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How can I stop him from making me feel worthless?

Tagged as: Dating, Faded love, Teenage, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 February 2009) 9 Answers - (Newest, 7 March 2009)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I have been with my boyfriend for about a year and 8 months and I love him to pieces - more than anything but the problem is he does not make me happy. A few reasons are:

1) He will never admit he plays any part in any argument we have- he will always make me feel guilty into admitting it was all me

2) If he has no money I am expected to pay for us to go out (I have no job, in full time education and live off an allowance from my parents) but if i have no money he will happily go out without me

3) He loses his temper over everything and always has a go at me for being in a bad mood when i am not! Also, when we go to the pub with his mate he tells me "I don't want you to come if you are going to sit there looking miserable the whole time" out of the blue when i am in a perfectly good mood

4) We always have to do what he wants - if I feel ill or don't want to go I am bullied into going but again when I stand up to him, "we always go where you want to go so I dunno what you're on about"

5) I get upset easily when he has a go at me because I feel I can never do anything right and when I do he throws digs at me and makes me feel bad for being upset!

I love this man a lot and other than these we do have a good relationship and he can be a good man but he says we only argue because I have a bad attitude and I feel like I'm worthless

I don't know what to do? Help please!

View related questions: bullied, money

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A male reader, justadvise United States +, writes (7 March 2009):

i think you got your answer when he walked out on you...what other reason do you need not to break up with him?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009):

I completely agree with Army Medic here; you're so lucky that he left you in peace!

He sounds like he has control issues, and acts like a complete tyrant/ hypocrite so often as to wear down your self-confidence to the extent that even you start to question the truth- never mind the 'girls' he then went tattle-tailing to behind your back!

I hope you can claim the holiday for yourself- or at least get him to buy you out. But even if you can't I think i'd rather pay £700 not to go, than to be so trodden on and belittled!

Like Army Medic says; quick- change the locks! -and crack open a bottle of champagne; you're free! :-)

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A male reader, ArmyMedic United Kingdom +, writes (23 February 2009):

ArmyMedic agony auntwell change the locks and don't answer your phone

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

I paid half and my parents paid the other half. He paid for his half of the trip..

I dont know what to do, he walked out on me tonight :(

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A male reader, ArmyMedic United Kingdom +, writes (23 February 2009):

ArmyMedic agony auntI really think although £700 is a lot of money, how much is your happiness worth. Has he paid half the cost or is it all your money? If it's all yours go on holiday with out him and have a holiday romance to boost your confidence!

You do not deserve this it is not your attitude and it sounds like to break up with him is what he wants too.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Hey thanks for all ur advice but i still really dont know what to do..

I tried talking again and he still says its all my attitude that sets things off, and hes now telling girls that "we are not good"

I want to leave him but im scared of being alone, and we have a holiday booked in August which i payed £700 for and i feel trapped because of it :(

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A male reader, ArmyMedic United Kingdom +, writes (22 February 2009):

ArmyMedic agony auntIs he 15? This guy is immature and selfish, dump him right now and if he asks why don't tell him as I'm sure he doesn't even realise what an arse he's being.

He does not deserve you and really needs some time by himself to reflect on his behaviour and grow up.

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A male reader, justadvise United States +, writes (22 February 2009):

The way it seems, this guy need a slap across the face to wake up. I'm not going to big details about this whole things since you already have and answer from Emilyanswers. There are other fishes out in the sea. You're are bound to find another good one once you find the courage to leave this one to go out and explore.

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A female reader, Emilysanswers United Kingdom +, writes (22 February 2009):

I know you don't want to hear this but this is the way you are going to be treated for as long as you are with him.

If he truly loved you he would care about you and respect you. He only loves himself.

There is no way that he is going to suddenly wake up and realise that he should do more for you. Why should he? He gets everything his own way, gives you as much crap as he lies and you will always be there to have sex with him.

You have to stand up for yourself. Tell him that if he does not start treating you well and accept that he has been treating you badly then you will leave.

But here is the hard part. When he continues to act like in his selfish horrible way you have to ACTUALLY leave. And not go back.

You will find yourself much happier. I mean think of it this way. You say you love him but what do you love about him? In what way does he make you love him? If you can't name 5 things he does then really, why are you there?

Good Luck!! xx

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