A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My ex-girlfriend has really messed with my mind about my family and the people that I've been closest to my entire life. She comes from a broken home, her mother has been through 2 divorces, and her father is gay. At my uncle's wedding, she was very drunk and talking to the bartender about all the things she disliked about my family (which she never confided in me about) saying they're stuck up, judgmental, and my parents control me and my siblings' lives. We had to stay at my parents house that night after the wedding and that caused all kinds of problems when my then girlfriend woke my parents up stumbling around the halls causing a ruckus. My mother asked my girlfriend to leave and she got a ride home. Since that night, my ex played the victim and trashed everyone in my family and said so many negative things about them. She offered up a half hearted texted apology (which ended with something like I've never felt so judged by a group of people in my life) which in my opinion negates the apology and puts her in the position of the 'victim' once again. You're obviously opening yourself up to be judged by acting that way at a wedding! The relationship ended after that. My family did not forgive her after that - most likely as I said, she would apologize and end her remarks as still being some kind of 'victim' in the situation which defeats the entire point of the apology in my opinion. My family is not perfect (no family is) and certainly can showcase tendencies of perhaps being too involved at times. I've spoken with my parents about creating boundaries and to try their best to not get too involved in certain situations. I'm 24 and they've always have been there for me, supported me, and I value them. I can't seem to get the thoughts my ex was saying about my family out of my head and I know everyone she talks to she is saying the same nasty things about them. Before we broke up, she would always say I needed to go to counseling with my mom to work on a more 'adult/son' - 'mother' relationship. I am really struggling. How can I shake this off and move forward?
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (6 April 2017):
 I remember your original post and it was quite some time ago your girlfriend done this at the wedding. My guess is a drink made her open up about how she feels. Yes she should have done it more discretely but it sounds like she had reached breaking point.
She is from a broken home and you are from a close knit one so she doesn't understand your families dynamics therefore you may never get back together because you are both quite different. You don't seem to understand her either.
Honestly you should stop worrying about this, avoid all contact with her and move on with your life. Why should you care what she says about your family? Unless you know deep down she is right and you feel suffocated by them?
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2017): As previous replies have said, she may have been jealous. It's also likely because the sort of relationship you have with your family is something she's never seen before, and something strange can easily seem threatening. But, there's no point in dwelling on what she thought and said about your family. The real problems is how it's got your mind going.First things first- what are your motives behind trying to resolve this? If there is any intention of hoping to get back together with her- drop it. If your mind is trying to find a way to make sense of it so you can win her back, stop. Start thinking about your family from your perspective and disregard what she said.But if her comments have genuinely made you start considering the situation with your family, then don't worry- it's not necessarily a bad thing. Throughout your life things will happen that will make you stop and think about whats going on. Obviously, when it's to do with family, it's a pretty big thing, but maybe there are some things that she was right about and she made you realise that.The only way to get past it is to talk and think through it. Are you happy with the relationship with your family? If not, where are the problems? Are there members of your family you can talk to openly about these things? Could it be worth speaking to a therapist to help you understand your feeling better?As you say, a family relationship is different from family to family and all have their pros and cons. The balance of your and how happy with it you are is up to you.
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A
female
reader, mad stacey  +, writes (3 April 2017):
Dont worry by the sounds of it she I very jealous of how close you are to your family ..she is a victim tho but not because of your family but because of her own ....she sounds like she needs counselling....just let it go wish her well and leave it at that ...you will be fine, good luck, be happy
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A
female
reader, fishdish +, writes (3 April 2017):
 Maybe she's just projecting or even jealous that you HAVE had such an involved family, given her familial instability. Do you have any other friends you trust that can give their input? Tell us more about the concerns you've had and what boundaries you've set with your family? I think the bottom line is: are you happy with the family dynamics? Do you feel like they're healthy? What would you change and can you change it? What did your ex think needed counseling, specifically?
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