purpose. But you're the only one who'd know if he is totally aware of what he's doing.You mentioned that he doesn't like it when you go out with friends, and needs to tag along with you whenever you volunteer (the latter is very inappropriate). No question you have the right to go out with friends by yourself, and you definitely have the right to your own space to do your own thing - provided The time you spend away isn't excessive or results in the two of you not spending time together.In some ways your description makes it sound like he's more than a bit needy. Does he have any outside interests or even friends to hang out with? Again, I believe you likely hold most of the answer to what his possible motives are, considering that you know him best.If you feel you can approach him about this - or better yet, set up some clear boundaries - without a big fight ensuing, then do so. Otherwise, you might want talk to him about enrolling the two of you in couple's counselling as a way to better improve the relationship. Hope things work out!
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