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How can I stop having sex with my brother? I know it's wrong and I know it has to stop, I just don't know how!

Tagged as: Family, Forbidden love<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 July 2007) 44 Answers - (Newest, 18 February 2008)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *auraQ writes:

My parents went away for the weekend and my brother and I threw a party. After a wild night of drinking and everyone had left we made an attempt at cleaning up. We started messing about throwing stuff and toy fighting until he held me down and kissed me. Being drunk I stupidly kissed him back and two minutes later we were naked having sex on the sofa!!! The bit I regret is that I know its wrong but that makes me want it more and I have had sex with him several times since!! I love it but I know it has to stop! What should I do??

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A female reader, asian tealeaf Canada +, writes (18 February 2008):

asian tealeaf agony auntlol, paxil zoloft, hell take some oxy cotons and some ketamine too. u should be ashamed laura. drunk is no excuse.. u had better get out of that situation fast or find urself in a jail cell.any lawyers or officers of the law who view this page will be compelled to report this, just like one who says he had intimate relations with little kids, and he admits he was drunk then or whatever the excuse. illegal is illegal and u should of been smarter and not have posted this on a public site...

or someone who says she beat her 3 month old child to stop crying but she was high on weed at the time and tired.. tsk tsk. maybe u better hit the bottle again and this time grab ur dog.. at least u wont be prosecuted. what u should of done was after the first time he boned u u slaped him and left, cause then u would of been in the clear not him. but a few times of illicit reeming ur brother, no excuse will hold now my dear. my guess. ur screwed. oops, no ;pun intended.

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A female reader, carebear United Kingdom +, writes (18 February 2008):

carebear agony auntHi laura Q

I know you live in the UK its has been in the papers recently that a MOTHER contacted the POLICE to inform them that her son/daughter had been having sex, the daughter was married with kids the brother had been away for yrs they met up fell in love! Anyway it went to COURT but b4 that the couple spoke to the papers trying to convince thenselves and others that they were dong nothing wrong!!!!! at the court case the HAD TO ADMIT that what they were doing was UNLAWFUL and the could both be PROSRCUTED and sent to JAIL so they ASURED the court this would never happen again. They also said b4 the case went to court they wanted to be together and would move somewhere that this kind of behaviour was accepted!!!! where ???? I hope you read this, you already know what your doing is wrong and so does your brother. For all the others that think this is OK read this post it's not.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 February 2008):

Really you should stop. Have you ever had a sexual relationship (with a non-family member) and when you've split up you still see them around a lot? It's really easy to just have sex with them again when the circumstances are right because you've done it with them before, even if you're with someone new now. This kind of thing messes up lots of relationships.

Now think how much worse this is going to be in your case. You will probably never lose touch with your brother, so he will always be a temptation even when you're married. I don't think you'll be able to wind it down. You'll just have to find a new partner and go cold turkey.

p.s. Don't think badly of yourself. You're a bit kinky, not sick.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (8 January 2008):

This is in response to Laura having sex with her brother. I was engaged to a man who I suspected had a sexual relationship with is sister when they were younger. There are signs that people can see without the parties knowing they are exposing themselves. The first sign was the way they discussed sex with each other. He would tell his sister at times I can't talk I'm getting some (you know what right now) and when I moved out of state with him where his family lives I noticed her put her head on his shoulder on the couch while they were watching TV one evening. He also started calling her babe all the time. The biggest sign was one of his aunts looked at me and the first thing she said when she saw me was...YOU LOOK LIKE !!! (HIS SISTER'S NAME). I thought about that a long time and I finally confronted him when he called his sister babe on the phone. He denied it and we have separated after six years together. My point is some teenagers experiment with sex out of curiosity and I'm sure more sisters and brothers do than we think, I think they fell in love with each other because neither of them have had stable loving relationships and they are both in their late 40's. We had a rocky relationship from the start and I should have left him when I first started seeing the signs he was dis-functional. Please people do not encourage this girl. She has to stop, it is not normal if people continue sleeping with their siblings. I advise you get help and keep it a secret unless you talk to a professional.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008):

I agree with Rob Canada that sexual experiences between opposite-sex siblings happens a lot more frequently than people think. Weaning yourself away from your brother is good advice.

Just one question Rob Canada, did the "very close body contact" between you and your sister involve you and her performing oral sex on each other? The reason I ask is that you said you both gave each other the best orgasms.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008):

some of the responses are disgusting ..half of you people need serious help!

To the original poster why are you and your brother in mid to late 20's still living with your parents??

Sleeping with siblings is degrading and wrong..not to mention the birth defects, if you were to get pregnant.

The best advice for you, and all the other people who sleep with family is to, get a life and find someone who its not illegal to sleep with.

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A male reader, Rob Canada Canada +, writes (4 January 2008):

Laura Q,

I have read all the responses to your post and there certainly is the expected mixed responses on your dilemma. It has become quite obvious to me in recent times that there is quite a lot of what I like to call "sexual experimentation" between brothers and sisters of varying ages. In our youth my sister and I became involved in experimentation which went on for about 8 or 9 years on a regular, almost daily basis. We never engaged in vaginal or anal sex involving penetration, it was only petting or mutual masturbation and very close body contact. In fact it brought us very close together but never ruined our relationship. I wouldn't say our relationship in this respect was unique, I am sure that this is a regular occurence with siblings. Personally I find nothing "sick" in what we did, in fact I believe it was mutually beneficial. We were never caught, nor has it been discussed with any body else and yes for both of us it was exciting.

We also worked out that it couldn't go on and we agreed to "wean" ourselves with my sister moving out of the house we grew up in. We still "got together" when we both had time between work and studies. We both had other friends, ie bf and gf's but to be put bluntly some of the best orgasms I had were given to me by my sister and she has also acknowledged that it was good for her.

Now we are both married and happy, we had stopped our experimentation in our mid twenties and nothing apart from fond memories remain.

In your case I would also reccomend a "weaning" period and then move on in your life with those memories, I don't think you need counselling at all.

Good Luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2008):

This is a serious matter. This sounds like this incident has gone on with other family members in the past. You must be living in the countryside because places like that is where MOST of these problems occur. If you can't stop then two things you'll need:

Paxil (60 mg)

Zoloft (200 mg)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008):

You need to move out of that house and far away from ur brother.You shouldnt tell let your parents know! They would be utterly disgusted and only casue more fuss. Just spend a long time away from your brother and quickly find a new sexual partner.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2008):

Easy just simply stop or talk to your parents is the best way but if that doesnt work then try it like if your a baby an slow it down a bit till you can stop exp. full out sex to you giving him blow jobs and him playing with your tits an eating you out an keep slowing it down from full out sex

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A reader, anonymous, writes (30 December 2007):

Why are two people in their mid to late 20's still living in their parents house? I think that the sex with your brother is part of a much larger problem. You seem to have a problem with delayed gratification. You go for what feels good NOW instead of what is going to be best in the long run. This is why you're still living with your folks long past the point when you should be living on your own. It is also why you're continuing to have sex with your brother. It feels good to have sex, and illicit sex is often more exciting, but then you feel guilty about it afterwards and wish you hadn't done it. If you want to turn this regret into action, if you really want to stop sleeping with him, then you've got to stop operating off of instant gratification. When the opportunity to have sex with him presents itself, instead of focusing on the pleasure you'll feel from doing it, focus on the guilt and regret you'll feel afterwards. You should be focusing on long-term goals in general anyway.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (29 December 2007):

Why are two people in their mid to late 20's still living in their parents house? I think that the sex with your brother is part of a much larger problem. You seem to have a problem with delayed gratification. You go for what feels good NOW instead of what is going to be best in the long run. This is why you're still living with your folks long past the point when you should be living on your own. It is also why you're continuing to have sex with your brother. It feels good to have sex, and illicit sex is often more exciting, but then you feel guilty about it afterwards and wish you hadn't done it. If you want to turn this regret into action, if you really want to stop sleeping with him, then you've got to stop operating off of instant gratification. When the opportunity to have sex with him presents itself, instead of focusing on the pleasure you'll feel from doing it, focus on the guilt and regret you'll feel afterwards. You should be focusing on long-term goals in general anyway.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 December 2007):

Why would a woman your age have sex with her brother? I mean, I know you were drunk, but that is hardly an excuse. And if you know it's wrong, why do you keep it doing it? I do not understand how the knowledge that it is wrong makes you want to have sex with your brother even more. That does not make sense. If you really did think it was wrong, you wouldn't keep doing it.

Also, to the last female poster, how did you and *your* brother end up having sex, and why? Might help the initial poster.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007):

i know how u feel i've done it with my brother! u have to STOP it or else its going to get out of hand and imagine when ur mum and dad would know what happened

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 December 2007):

just tell him it has to stop because you are brother and sister and that it was a stupid mistake because you was drunk and it cannot happen again.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2007):

How did you know of this brother-sister couple? And were they having sex with each other? Did other people know about them, and if so, how did they handle the criticism?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2007):

I think some of the posts in response to this girl's experiences have being offensive and hurtful.

I personally feel she can do what she likes and make her own decision,

I knew of a couple who were brother and sister, they were going out for a few years and then understanding each others needs moved onto different partners, = ) do what you want with your life.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2007):

Even though you are trying to stop, what makes you want it more may be the taboo factor, that you are having what society considers forbidden sex. So that makes the sex with your brother hot and exciting. As long as you are both enjoying it and want to do it, there's probably no harm done -- unless you feel like you can't stop.

If you are having sex with your brother out of pure lust, and you don't have romantic feelings of love for him, then sooner or later you will probably stop having sex with him. So the big question is -- are you in love with your brother, or are you simply each other's sex buddies? Your answer to this question should help you determine if you should see a therapist about this issue.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2007):

RunningonEmpty, you sound like a very troubled person. I have no idea how your answers made it past the moderators. This is the second time in a row you have answered about on the topic of one 'having sex with one's sister'. I suggest you seek some counseling for the way you are thinking. I have grown so sick and tired of all these people coming on the site talking about having sex with siblings. This is site for helping people..not voicing one's sexual fanatsies. There are forums on the web for that sort of thing. Keep it off this site. Let's give this topic a rest and please moderators...take note of the content of the answers you are approving!

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A female reader, minimouse Albania +, writes (27 August 2007):

minimouse agony aunt you have to stop that write now you are the same blood gys you have to stop that because later you will see that you will hurt your self with that because you will love a girl an have family and children on your own and you will see. stop that.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007):

It seems to me that most women would be disgusted or even horrified that a guy had sex with his sister. So that is why I wanted to know more about the woman who found your experience exciting and wanted to know more details. Most of the women I know would think a guy is sick and perverted if he did something like that. Did the woman who found your experience exciting think that it was cool that you had sex with your sister? The only reason I would think a woman would find a brother-incest experience exciting is if she'd had a similar experience herself....of if she wanted to.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (26 August 2007):

This is to the guy who wants to know about my confiding in a female friend that found it exciting:

Why do you want to know? Are you researching the subject or do you find the subject exciting? Give me an honest answer and I may tell you about it.

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A female reader, cutiebeauty United States +, writes (25 August 2007):

cutiebeauty agony auntThis has to stop now!Have you ever seen tv shows about a child being born with two heads and stuff like that,well the lady said she was having sex with her brother and nothing never happened but then 1 night after she had sex with her brother she figured out she was pregant.Her mother never knew she was pregant of her brother she thought she was pregant of her boyfriend so anyway they figured out they had twins and on the they she gave labor she told her mother the sad truth her mother was devated and the baby was born stuck together.So i haveto tell you to stop while theres still time.This little game can one day turn into your worst nightmare and you re going to think to yourself "i should have stopped"but then its going to be to late!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007):

Well, it seems like you are conflicted about this issue. So you need to ask yourself a question: Do you really WANT to stop having sex with your brother? You say you know it has to stop, but you also say that you love it, and the taboo factor makes you want it even more. If you really want it to stop, perhaps one way would be to talk to your brother and try to agree on how much longer you will have sex with each other before stopping.

Also, I need to ask if you are falling in love with your brother, because usually when women have sex with a guy, they start to develop feelings toward him. This is where you need to be careful. If you love having sex with him, that might start to transform into loving him like you would love a boyfriend or husband. So you probably should stop having sex with your brother before you start falling in love with him, because that's going to make it more difficult to stop.

Finally, to the guy who posted here on Aug. 25, would you please tell more about the female friend who found your experience exciting and wanted to know details about it. I would like to know why she found it exciting and if she approved of your sexual relationship with your sister.

Also, to the other men who have posted her, if your sister agreed to have sex with you, please describe how you were able to convince her to do that with you, and if she ever talked about whether she enjoyed having sex with you as much as, or more than, with other guys.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (25 August 2007):

I had sex with my sister on many occasions in the past. It started as just touching but we progressed to full penetration as we grew older. We stopped in our mid teens as we found boyfriends/girlfriends but would often try to have "one more go" but my sister didn't want to. what I am trying to say is maybe (from my experience) it could be a male thing. I have researched the taboo subject and I am surprised by the amount of brother/sister sexual relationships, it is common and it could be a part of growing up with opposite sex siblings. My sister and I discussed our sexual relationship and we agreed it did no harm nor do we regret it. If you feel ok about carrying on having a sexual relationship with your brother/sister then carry on but respect the wishes of the partner if they want to stop. If you want to confide with someone, be careful who you choose. I have been lucky, I confided in two female friends, they weren't discussed at all, one of them found it exciting and wanted to know the details but that's another story. Well, there you go, carry on as long as you are both ok with it and use protection, don't risk bareback!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 August 2007):

What should you do? - You know the answer to that question. STOP - that sooooooo DISCUSTING. Its a harsh reality but somehow I think you knew what reaction you'd get. You dont sleep with your brother, you just dont. How would your mother (or family members) feel if they knew. Find some other un assosiated person to have sex with.

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A female reader, alaskan tornado United States +, writes (16 August 2007):

just walk over and say brother i need to talk to you about something we borth know haveing sex with each other is wrong so can you stop haveing sex with me and if he dose not say i mean it and if he says no stell tell your mom are dad are someone you can know whant tell becase that is what i did and my brother stoped haveing sex with me

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (8 August 2007):

What is wrong with you people? What you are doing is definitely not normal and has to stop. The girl knows what she is doing is wrong and you are just encouraging her! I am not trying to be mean but you all need to seek professional help!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (4 August 2007):

Me and my one of my sisters have done it a few times,just seems to "happen" started of with booz too.

Were both normal,thing is I couldent see myself doing anything like that with the other one tho,strange eh?.

Aslong as its consentual I cant see the harm in it

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (30 July 2007):

If you are enjoying it, but feel that it's wrong and that you have to stop, you probably will stop at some point. This just may be a phase you are going through because you are doing something that is so forbidden and frowned upon by society that you enjoy it and want it more, even though you feel it's wrong. So since you are aware that it will have to stop at some point, you will stop at some point. However, you will have to overcome the feeling of wanting it more, so you may want to go see a therapist who can help you overcome this problem, because it sounds like it might be close to becoming an addiction. People who are addicted often feel they need to stop their habit, but can't do it on their own and need help.

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A female reader, shaye New Zealand +, writes (29 July 2007):

i think what you are doing is WRONG! you must stop now! You should not be having sex with ur brother and your brother should no better. Both of you need to need to stop doing this its sooooooooooooo wrong!!!!!

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A female reader, Jendorset United Kingdom +, writes (29 July 2007):

What on earth is wrong with you people. This girl is looking for advice on how to stop this, and your all telling her to continue having sex with her own BROTHER. She knows its wrong, and deep down she feels ashamed, she wouldnt be asking how to stop this if she didnt. Nearly all of you are telling her its ok, and making excuses...not just for her but for yourselves. Yes it is shocking how much sibling sex goes on, but that does NOT make it right. Next you will be telling this girl its ok to have sex with her dad, cousins, mother and uncles. People who agree with this kind of thing may not be deranged, but they obviously cant meet non related people to have sexual relations with. Im sorry, but this is disgusting, sick and completely out of order.This woman is old enough to know better. She is acting like a twisted and confused 16 year old. And so are all you sister and brother shaggers. MAKE EXCUSES, TELL YOURSELF WHATEVER YOU WANT. But you KNOW, deep down, you KNOW that your sick people. All i can say to this fully grown woman is move out because you plenty old enough to have a normal life. Stop this now, before everyone finds out and you devestate your poor parents. I would be full of sympathy if your broter was doing this againt your will, and it really wouldnt be your fault if that was the cause. But im alot younger than you, and even I know better. GROW UP and stop this. All you people need to get over having sex with you relations and move away from the incest. I wish you all the best in finding a partner who is not related...that applys to some of the agony unts and auncles to. LauraQ, you can do whatever you set your mind to...just avoid your brother.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007):

You might be surprised how many siblings have some kind of consensual experience with each other, especially when it's the first time they have ever done something sexual with anyone. For example, I have read a lot of posts about girls learning how to perform oral sex by practicing on their brother's genitals. It happens more frequently than people might think.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (28 July 2007):

Okay, so people here are saying "It's okay as long as you keep it a secret. Use protection." I hate to say this, but this is just wrong on many levels.

I'm not trying to come accross as a prude or a moralist, but let's be realistic.

First of all He's your brother! Having sex with your siblings is no different than having sex with a parent. Think about what would happen if you were to have gotten pregnant!

Second, it's incest and it's illegal!

Third, you admited you both were drinking. Obviously the alcohol clouded your judgement and lowered your inhibitions.

I think both of you need to get some kind of help. You are obviously confused.

I'm sorry if I came accross as judgemental, and I'm sorry I really wasn't helpful, but you need to be realistic about this.

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A female reader, rockelle United States +, writes (27 July 2007):

rockelle agony auntI am amazed at how many people have actually had sex with siblings...

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A male reader, woodman United States +, writes (24 July 2007):

If you're enjoying it I say go ahead and keep doing it. I've had, and are still having wonderful sex with my younger sister. As Shannon said, it's the freest most open sex I've had with any girl - it's easy for both of us to ask for exactly want we want from each other.

In a way it's "pure" sex too, with none of the emotional things that go on with the usual boy-girl relationships.

And I bet your brother absolutely loves it too.

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A male reader, Uncle Trev United Kingdom +, writes (21 July 2007):

The main problem you have here is not between yourselves but society in general. It is frowned upon very much so like others have said be careful, be very careful.

In short though you are doing nothing wrong as you are both consenting to it. You just have to keep it so very very secret though.

I no doubt that this would devistate your perents if they ever found out and would probably hurt them in a way that could never be repaired.

Providing you are both extremely careful and no pregnancy develops tread carefully and have fun.

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A female reader, ShannonF Canada +, writes (20 July 2007):

ShannonF agony auntIt's like the deepest and most hidden secret I carry. But I don't have guilt over the fact I sleep with my brother. I just know how much trouble can happen if anyone finds out.

We started doing it pretty much the same way...drinking and fooling around...and since we were close anyway it didn't feel "wrong". It's not only very pleasurable...but also exciting and very a time I can let loose without inhibitions....after all, he is my brother and we grew up together...so embarrassment over wanting sex a certain way just doesn't happen. Also, I love him more than I can ever say....he is my best friend.

The thing is...keep it secret....terrible things can happen if you get caught. I'm a healthy woman...I'm not screwed up or dysfunctional...and my life is balanced and rewarding.

So...go ahead...enjoy...just be very very careful

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A female reader, Norex United States +, writes (20 July 2007):

Norex agony auntthere's nothing wrong with it as long as it based on love, i've been doing it for 7 years now and there's nothing but love and respect between us.

just make sure it's fun, tender and safe.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (18 July 2007):

i really don't see the problem. i feel if you both are in agreement and of reasonable age...then nobody is really getting hurt. of course the taboo factor is a BIG turn on.i'm male and i've had sex with my "straight" brother several times.

he dates women frequently and i date other men.we both live our own lives but every now and then we like to do our thing.just have fun and enjoy it..but do play safe!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (14 July 2007):

It's the taboo factor that makes you want it more, cuz you know it's wrong, but you keep doing it anyway. As long as you are both love having sex with each other, it's probably OK to keep doing it. Just be smart and use birth control, maybe two forms, like the pill and a condom, every time you have sex, so you won't get pregnant.

When you have sex with him, who usually initiates it, you or him? What is it about sex with your brother that you love so much?

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A male reader, MaybeSheIs United States +, writes (13 July 2007):

If the two of you are enjoying it - then why not? Are either of you two in a relationship besides your own? If so then maybe it is time to cool things off. You wouldnt want to hurt your other partner.

Otherwise all the power to you. Too many people consider this TABOO but so what? Sex is something pleasurable and it sounds like noone here is getting hurt.

Eventually if you want to live what most of society considers "normal" lives you will have to stop.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2007):

I am in s situation where I feel my bf has has some sort of sexual relationship with his younger sister....It is really upsetting that something like this could happen, I know you probably want to do it more because it taboo, and taboos are always a turn on.

However, theres no way your going to stop unless you move out or he does. Also, when he has a girlfriend she will have some sort of inkling, and no matter how discrete you keep it, you will always give it away.....Plus you've destroyed the sibling bond you two had, and that you will never have back. You two will never have healthy relationships. Also, if you partner found out he would more than likely expose you to the world.....

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A reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2007):

I don't think that all people who have inter-family sex are screwed up in the head, so counselling may not actually work. This is a tough one, since it's pleasureable for you. Try keeping a distance, maybe even move out of the same house he lives in.

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