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How can I stop being so over protective and start to trust my bf??

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Teenage, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 November 2007) 3 Answers - (Newest, 29 November 2007)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, *ebeccaT writes:

I think i'm a bit weird...you know, a bit to over protective with my bfs.

When i have bf's i can get very protective.

For instance i don't like him looking at other girls.

Sometimes my mates flirt with my bf and i kind of pull him away from them because before now i'v seen him flirt back!! I don't like it when he goes out with girls when he's out but i can just about not worry about lessons that i'm not in with him.

I know i shouldn't feel like this and i should trust him but i can't help it! At first i thought it was natural to do this but now i realize it's just FREAKY! PLS HELP ME GET OVER MY HABIT!!!

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A female reader, TasteofIndia United States +, writes (29 November 2007):

TasteofIndia agony auntYou are too young to be this worried!!

What makes you feel this way? Have you been cheated on? Has any of your family? I wonder where this paranoia comes from?

It's great that you recognize that your feelings are a little extreme and you know that you need to learn to trust him. A real guy who truly loves you and deeply respects you would never dream of doing something that would hurt you. It's okay to be a little jealous or protective, but sometimes you need to grit your teeth and just have faith in them that they WON'T cheat or do anything to disrespect you.

If he's not entirely trust worthy (the flirting back with girls... is it real flirting, or just being really friendly?), maybe you're getting these over-protective vibes because he's NOT trust worthy and maybe it's time to end things.

I think you need to make a decision to trust him or to ditch him. If these feelings continue over time or with other boyfriends, maybe you should see a counselor and get to the bottom of these feelings.

Good luck, sweetness!

xxIndia

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A male reader, jm81690 Canada +, writes (29 November 2007):

jm81690 agony auntWell don't be too concerned about him flirting back, I do it too, I'llflirt with someone even if I find them repulsive, it's just a force of nature.

So is being over protective, I'm the same way, I get all paranoid if I see a girl I like chatting it up with a guy, my only advice would be to try and keep your paranois to yourself, that way you don't comeoff as controlling, that's what I try for.

But as far as getting rid of that paranoid feeling you get, I think the only way to do that would be to get to know your boyfriend so well that you have complete trust in him.

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A female reader, thatgothgirl20 United States +, writes (28 November 2007):

thatgothgirl20 agony auntI don't like it when my bf looks at other girls either. He's done that only once, though I think. And my bf def. doesn't go out with girls at night or something like that. He knows that that is a no-no. lol

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