A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have been with another female for nearly a year. I am 21 and she is 30. She has 3 kids and we have recently got a house together.She works on Wednesday and Thursday evenings and Saturdays 6am-6pm and Sundays 6am-4pm. I am the one that does most of the cleaning, look after the kids and cook. I take them to school everday and she picks them up all the time except on Tuesdays when I have to pick up one child from choir a bit later when school has finished so that involves two trips for me. I always cook for her and the kids and wash up also. She helps now and again.The thing is it's like I don't get any attention and have to always make the first move to hug or kiss her. I feel used. The kids have told me they miss her because the only time she sees them is the evenings after school or work and between 3-pm and 6-pm on wednesdays and thursdays. I have said to her before why don't we share in taking the kids to school and she said fine i'll do it everyday like I wasn't going to help at all anymore. She is a very stubborn and defensive person and if I mention if anything is wrong to her, she flips out and says she will do everything. I don't mind helping and doing things around the house but all I want is for some help.How can I mention all of this to her without her splitting up with me and being upset with me all of the time and without her thinking I'm calling her lazy? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 April 2010): it seems to me that while your walking on eggshells trying to avoid upsetting this lady your feelings are put on the back burner.
She's playing you for A fool, you look after her kids, do the cooking, cleaning, etc and you worrry about up setting HER??? It's time to tell her to stop taking you for granted. You are trying to love her and be there for her and her kids, but who's there for you?
You deserve better than this, tell her so. Either she changes or your off.
good luck darling
A
female
reader, sarcy24 +, writes (28 March 2010):
 If you are dealing with a highly defensive person any comment can trigger them off and make them take things too personally. In this kind of situation you need to wait until the person is calm, not tired and not under any stress before you raise the conversation. I would imagine your partner is aware that she could do more hence the defensive stand so you need to make it really clear to her that you are not having a go at her. Sometimes it is best to say exactly what it is that you want , ie. her to drop off or collect on more days or whatever it is and then move on to a different subject. Whatever you do do not retract your request, stand firm. Don't go on about it either make your request, back it up and then leave the room and make the tea or just go and do something else. The person won't like it but they will dwell on it and realise after a while that they are not being fair. Do not get into a slanging match, if that starts leave the room and keep firm not bringing too many differentials into the equation. It is likely that she will kick off as that appears to be her way of dealing with things but I do not think for one minute that she will split up with you.
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