A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone. A quick question, I am in a relationship with a stunning gregarious woman. We're to married in August and have talked about having a child together. However, I live daily in fear that things will turn sour. I try not to look for reasons to believe this but can't help myself. To be honest I am really unhappy despite having EVERY reason to be happy. How can I relax and not sabotage this potentially wonderful relationship? Thank you! Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, tiamaria12 +, writes (31 January 2012):
Hi,
Firstly, you need to begin to look at the relationship you have between you and your future wife in a more positive way,how do you expect to have a happy future together if all you keep thinking is these dark negative thoughts? No one can predict the future or tell how their marriage life is going to turn out you need to cast those negative doubts aside and stop torchering yourself with these unanswerable questions, start thinking in a more bright positive way,start by believing your forth coming marriage is a time that you really will begin to enjoy life because your finally with the person you love, if you keep your thoughts positive things that happen in the future are much more likey to turn out in a positive way.
All the best .
A
female
reader, sweetiebabes  +, writes (31 January 2012):
 Try to see what is most important to you with regards to your beliefs and values. There are times we feel unhappy because we tend to have complex values interpretations.
Like for example, you want to feel loved and it is what you feel most important and yet you do not get what you want in a relationship, you want to be happy and yet you do not understand why you are not. This is because you do not know what you want (I feel so based in my experiences). Or yet, the kind of happiness you want is not the kind of happiness you are getting from your fiancée because you have different interpretations of giving happiness.
Try to discover what would really make you happy. Having negative thoughts will not help you though but you can make it to positive thoughts and feelings. The other side of feeling frustrations/ fears is success. Do you want to be successful in your relationship and be happy? I think you need to act on it and kindly stop feeling emotionally lost.
Try to meditate and know what you want in a relationship, have a flexible behavior and try to open up your feelings with your fiancée I feel this will be a great help if both of you will look forward to happiness, understanding and more so build trust and confidence and feel emotionally secure.
This kind of feelings can be healed if you are willing to make changes to positive directions and by knowing what you want and have a flexible behavior on what works for you, what will make you happy.
We make our own happiness as they say and we can get it instantly if we are strong enough to make changes in our life.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (31 January 2012):
 I don't think you can ever truly relax in any relationship to be honest as so many fail these days.
You probably need to look back to your past to discover why you have such serious mistrust issues and are living by the self destruct button. I truly believe those patterns are set in very early age and can sometimes never be healed.
You can only ever really live for today. Tomorrow is gone forever and tomorrow remains a mystery. The only truth is the present and it is there that you should look for your happiness with a wonderful woman who loves you in the moment.
Nothing comes with guarantees and not everything is within our control. What you can control is your immediate thoughts and actions. Do the best you can and be mindful of negative thoughts...hopefully they will steer you towards relaxing and enjoying what you have.
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A
female
reader, Read-the-signs +, writes (31 January 2012):
It must be your past experiences haunting you and you fear that similar patterns or events will reoccur. To mark this as the beginning of a new era, I think you should book in with a counsellor and talk through your worries. Saying it all out loud will purge you of these anxieties and give you a fresh perspective. It would be great to dump your emotional baggage from the past and embark on your new life with a clear head. I wish you well.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (31 January 2012):
 Maybe it is not the relationship that is the problem, have you chatted to your Dr. You might be suffering from depression?? Or perhaps, go and see a clinical psychologist to help you get to the root of your unhappiness.
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