A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:How can I change my negative mindset ; it seems I'm never satrafied and I have hit a rock bottom lately now that my relationship is over - in the grand scheme of themes the short relationship I was in wasn't great - he wasn't a great guy and I basically hung on because I've been accustomed to thinking that would save me a man would- all I do now is go to therapy and sit home every weekend and it makes me feel like a looser- I dropped my negative friends because they are all about chasing money and men- how can I learn to appreciate things like my health my good job my decent looks as materialistic as it sounds - I don't appreciate anything and I feel so guilty - all I've wanted was a man - and when I got that I was still sort of miserable- I am afraid to go to my old friends because all they do is party and pretend to drown their misery in drinks- and chasing materialist things - please help!
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female
reader, RubyBirtle  +, writes (26 July 2016):
Have you been to the doctor because it sounds like you are clinically depressed and short term medication may be of benefit to you in addition to your therapy.
And it sounds like it's time to start getting out there and making new friends if your old ones are really holding you back.
Start by going to a yoga class at least once a week. Yoga is very beneficial in depression and the breath control and meditation techniques you will learn can be used to help you feel both calmer and more energised. And be prepared to stick with it as you will probably need to be practising yoga for at least four months before you really start feeling the benefit.
You could also practice Mindfulness which is a type meditation proven to be very helpful in managing depression and other mental health disorders.
Once you've got into the habit of going to yoga regularly then start venturing out to some hobby groups or volunteer groups. And, once again, be prepared to stick at it. It can be hard to make friends sometimes but it certainly won't happen if you only go once.
In the meantime, make time once a day to do one pleasurable thing and just appreciate it for a few moments. They can be very simple......
Stop and smell a rose or some lavender.
Spend a couple of minutes admiring the stars on a clear night or a beautiful sunset or a perfect spider's web.
Eat your favourite chocolate bar as slowly as you can.
Soak in the bath with candles and your favourite scented bubbles.
Watch your favourite comedy movie or a musical and sing along. (I like Airplane and Bugsy Malone)
Change your bedsheets and put on freshly ironed ones and lie in bed thinking how smooth and clean they feel.
Wash your hair with menthol based shampoo and feel your head go all tingly.
Eat something hot or spicy and feel your mouth go all tingly.
A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (26 July 2016):
Being never satisfied is fine - that means you still have drive - as long at it is YOU that you are never satisfied with.
As far as changing your negative mindset, this is how you are going to do it. Say to yourself - "I will no longer thing negative thoughts."
Its really that simple.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (25 July 2016):
 It is hard to escape this trap because the lower you get the less you feel like doing anything. Your head is telling you there is no point. You can imagine the outcome of every scenario before you, and no of them seem to offer what you need.
However you head is wrong. You aren't thinking right at the moment and you need to go against your instinct to retreat.
Turning your energy outwards is the key. If you can get into volunteering and do something to help others that is particularly good.
It's not for everyone though, so you might try a class in something new. Try several things. Put it out there. You might just amaze yourself by having fun.
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