A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I am seventeen and have been in a relationship for 4 months or so, and it's getting to that point where we need to move on to the sexual side of the relationship...I've had previous relationships, but they haven't worked out because I just wasn't prepared to do anything or allow my boyfriend to do ANYTHING below the belt... I don't know what it is, but just the idea of doing anything remotely sexual actually scares the hell out of me and I don't know what to do. I know my current boyfriend isn't pressuring me into anything but I just need some advice to find some way to overcome this fear :/
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): Trust me, you don't need or want to move into sexual things right now. It's not going to make a good relationship and it's going to make you feel cheap... I suggest waiting until marriage (and I'm not some adult who doesn't know what it's like to be a teenager, I'm 16)
A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (3 March 2011):
 I felt the same way too...till I met my boyfriend. When i saw how amazing he was and what he meant to me, and that we were in a loving, committed relationship, I just realized there was nothing to be scared of.
We fear those things which we feel might hurt us. Somewhere deep down in your mind you have the fear of getting hurt...physical or emotional or both.
When the time is right and your gut feeling tells you that its ok and nothing would go wrong, trust me you would not feel any hesitation. Having said that, dont ever force yourself to do anything you're not comfortable with. Wait until you're ready.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2011): Hi some sisterly advice, don't do anything you are not ready:)
Science and wisdom clearly shows teeangers are not emotionally equipped to deal with sex, although it might feel good at the time, the after affects are long lasting and for some permanent, plus there is pregnancy to consider and contraception does fail.
Try and enjoy yourself if it scares you then simply don't do it. No one has a clock or expiry date for your virginity there is heaps and heaps of time!
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A
male
reader, sirch +, writes (3 March 2011):
I think that at some point in a relationship people reach a stage where they feel that it has to become sexual to stay alive. This is completely up to you, and I'm glad to hear that your boyfriend isn't trying to pressure you into anything, you just have to be sure that /you're/ not pressuring yourself into anything uncomfortable because you think that you have to.
Sex is scary, its unmarked teratory and it carries a lot of responcibility so I think its perfectly natural to be worried about commiting to anything.
If you feel that this is something that you want to do for him, then why not start small? There's no sense in jumping straight into something that you're not sure about. Why not take a bit of time to be comfotable with both of you naked, and then slowly work your way up from there.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous Mouse  +, writes (3 March 2011):
 This is why you should wait until the appropraite age and circumstances to be in a relationhsip. why should you be concerned about sex at your age? Just because it si common to have sex so young, and younger? It may be common, buts certainly not normal. leave all that alone, and try to focus on being a kid and growing up.
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A
female
reader, TrustInYou +, writes (3 March 2011):
 Hey Anonymous,
Well, I've had my experiences and let me tell you, don't be scared. I'm not telling you to have sex with this guy, but at least give him something. There is nothing frighten about intimacy. Try something new.
~Love,
TrustInYou
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A
female
reader, Aunty Honest +, writes (3 March 2011):
 At the risk of sounding cheesy here, maybe you're just not ready? Or haven't felt that way about someone yet? 4 months can feel like a long time, but there's only so close you can get to someone in that time. Do you really really fancy him?
I think what you have to do is work out why you feel uncomfortable about sex. Anything in your past? Body image issues? Sexuality? Low self-asteem? It could be a number of things. Loads of people don't have sex or sexual activities till way after your age so there's no need to panic or put pressure on yourself (especially as pressure will not help at all!)
Try and work out what the underlying issue is, and find a way to solve that. So if it's body image, have a wardrobe shake up or eat healthier for a while. If it's something in your past, talk to someone. If it's that you dont fancy him loads, find someone you do! But try and relax. It'll happen when you're comfortable and ready, and it shouldn't happen any earlier! Don't panic-it's completely normal to feel this way at your age-and much much older!
Hope that helps
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A
female
reader, SweetSmoochy +, writes (2 March 2011):
 Youre afraid because you aren't ready yet. If you aren't being pressured by your boyfriend, don't pressure yourself!! You don't need to be ready right now. It's ok if you aren't!
When you are ready, start slow, like with just hands on the outside of the pants, then the outside of the undies, working slowly. But WAIT UNTIL YOU ARE READY!!!
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A
male
reader, everythingwillbefine +, writes (2 March 2011):
"we need to move on to the sexual side of the relationship" Do you say you need to?
"actually scares the hell out of me and I don't know what to do" Talk to him about it and tell him you're not ready yet but one day you will be and you would like to be 'your first' if this is how you feel.
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