A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I stop feeling like and outcast at work ? I work in a consulting firm in the city and I have been here for a year . I have noticed a lot of cliques especially with someone on my team. This man is 34 and is always gossiping with the other team members and they always go to lunch or events together and are just in the “clique” I don’t know why I find it very hard to trust him so I have always been very careful to open up because he seems to know sensitive information and I always catch him complaining about his fiancé and personal life - so it makes me worriedLong story short though because I try not to add everyone on social media and mind my own business sometimes they don’t say hello to me or they won’t invite me to lunch etc. he seems so popular and no matter what he does the girls like him . I admit he is attractive but he doesn’t seem like a great guy .Long story short how can I fit in? Is it even worth it? It seems like a high school clique and we are all older For example he didn’t wish me a happy birthday and when it was his birthday I didn’t bother but the other woman in my team bought him a gift (weird) . They also all chat on google and all have each other’s cell phones but he doesn’t ask for mine Any advice would help - sometimes I want to be part of the group to but I see them all talk so much it worries me
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2018): What are your future goals as far as the job is concerned? To stay where you are, move-up the ladder, or cross-train into another field or position?
Be polite, professional, and goal-oriented. Trying to fit into cliques becomes a distraction. People feed on your weak-energy; when they think they make you feel excluded or rejected. There are so many posts from people feeling put-off by this adolescent-crap folks are dragging into the workplace, that has nothing to do with advancement or productivity. Ignore him. Exchange pleasantries with your co-workers, and be professional.
Stay focused on and about what you got hired to do! Be the best!
If you want to ingratiate yourself as a team-player and feel a part of the team; contribute to team-projects, and make your voice heard when you're at meetings. Show your stuff!
Avoid known gossip-mongers. When the person who's the subject of gossip decides to track-down the sources; you don't want to be named. Stop singling-out this guy.does he promote people or sign your paycheck?
Do yourself a favor. Befriend people who show courtesy to everyone, and stand-out among the best. Leave the petty-folk behind. They may see something in you that threatens them. So maybe you should focus more on your strengths and weaknesses in your performance to get ahead! Let them mix and mingle in their homogeneity and mediocrity. Aim higher, my dear!
Avoid crushes on the job, and feeling down about the stuck-ups on the playground. Participate in company sports-teams, volunteer when they need planners for parties or events. Keep your eyes and ears open for job-related updates, better job-assignments, and changes. Keep your mouth shut about what others say about others.
I got promoted to Director back in June 2017. I didn't feel the need to be in a clique; because they usually stay in one-place. I did all of the above. Now those who use to ignore me take orders from me.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 April 2018): Sounds like a toxic workplace.
This guy thinks he’s king with all these women wanting to talk to him.
What an idiot!
He’s got them all under his control, wanting to be near him.
My work place is super cliquey also, but I say hi and bye, do my job and be professional. I’m an ok person & I like my job.
Those that want to talk to me, fine, those that don’t, (and there are at least 4) fine.
As long as I do my work and don’t walk around frowning all day or with
resting b...h face I know I’m ok.
Either do your job and be polite and professional, or find a new job.
He’s not going to change. Trust me on that.
Reporting him or them to your boss or higher management for bullying etc won’t work, you’ll be seen as not “part of the team” and they won’t support you.
Sadly cliques rule some workplaces, they shouldn’t but they do..
Mangement don’t care.
Sometimes you gotta leave..
Unless he does..
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