A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:There's this guy I went on a date with. On the first date, he kissed me, and I wasn't expecting him to use tongue, but he did. I usually don't kiss guys on the first date, but I kind of wanted to kiss him. Later on in the date, he managed to get my finger in his mouth and start teasing me by sensually licking my finger. I pulled it out making a joke about it, poking fun at him for it. Later we kissed again shortly after, he said "Grab me" and guided my hand towards his package. I pulled my hand away and told him he was going way too fast. When saying good bye, we kissed goodbye but he used a lot of tongue. I don't know what to do with this guy. I want to see him again, but he's a very sexual guy. If I go out with him again and he tries to do things that are moving too fast, how can I gracefully tell him that I need to know him a little better before doing such sensual things like that? (Even if it's just touching and kissing) I want to establish that those things are not easily given out Is it too late? Did I mess this up already?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (18 December 2017):
 It is clear all this guy wants from you is sex. If he wanted to be respectful he would never have behaved like this on a first day. I am struggling to see why you would want to see him again unless it is something casual you are looking for. Honestly the best thing to do is tell him you are not comfortable moving so quick and if he is wanting to get to know you more then he needs to slow down.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2017): You have to understand that some guys are very forceful and will do things before you're given a chance to consent or reject them.
You can't be too coy or prissy with a guy like that. They take what they want first, and leave you all confused and feeling violated. That's what turns them on. Being forceful and taking charge. In short, he's coming on strong; because he's already figured you're "slow." You don't react immediately, you have slow reflexes, and you delay. Some guys take that as being consensual. It isn't, but that's his excuse and defense when you call him out on it. Or, God forbid, if he gets totally carried away and you can't control him!
You don't use grace in this situation. You have to be firm and assertive. He's violating your space and uses tactics he hopes will get you too hot and bothered to refuse. I think you're going to have problems with this guy. He's not just sexual, he's too aggressive! He thinks he's heating you up and you'll just be so overcome with his moves you'll just melt and submit. To put it crudely, "getting you wet!"
My advice, when he makes a swift move; quickly pull-away!!!
Show a frown on your face. Show what you really feel through your facial expression! Firmly use the words "please stop" when it's minor, but uncomfortable for you. Loudly say "STOP" when he is being too aggressive! Pull free if he doesn't stop! If he gets carried away, he will over-power you! Gain his respect; so he will readjust his approach.
The mistake many females make in these situations is feeling they are overreacting, must be submissive, and he might stop liking you. If he has only one thing on his mind, it's not being your boyfriend! It's to quickly get to first-base! He wants sex!
Being human, it is sensual, arousing, and it does get you warmed-up. It has to be on your terms and at your own pace. He's trying to cut to the chase.
You have to separate the act from the intent behind it. Is he being romantic, or is he being sexually-aggressive?
If you feel uncomfortable or rushed, YOU MUST INFORM THE GUY IMMEDIATELY! N0 is NO, and if you don't act like you mean it; he will do it, and he will say you consented. In your discomfort and shock, you will be unsure of yourself. Don't be graceful, show your strength and control in any situation. Being female does not mean weakness or being passive.
This may be overkill, but it has to be when you're a really a nice person and you really like the guy. You will put his feelings before your own. It's too soon for all this!
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A
male
reader, BrownWolf  +, writes (12 December 2017):
Sorry...There is no graceful way about it. He already has one thing on his mind, and he is push for it.
Want to find out what kind guy he is??? Tell him straight up you are not ready for sex.
Then sit back and watch...He really likes you, he stick around to see what happens. He does not...gone in less than a week, to his next victim. In his case...I say hours.
You know what kind of guy this one is.
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