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How can I sort this all out?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (23 January 2010) 1 Answers - (Newest, 23 January 2010)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Sorry my question is so long but i couldnt shorten it anymore.If you need to know anything about it please ask.

Me and this guy met up and liked each other.after a week he asked me to have a relationship with him which i said no because i find it hard to trust people after a previous bf cheated on me.On one occasion he hits my chin and says he was playing and it hurt so i left and he txts me says he's crying and he's really upset,i forgive him and all goes back to normal.

Anyway he continues to ask me for a relationship when we meet up and when we text each other,about 3 weeks later he tells me he loves me and the only person he wants is me which i believed every word.He also tells me I am worth waiting for until i say yes,and that i am not to chat to other men online,which i dont except check mail which he asked me about and i said i just checked mail.

I dont see him for 10 days due to circumstances and then when i do go over,he says to me he'll be texting alot because his dad has had a ski accident.When i looked over at him i couldnt help but notice him texting someone called sarah of which he had typed 'looking lush'.At first i thought it might be his sister in law and he was talking about me.

Anyway he went to the toilet and curiosity got the better of me and i had a look at his phone.He was texting a woman called sarah and she had sent a pic of herself to him and she was calling him 'baby'.I wondered why he hadnt told me about this because we werent even in a relationship,so i said to him 'ur a snake' he asked why and then he noticed i had looked at his phone.I asked him what was going on and he said nothing and laughed,so i asked him if i could have another look at his phone which he said no,we playfighted with me trying to grab the phone after some hours he gave in.I went in the bathroom and locked the door whilst i had a look.He got angry and he looked at my phone in the living room and took all my cards out of my purse(random i kno).He hammered on the door and managed to open the lock with something.I was angry that there were topless pictures of this woman and he had been telling her he had feelings for her so in a moment of anger i threw the phone in the toilet.He grabbed mine and did the same.We were both angry and we argued and i insulted him many times.I left and later that night asked him if he slept with the woman which he denied and then finally admitted to.after asking this he told me he's changing his number i was upset so i sent a nasty text and said not to contact me.The day all of that happened all i eat was breakfast and nothing all day because i suddenly didnt feel hungry,the next day when i tried to eat i couldnt eat much and hardly had an appetite.I cried numerous times that day and wondered what i should do.The next day i went to work and had to run into the toilets where i burst out crying,calmed myself then went back down,my eyes were watery but i thought i better hold myself together.I keep telling myself i have to see him because he is all i can think about and i miss all the texts everyday.I keep crying and i really need to see him even if we are just friends without intimacy.

I really thought he was an honest person and i was shocked when all of this happened.

I really dont know what to do to make him speak to me again so we can try and sort it out,but it really needs sorting out because i feel so alone.

Thank you so much for reading.

All comments are appreciated.

View related questions: cheated on me, sister in law, text

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A female reader, janniepeg Canada +, writes (23 January 2010):

janniepeg agony auntHe is deceitful. You were not ready for a relationship but at the same time he says you are the one in 3 weeks. He said he would wait for you but while waiting, screwing someone else. You did not lose anything, all you lost is an illusion because there was no relationship to begin with. You are still hurt from the past and he is now another mirror of that hurt.

There is nothing to sort out. There is nothing in him you want to build a relationship with. Unless you want to repeat the past.

Maybe your fear of loneliness is making you seek guys who reinforce that fear. Meet people because you appreciate who they are, not because you can't stand being alone.

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