A
male
age
36-40,
*illMe
writes:1.) My sister's boyfriend is 40+ years old and i think he is racist because of the way he interacts with other people including us. btw my sister is only 26. (the guy is british, my sister is filipina), my sister claims that he loves the guy.2.) At a dinner party, my aunt asked him what is his religion he said he doesn't have one and he's an atheist. (which is not good because we're catholic)3.) Our family is very conservative, ever since the guy arrived here in our country, they both stayed at the same hotel room. Which is very alarming for us. I know what lovers do and I just don't want my sister to get pregnant and stuff without getting married. My mom talked to her and she said she loves the guy.4.) Back at the dinner party, my mom asked him what is his plans for my sister. He replied: "I still don't know, my plans are still very vague".* after a month of living in here in our country, he still doesn't have any plans for my sister whatsoever, what if he changed his mind about my sister and leave her. My sister gave herself to him and for the record he's already at his 40's. I mean I don't really feel that the guy loves my sister and will stand by her. What can I do to protect her?
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female
reader, reefa  +, writes (19 April 2012):
Just make your sister feel the way you feel,tell her the logics and work hard to make your sister realize that her lover is not taking it very seriously and doesn't love her.I think this is the only way.Take your steps carefully because if you make any mistake in taking right steps you may mess around your relation with your sister.Just tell her the logics.Best of luck!
A
female
reader, dmartin89  +, writes (18 April 2012):
 Considering she works on a cruise ship it wouldn't make sense to NOT have travel insurance!!
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A
male
reader, KillMe +, writes (17 April 2012):
KillMe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe said it was a travel insurance policy, i don't know much about those kind of stuff. but right now we are in constant communication with her and i think she's doing good.
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female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (13 April 2012):
 Why didnt you mention the insurance in your original letter?
Have you talked to your sister? What does she say?
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A
male
reader, KillMe +, writes (13 April 2012):
KillMe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhy would I want to insure my girlfriend for $150,000 worth of accident and medical insurance? am I planning on killing her later on so I could milk the cash out of insurance companies? or am i just watching too much crime stories on fox and discovery?
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female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (12 April 2012):
What do you mean by having her insured? It does make sense, he doesn't know what he wants yet or he does and doesn't want to tell his girlfriends judgemental family. Not everyone has a life plan, and that may not be ok for you but that's how he feels at this time. How does your sister feel about him? Does she tell you every little detail of their relationship?
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A
male
reader, KillMe +, writes (12 April 2012):
KillMe is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was just wondering why he needs to have my sister insured, and having not any plans at all at the same time. It doesn't make sense.
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A
male
reader, baddogbj  +, writes (9 April 2012):
 Sadly there is not much that you can do other than stand ready to pick up the pieces as and when she gets hurt. Very gently without using accusing words,let her know how you feel and let her know that you will be there for her when she needs you. If you make a big deal out of the situation then she is less likely to come to you for help when she needs you.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (9 April 2012):
 As dmartin89 says,have you asked your sister how she feels about the whole situation ?. You are implying she is being taken adavantage of or being strung along, it isn't necessarily so. Maybe their plan... is to not have plans for the moment. Did she manifest she is unhappy about this r/ship, or is it just your family who's unhappy with it ?... It makes a big difference. Again , your sister is 26 , not 16, and not necessarily gullible and naive. This may be something that she is perfectly fine with.
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A
female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (9 April 2012):
Have you asked your sister how she feels about what's happening? You are leaving out a lot of important information. If neither of them are working together and they haven't seen eachother in a while it can't really be helped, and you would usually go to a hotel and have sex if its been.a while! It sounds like you disagree with your sisters chosen lifestyle.
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A
male
reader, KillMe +, writes (9 April 2012):
KillMe is verified as being by the original poster of the question@dmartin891.) He's racist, and his father as well. Came directly out of his mouth.2.) Ok, he's an atheist. 3.) They've been together on a ship for 3-4 years, the 40 year old guy is the doctor of the cruise ship and my sister is a photographer from that ship as well. She left my sister a couple of times already and comes back just to take her away. It's like he's just into her for the sex stuff. 4.) We're not forcing them to get married. We're asking if they already have plans. * Give the guy a break?? He just comes back to her for the sex every now and then. And when he's solved, he just vanishes.
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female
reader, dmartin89 +, writes (8 April 2012):
1) In this day and age that age gap really isn't that unusual, it works for some people. Why do you think he is racist? 2) So what if he's an Athiest, just because you and perhaps your sister are Catholics he doesn't have to change his beliefs to make you happy. Aggree to disagree. 3) This is her choice and her responsibility, if you have a problem with this then its with your sister not her boyfriend. 4) A month, 4 weeks, 28 days and you expect him to know what he wants already?! Jeez, give the guy af break! Relationships should be built on happiness not obligation. He may decide that he doesn't want to be with her a couple days or months down the line but this doesn't make him a bad person, just because he's shared a hotel room do you really think that they should be forced to spend their lives together miserable? If they decide the end their relationship - he'll find someone else and she'll find someone else.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (8 April 2012):
Your sister is a 26 y.o. adult, maybe she does not need to be protected ,maybe she does not WANT to be protected.
As a sister, you can share your concerns with her, remark that ,as of now, the guy has no plans to include her in her future ( which anyway it's neither strange nor sinister if he is in your country , and with your sister, since just one month ) and recommend her to always use contacception.
Other than that... she does not necessarily have to share your family views about religion ,relationships and sex.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim +, writes (8 April 2012):
While I acknowledge the concern and fear you hold for your sister there is not much you can do to protect her.
Just make sure she never loses contact with you and the rest of her family and friends, and be there when the crunch comes, I am sure she knows you, and probably others in her family, dont approve, but she is blinded by love, and cannot see the situation as you can.
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