A
male
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41-50,
*ommy2k7
writes:How can I stop being paranoid about girl friends or girlfriends? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (19 April 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I gave her space at the weekend, and then all of a sudden, she phoned me yesterday just to have a chat!
A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (18 April 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAlso, the girl I'm trying to get with has been hurt a lot the past (by hurt in this case I mean lads telling her they love her and want to be with her, only to find that they're just using her for sex), and also there's the fact that she's worried what her parents will say as there is a10 year age difference
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A
male
reader, JackBauer +, writes (18 April 2007):
 I get where your coming from. I'm the same way with my gf. When she's mad at me and blows up, and takes her couple things she has at my apt out, I go crazy. I've chased her, called her 30 times, and even went to her house and work to try and talk some sense into her.
But, I think doing that has done more harm than good.
She usually spends 3-4 nights a week, but lately it hasn't been that much, and I always think the worst of what she's doing. But, I know she wouldn't do anything, since I trust her 100%. It's just I've been burned in the past.
Also, the girl your trying to be with, just might be afraid to committ to something right now. I think that's why my gf of 4 months, keeps pushing me away. She's been hurt immensely in the past, and thinks I'll do the same.
Granted I'm not perfect, neither is she, but you'll have to take your blows and let her come to you.......
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (17 April 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe talked to me today on MSN, and phoned me asking her to help her with her college work, ad started to make happy conversaton, maybe even flirt with me a bit!
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (13 April 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIt is also harder because it is hard for me to 'make' her open up
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (13 April 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't want her to see me asa 'stalker-type'.
I miss our chats every night as well
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A
female
reader, penta  +, writes (13 April 2007):
 This will be hard. You're obviously obsessing about this. But this is what I recommend:
Let her make the next move.
You're coming on very strong and you could easily push her away.
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (13 April 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhen shall I suggest meeting up with her again?
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (13 April 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't want to lose her friendship either; I was thinking of ringing her tomorrow night, or is that too soon?
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (12 April 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI rang her on Tuesday to see if we are okay still (as friends) and she said yes, ut I got the feeling she may still need some space
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (12 April 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe lives 1 and a half hours away from me, but I think she may like it if I make the effort to go and see her.
How much space do you think I should give her?
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (12 April 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI just want to go back to the time when we used to have a laugh and joke around.
Maybe this is me being paranoid again, but if I text her 'Thinking of you hope you're well', won't that mean that I have romantic intentions?
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (12 April 2007):
I think giving her some space is a really good idea. It sounds like she's told you she doesn't want to be more than friends right now, and that she doesn't want constant contact. You need to back way off or you're going to put her into a place where she needs to TELL you to back off, then your sunk.
Maybe cut the texting down to every other day, without expecting a response. Say something like "Thkng of u. hope ur well." and let it go. It will put a smile on her face, but won't pressure her. Maybe ask her to coffee once in a while.
As for whether it's ALRIGHT to be paranoid, lol, it will drive you crazy if you let it. Give yourself and her a break.
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (12 April 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPenta, Maybe I should give you some background. I started talking to her when I broke up wih my girlfriend in January (well we've known each other for 2 years but havent properly talked). We talked and texted every night, I cried to her for weeks, and then we carried on talking every night, in which time I asked her out; she said no, but me not being able to take rejection very well, wouldn't take no for an answer. Furthermore, apparenly someone pretending to be me had told people (in the Chatroom we talked in initially before we met) we were an item - she told me off for that.
I them emaled her with song lyrics from songs that told her how I felt.
I then got the idea that she wasn't talking to me, so I texted her about 20 times saying sorry and I don't want to risk our 2 and a half yr frendship
I then learnt what I told you above
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (12 April 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionIn answer to your questions penta, I would like her to be more than a friend, but she knows that, but she told me she has been stressed lately; I also don't want to lose her friendship.
We talked on Tuesday for a bit - she said she has been busy because one of her friends tried to kill himself and 'she can't be with everybody 24 hours a day'.
I think I may give her space' I'd hate to lose a friend 've confided a lot in (and the other way round.
So you think it's alright for me to be a bit paranoid?!
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A
female
reader, penta +, writes (11 April 2007):
It's a good question. If you go from talking every night to nothing in a week, your mind is bound to come up with all kinds of possibilities. Don't be too harsh on yourself.
As to this specific situation, what you do depends on (1) what you want with her and (2) what she does next.
Do you want her to be your girlfriend? Or do you just want her to remain your close friend?
Has she started texting/talking to you every day again? Or has she remained distracted?
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A
male
reader, tommy2k7 +, writes (11 April 2007):
tommy2k7 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionok, I have a friend who I like very much, and I phone her every night, or she texts me to ask her to ring me, which she likes (talking to her every night started when I broke up with my gf, she helped me through it). Even though we aren't an item, I keep on texting her when we haven't talked. I rang her yesterday and she said we hadnt talked because she's been stressed over the past week and hasn't felt very talkative and it had nothng to do with me. I thought it was something I'd done. How can I get past this paranoia?
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A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (11 April 2007):
 A little more information would help or any answers would only be guesses.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2007): Maybe you are worried that they are going to lose your trust, like a girlfriend of yours cheats on you and betrays you. What you have got to remember is that relationships have to have trust for them to work, without it you get paranoid. Same goes with friendships. So stop worrying and start to relax and trust.
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