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How can I stop being clingy and possessive?

Tagged as: Faded love, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (25 December 2009) 2 Answers - (Newest, 27 December 2009)
A male New Zealand age 36-40, anonymous writes:

i have been with this girl since 2 years...she has always been very excited and caring to me since the beginning....we dated for 6 months and broke off and again dated and broke off for some reason ...even though we are(perhaps were) the bestest friends for each other, we never behaved like friends and always used to be littleless than girlfriend and boyfriend....she said i was the best thing ever happened to her and that i will always remain special to her no matter how many friends she has.... she was damn honest and loved me from her true heart......she would put all effortes to clear even the sillest misundersanding between us and i used to feel safe with her.....we talked everyday and the communication was there....time went by and she left the town for her studies....

its been 8 months she has left the town and we still talked almost everyday and share our routines and gosssips around.....we were very close even though temperorily we went back and forth sometimes.....she doesnt have any attitude issues and she is very down to earth and supportive girl....i had that blind trust on her.....if i was upset with her, she would become restless and tried her best to clear it out....i would never think she will take me for granted any day.......infact i took her for granted several times but she loved me so much that it didnt bother her too much since these two years!!

lately, she told me that she has hidden something from me and that she has made out with a guy twice in this year......i was so pissed at her and tried to ignore her at all costs....she begged for my forgiveness and we didnt talk properly for 3 days....i became sick and literally felt like a psycho always thinking about her....i called her several times and argued with her for doing this.....she said it was her mistake...but i had to forgive her eventually......since then i have become too obsessed with her.....i have lost the blind trust and respect for her deep inside....

now the problem is that i have made myself too available to her so she has lost the interest and excitement for me...she has started taking me for granted and doesnt reply to my texts and gives lame excuses of being busy ...i can even claim that she chats with other guys and tells me that she had sent me the reply but she wonders why i didnt get it!! it has happened several times it i become annoyed at her....

but it continues to happen everytime as she has started thinking what an emotional fool i am and i keep reasoning with her for losing interest in me and asking for her whereabouts....she is not angry with me or cheating on me .....she still cares for me deep inside i know...we had cleared everything out ....she just doesnt bothers for me like she used to be and is tired of me i guess....she has also become very selfish...she shows love sometimes only when she misses me or she is alone...but trust me people, she is not that kind of girl...she is very down to earth and herself doesnt liked all this mind games....

yes and she is sick of assholes. so she found herself a nice little man who she can take for granted...yes she thinks i am a wuss and clingy but she loved it when i showed the possessiveness....so whats wrong now?? why is it all messed up ??? i keep thinking of the strategies to make her feel jeolous and show her i have my own lofe ....nut the more i remain in contact with her...the more i push her away from me and bear her fake excuses of being busy......it kills me from inside thinking such a down to earth and caring girl can also turn like this which i never even thought of.....i cant leave her and move on....i know she has grown tired of all this ...we havent met since 2 months and only talk on phone while she has many guys with whom she roams around everyday and i keep thinking about her everytime and call her by myself almost losing my selfworth and interest she always had....not me, SHE would have never thought herself that she will have to do all this to me ....i feel like crying ....please help

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (27 December 2009):

Dude, just give up she obviously doesn't love you anymore, it's over find someone else that's what she is trying to say!

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A male reader, bharat mehta India +, writes (25 December 2009):

bharat mehta agony auntWhat you describe in your question is your own 'emotion orientation' This is so with all most all person, but when it make us sick, then required us to identify its root and work to correct our own sickness. I have such emotional sickness before I make my self philosophically mature. I have suffer lot pain, depression and more much, too much to describe here.

Later I learn that emotion is only product of our own wisdom but more it is for lack of wisdom. Wisdom is our intellectual power that judge the value or worth of someone or something.

So, now I can say you from my experience, judge someone like we judge everything we need for our life. Don't ask but see proof for conclusion, and act confidently on your own conclusion, unless you observe something different from your findings.

Love is not blind, but we make it blind. Sex is important aspect of life and it is required to be kept in mind as universal truth. So, you should be ready and interested to share the sex experience of your lover with other also.. relationship is some what wider thing than sex, because it involve more elements in making choice as a life partner... It counts totality of personality. This is the reason why sex is considered as good in some form of relationship. .

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