A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello !I really need help with this question, because I'm really starting to feel as if I'm falling apart and can't calm myself.I have been with my fiancee for about 5 years, 9 months ago we broke up when I went to work in another town and we didn't talk for 6 months (bad breakup). About 3 months ago we started talking, got back together and I quit my job so I can be closer to her. After our breakup she got into a relationship with a guy where she has been sexually active.It was a rebound, she needed someone there to not feel alone and I can understand that and don't hold it against her. I had also had a one night fling with a girl, but I really didn't put any sort of soul or emotion in the sexual act, and I was thinking of my fiance and not that respective girl.Where things get tricky: the dude my fiancee has been with is more hung than I am, and although she say she didn't feel much pleasure with him, apparently I wasn't able to break her hymen completely in 5 years as she bled the first time with this dude. We had some sexy time recently and she indeed feels a bit different ( I can feel the "untorn" hymen missing). I came extremely quickly since I haven't had much sex in the last couple months and I'm having severe anxiety issues. She tried to support me and confirm that she did feel well, even if she hasn't had an orgasm yet. And she also told me she has never had a vaginal orgasm with the other dude.As a man I feel weak, inferior in every aspect, I am having severe mood swings, even started crying last night after having the sexy time. All I want is to just get all of these things out of my head, because everything else is just great. I want to make her happy and the thought that I might not be able to make her happy on all aspects anymore is killing me. I just want to make her happy and make her feel good and great.Also I keep imagining her with this dude and I'm wondering if she wasn't more satisfied with the other dude.I love her and I feel miserable for having left town in the first place for a job, but I guess I'll live with that for the rest of my life.Please guys/gals any sort of help is appreciated, I am going slightly mad/depressed. I am aware the problem is more in my head, since I'm pretty sure rationally speaking that she will feel good and great in bed with me after I get over my anxiety and self-trust issues, but I just feel broken.If she wouldn't have been in a relationship, and would rather have had a sexual fling with that dude, it would have been easier to cope with, but I just keep thinking that what we have is not that "sacred" anymore.Sorry that my ideas are not exactly in order, I have a really tough time being logical and concise right now ( physical pain from mental thoughts).Thank you !ps: just to point out, I do not hold it against her in anyway, we were apart, she didn't cheat, I didn't cheat, morally there's nothing wrong, I just want to silence my scumbag brain and feel better about myself.
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a break, broke up, fiance, got back together, hymen, orgasm Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2015): I am sorry about your depression/sadness and can really understand how you can feel like things are "not sacred" anymore. Perhaps your guilt and upset over ending the relationship the first time is really what is behind this sadness.Yes, now you have both been with other people when before your world felt perfect and faithful. I think your obsession with comparing dicks may just be your way of processing the pain of breaking up and getting back together. It takes a lot of commitment to repair the emotional fallout that both of you will have from the "break". But anyway, on the dick obsession - you don't need to worry about that. Trust me, I'm a woman and that has nothing to do with the pleasure we experience, bigger is definitely not necessarily better. Also, your gf is completely normal- vaginal orgasms from penetrative sex are very rare (no matter what size!), and women rely on 'other' methods for most of the pleasure, i.e. touching during sex. Finally- I wonder why she told you about the other man? Could it be that she wanted to make you a bit jealous so that you would appreciate what you have with her more? It sounds like you ended things the first time, so perhaps she wants you to know that she could (and did) have another well-hung partner if you leave her. I think that she actually needs reassurance from you. It sounds like you two love each other quite a bit so hopefully you both will be able to express that and move past the break.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2015): I don't know why are you flipping over some other guy's genitals instead of being thankful that your woman has chosen your genitals over his. I mean, what matters more in your life, some guy's huge cock or your girl?
... and to cry over how some guy is hung more then you? WTF, that is not an insecurity, it is short sighted stupidity which, in hind sight, you should have known it may happen since you let your girl go. For all you know she may have told you about his size on purpose just to console you that, there, even though he is big she didn't orgasm on him nor she chose him but picked you, the small one who makes her orgasm.
After all, you don't know how "hung" the guy is but you are going on her word which for all you know maybe flawed as often is the case when sex is involved.
Look, if you are OK that she banged sone guy, WTF does it matter how big that guy's genital is. Instead, focus on building a meaningful relationship so that she has no reason to bang another guy in the future.
Worries of the past are enough in of themselves so don't blow them up to the proportion that they can never be.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 March 2015):
 If I had to guess, the pain of not being hung enough and break a hymen is greater than the pain of break up due to moving away because while girlfriends come and go your penis stays with you forever. You deal with this self imposed problem with any new girl you see. If you have to tell people, "I broke up because of distance." People would understand, give you a pat but if you say you have this pain of not being big enough. Men say, "Oh my gosh I feel for you" while women are like, "why are you so obsessed with size." You love her enough to deal with the insecurities but before did not love her enough to make things work out so you didn't have to separate? Hmm. I am not sure if this is really love. It's more of wanting to right the wrongs, wondering what if you didn't move. Chill out for a while to see if you are really right for each other, or are you just reconnecting with ex. That's more an important question than who has the bigger penis. It's very easy to say, "we are gfs and bfs" but the true nature of it has to be determined by how long it lasts and how happy you both are." You can't restart where you left off and now you are starting this off with a new insecurity. You broke up because you chose to work at a different location, not because she thinks you are sexually inadequate.
Do you have a new job? When you quit your job to be with her you are coming from a place of lack. Your job should always come first. You broke up because of a job then got rid of that job to reconnect. You have to reconsider your priorities. Focus on yourself more because you have been betting your happiness on outside sources that can be unstable.
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