A
female
age
26-29,
*orthFightingFor
writes:So to sum it up I had feelings for this guy "E." Who didn't like me back. "W" helped me through the grieving process. "E" and "W"are best friends. W started to have feelings for me but I kept rejecting him because I was still grieving. Finally after he ends his relationship with two girls (not at the same time lol he had one and then another)he's single and I start to develop feelings for him. I tell him and he and I start talking. While we're talking I realize I still have feelings for his best friend E. I tell W that I didn't mean to lead him on but that I'm going to go talk to E and get closure. This upsets W and he tells me that he wants us to take a break. During the break I flirt with him to let him know I'm still there but it pushed him further away.He tells me he doesn't want anything romantically with me. He goes out with another girl a week after our split. They break-up and a few months later I tell hi I'm sorry and that I love him. He says that his opinion hasn't changed and that he doesn't know what the future holds. I still love him and he doesn't trust me. He says that I killed his trust when he was beginning to trust me. My question is how can I regain his trust? How long will it take? and can someone fall in love again after this kind of hardship?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (13 March 2014):
I agree, people here can be very judgmental. Information like how long this was going on for would be helpful, but the reality is that as long as he hasn't directly told you to leave him alone then you're not violating his space or anything like that.
In fact it sounds like "I don't know what the future holds" means there's a possibility.
In all honesty, if I was him I probably wouldn't take you back unless there was something special about you that I couldn't forget about. And in that case you'd probably be able to wear down my "self defense".
I'd just approach it like a new relationship. Ask him to hang out or do something and don't rush anything.
A
female
reader, WorthFightingFor +, writes (13 March 2014):
WorthFightingFor is verified as being by the original poster of the question I don't mean it to be arrogant. You guys are brutal with your opinions. I mean that what I say isn't traditional and that's what I mean by genius. My opinion is not what people want to see, they want to go with what everyone else thinks is right. Anyway, my point is people shouldn't stop trying to get what they want. I'm not saying that means going about it by begging someone to love you that has the opposite effect. Maybe trying is giving someone space, like iamheretohelyou said. Anyway I thank you guys for the input it helped clarify a little better and I do feel better, as I was distraught before. However I do think some of you agonyaunts are a bit pushy with your advice, it doesn't seem like you have respect for the person who asked a question. Just my take.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 March 2014):
 It's not about you having to "give up" on anything, it's about having a little respect for other people's feelings. W in this case.
If you give him some space, SHOW him some respect by not trying to PUSH him into whatever it is you want, who knows he might see that as a sign of you trying.
You know the saying:" you can drag a horse to water but you CAN NOT make it drink"? Same goes for people.
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A
female
reader, WorthFightingFor +, writes (13 March 2014):
WorthFightingFor is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks guys. I'm going to try the advice of waiting 6 or so months to see if I still want to pursue a relationship with him. Thing is I'm a person who doesn't like giving up. I feel as though with enough determination you van get what you want. Same goes for a career or whatever it is you desire in life. I don't feel as though one should give up on their dreams. Call it immature or crazy but I call it genius.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (13 March 2014):
Yep to Auntie iAmHereToHelpYou.
This isn't love.
You were INFATUATED or LUSTED after E. It wasn't love. You then "settled" for W, because you knew he was a decent fella but the moment you saw a chance with E you dropped W so you could gt "closure".
CLOSURE is what people try to get after a RELATIONSHIP not because there were crusting on someone who didn't like them back. There is NO closure for that.
And I agree, step away from the "dating game" for a while. No flirting. Just be you.
I think you lost your shot with W, and I don't blame him.
LEARN FROM this lesson. If you had been in W shoes and he was waffling between you and another girl in the same manner YOU did, you wouldn't have just kissed and made up. Like W you would say no thanks or waited for the other shoe to drop.
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A
female
reader, Keeley345  +, writes (13 March 2014):
Yes, you can fall in love again after this hardship but regaining someone's trust isn't always easy. But it can be done...with time. By showing the person you can be trusted e.g by keeping secrets, being honest and reliable etc you stand a good chance. But this guy liked you...alot. You shouldn't have led him on and you did but it's happened. My advice is to leave him alone and focus on grieving your relationship with E. That is the healthiest thing too do. After you've healed you'll be more open to having a new relationship and unlikely to confuse or upset the other person including yourself.Let W go. That is the kindest thing you can do. He too seems not to handle relationships in a healthy manner. Dating more than one girl then wanting you even though you're his friend's ex, raises concerns. He could benefit from taking time out from dating to re-evaluate his relationship needs and the way he handles relationships overall. That way both of you will learn from your mistakes and move on from this. Will you get together then? To be honest it's unlikely. There's been issues before an actual relationship has started so it's best to call this a learning experience and cut your losses.
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