A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I don't know how to move forward. I've got a lot of baggage from my past, a truckload of self-esteem issues, and an ever-shrinking circle of friends.I'm hoping some of this can be fixed when I start school again in a few weeks, but I've become so cynical. I'm afraid my cynicism will scare away any potential friendships.I'm getting out of a bad relationship and I'm trying my best to look to the future but it's difficult. I've been through a lot and I don't know how I could ever possibly find someone who can handle me as I am. I tend to have panic attacks, depressive episodes, and a crazy family. I feel like I only ever date crazy guys because I must be crazy.How can I possibly find a person to accept me? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (1 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your advice. It really helped me clear my head.
A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (1 August 2011):
 Until you accept yourself you will never find anyone to accept you. How can you expect a guy to love you if you dont love yourself? How can anyone make you happy if you cant make yourself happy?
If you are having frequent panic attacks and are feeling depressed then there is a good chance that you do have depression, you should seek help from a doctor for this as there are many ways they can help you.
But in terms of finding a new boyfriend, or making new friends - you have to come to terms with yourself before you can expect people to like you for who you are. You say you're coming out of a bad relationship - you need to get that sorted once and for all before you can move on. If there is still an ex in your life and still baggage from that relationship you need to deal with this first before you can think about moving on. Cut all contact with the ex - delete their phone number, facebook, email addresses....get them fully out of your life and never look back.
I also suggest being single for a while - work on making friendships when you start school again and dont allow yourself to get involved with any guys for at least a few months. Often when you have baggage from the past, the main reason is because you dont give yourself enough time to heal and truly deal with it. Being single means you need to spend lots of time alone, with your own thoughts and your own company. Learning to be alone, and to be happy alone is a very important process of accepting yourself, so you need to do this before you think about guys again.
So take some time out - get this bad relationship out of the way and make sure there is no contact with that ex, and then be single for a while learning to love your own company and figuring out what you can do to make yourself happy. Make some new friends and enjoy having a bigger social circle again.
Once you have all that - I'm sure you will be in a much better place than you are now. But it still is worth visiting a doctor for the depression, it is an illness and often it wont just go away with positive thinking and new friends, it does require treatment. So seeing a doctor should be really useful for you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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