A
female
age
22-25,
*hakeWutUrMamaGaveYou
writes:Ever since I've become a teenager, I've become a bit rude and bitchy towards my mum. I don't mean to do it, but she really, really irritates me.She tells me to do one thing then when I'm trying she gets pissed and shouts at me to do another thing.She keeps pressuring me to lose weight when I'm not even fat!!! Well, according to my teachers and friends and my other family members.I just want to start being nicer to her, but I don't know how. She really pisses me off, and she hits me too.I don't want to be like those girls who hate their mums, I want to be like those girls who are like best friends with their mum, but it's like we're enemies. When she shouts at me and hits me, I get angry and shout back.I hope you understand what I'm trying to say. I'm sorry if it doesn't make any sense I'm just so angry at her right now.So, can I have some help and advice on how I can be nice to my mum? Thanks xxx!
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male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (8 September 2014):
 My biggest regret in life was not being nice to my mother. It eats at you from now until you die. And, you only get one life and one mother so why hurt her. Karma will get back at you with guilt and regret so change while you can. Parents want one thing for their kids; a life beer than the one they had. In doing stuff for us during our childhoods they 'push all the buttons' they can to guide us into a smarter life choice than the took. And yes, it pisses us off to no end, they know it but that doesn't mean they don't like us. They hurt us without meaning to and we react by trying to hurt them back. It's an age old battle. When you have kids, the same thing will repeat itself. Remember, you only get one mother and one chance to let her live unhurt by you. Good Luck.
A
female
reader, Behavioural Analysis +, writes (8 September 2014):
 Call ChildLine 0800 1111 (it's free from any phone) or visit their website and have a 1-2-1 chat online with a trained counsellor. Tell them about the hitting (in detail) and they will be able to tell you if is abusive or not and what can be done to protect you and/or improve your relationship with your mum. You don't *have* to tell them any details about yourself (in terms of address or anything), so you're safe to tell them what it's really like at home and they should be able to help you find ways to improve your relationship with your mum in more detail :)
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A
female
reader, ShakeWutUrMamaGaveYou +, writes (8 September 2014):
ShakeWutUrMamaGaveYou is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi,Thank you all for such great answers.I did once try and explain to my mum, and tried again with the same result. She just won't listen. She starts saying "oh. well then you should stop then, shouldn't you?"I tried to mention the fact that she hits me and that's not right. She could just ground me.This just ended up in an argument.My step dad's normally at work or justs agrees with her so he can keep himself safe from her anger turning towards him, but sometimes, not very much, he does tell her to stop hitting but then she starts arguing with him.She always seems to think that she's in )he right. I've checked with the school nurse, and she said I'm fine for my age, I'm not fat.I'm a tall 13 year-old; probably 5,6 or a bit taller and I'm 70 kilos.Thanks everyone, it's just it gets to me a lot sometimes. It's not like I'm grumpy all the time. I'm normally very happy and thoughtful. I don't even shout at her, I just raise my voice slightly.
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A
male
reader, Forge  +, writes (8 September 2014):
 I have little to offer for help here, since I'm sort of... not you. Although WiseOwlE has it about spot on. Where is your dad in all of this?I suggest family counseling, for your mom and you.Being a teen is new for you AND your mom, if you're an only child. She needs to see that you aren't a child anymore.Follow WiseOwlE's advice, I'd say they've got it right on the target. Tell your mom just as to be told us.
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A
female
reader, missy_25 +, writes (8 September 2014):
The way I handled my mom when I was a teenager was to NOT talk back. Let her think your listening to her and let her vent but don't let it get to you. Try to listen the message that she is trying to convey but ignore the hurtful words. I think all parents wants the best for their kids, conveyig it though is hard because of the age gap. if I were you, I would surprise your mom to go out just the two of you. It doesn't have to be expensive, maybe go to the park together and bring your own snacks. Its cheesy but maybe she'll relax and appreciate you more. If the conversation leads to a possible argument just change the topic. when you mature enough, you'll notice more how much sacrifices she makes for you than the hurtful things she tells you realize, that's how she knows to show you her love. in general, just look beyond the hate and look for the love. Pray to God for patience and understanding. If you can see beyond the surface, you'll appreciate your mom more. fyi. My dad spanked me too when I did something bad, when I was younger, that made me remember not to do it again. So I think if its a reasonable "hit" it's fine. Being abusive is different though.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 September 2014): Your mother really shouldn't be hitting you. Where's your dad when all this fighting is going on? Mothers and daughters always seem to clash. Sounds like you're going through puberty; and hormones are changing your body and your mind. You'll be moody and stubborn. Sometimes you can't help it. If you have menstrual periods now; that will change your moods and make you very grumpy. You're growing and changing. You are getting older.
Try and talk to your mother and tell her like you told us.
Tell her how upset you feel when she is angry at you.
Your mother may be a little over-bearing and may be experiencing some changes of her own. She may be under a lot of pressure. If you're acting-up while she is having her own issues, she may be losing her self-control.
Ask her if you can check with the doctor to see if the doctor thinks you need to diet. If she will not do it, ask your dad. If you're eating a lot of junk food. Stop!!!
Eat what is at the table. Eat fruit, yogurt, and veggies.
Healthier snacks.
Raising a teen isn't easy when they talk back and act sassy. They see it as the parent's fault. Well, the parent is going to see it as yours. You have to stop shouting back. Tell your dad she hits you. When she does hit you, ask her why she does that. Ask her to please stop. Sit down and be quiet and wait for her to calm down. Tell her exactly how it makes you feel when she hits you. Tell her!
I have to be careful when teens come on DC mentioning abuse and harm. That is something for the authorities and family counselling to handle. Teens tend to exaggerate; or if something is really happening, you have to tell your school counselor or an adult in your family. Stop fighting with your mother and screaming back. It will make her angrier.
About the hitting. We here at DearCupid don't know how much of what you say is true or what you are exaggerating; so you have to tell an adult who is closer to you. We don't handle those kind of problems here. You have to find other help for that.
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