A
female
age
30-35,
*arnes66
writes:I recently ended a relationship with man I was seeing for a year.When met him he told me his relationship with his kids mother was over and he was in a process of moving out.Well he never moved out and woudn't take me out on dates.He only invest to have sex and leave.So I ginally ended it a month ago.Now I'm hurting alot inside knowing he lied about his relationship. I know I brought this on myself by getting involved with man living with another woman.I wanted to bealive it I guess.How can I make this pain go away?
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female
reader, malvern  + ♥, writes (7 June 2018):
 Fill your time with doing other things like seeing your friends, starting a hobby, joining a club. You fell for the oldest trick in the book and just be glad you have got out of this relationship. Married men, and men with families, rarely leave their wives, or partners and families because they've got too much to lose. I hope you soon meet somebody who is more worthy of your affection.
A
female
reader, Mystrijaded86  +, writes (7 June 2018):
 Sorry to hear about your situation and current state of discontent. Don't wish to be a broken record but unfortunately there is no magic fix when it comes to how we deal with heartbreak or broken relationships or our sometimes idealistic views for a combined future together.I recommend being aware that you are already on a pathway towards recovery of this unhealthy union.Perhaps also see positives in your heartache and there are numerous examples to an outside perspective.- being free from to me what was a destructive relationship- being free from a man of his treacherous character - free from complexities of partners previous failed marriages and children etc- new personal growth- strength of character from this life experience- healthier respectful future romanceSeems to me you dodged a bullet given his continued guile actions and he was deceptive from commencement of the relationshipYou will be stronger and more experienced in your next relationship which means a higher quality of partner and better quality of life in general... Your already on your way!! The destination is to not be in pain anymore but your journey should be the positive in all of this so don't place unnecessary expected time of arrival on yourself - all the best and safe travels!
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A
female
reader, holeymoley +, writes (7 June 2018):
 Its a time thing. Dont beat yourself up for thinking and wanting it were different. Distance yourself from this dude that is the power you have and not the power to change his situation. Chalk it up to experience and take time to really evaluate things should you find yourself in a situation like this in the future.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 June 2018): Once you get attached to someone, and you think you care for them; you're going to feel grief and the pain of loss, when you have to let them go.
You can't make the pain go away; it subsides with time. You can quicken your recovery by realizing he was a big mistake; and everybody makes them. Hearts break, but they heal too!
Don't sit around giving him the power to hold the pieces of your heart in his hands. Moping and whining over him is weak and foolish. It means you gave him too much of yourself; and didn't save any for you. You've got to love you too! That's what helps you pull yourself back. You have to take care of YOU! These are the times you must be selfish! You're in the repair shop; and undergoing major repairs. It's all in the mind! You have to eat healthy, drink lots of water, and work-off the stress; or it will also attack the body!
You take back your power, and you regain strength once you've allowed yourself to go through the phases of grief. Let your emotions flow. Then stop! Teaching yourself to regain your composure. Yet purging your pain.
You'll feel terrible and weep a lot. Then you'll ruminate and miss all the good old times. You'll want to call him; or jump every-time the phone goes-off, thinking it's him. You'll get really pissed at both him and yourself. You'll feel stupid. You'll even blame yourself for him not wanting you. It's not you. It's him.
You wanted the wrong guy, and this is the result. Live and learn. Don't hold regrets or give-in to bitterness. He doesn't have a right to destroy you. You have no right to allow yourself to be such a hot mess over some guy!
Then you'll start to decide you're tired of the very thought of him. The thought of him will almost make you ill. That means you're getting better. Go out, do stuff that makes you feel good. Cry in your mother's arms. Spoil yourself and concentrate on your job. Don't let depression or distraction interfere with your job-performance.
No getting high on drugs, or getting intoxicated on alcohol!
Then you'll start to feel numb. Another sign you're getting better.
You'll wake-up in the middle of the night, in a cold-sweat and a panic; and want to call him. You'll have all this stuff you want to tell him. Don't!!! Go wash your face, and put yourself back to bed. The devil is messing with you.
You'll want to rip his nuts off. Let that pass. You're still getting better. No calls. No stalking social media. No drunk texts. Block his phone number; so he can't text or call you. You'll relapse on rainy-days and lonely cold nights. You'll feel horny on hot ones. You just have to fight all those feelings; and think about what a piece of poop he is. He never moved-out, and he played you. That will snap you out of it. Life goes on!
Then your subconscious-mind starts to come to terms that it's over; and you'll start to realize you don't care so much. It wasn't really all that good anyway. You'll start to accept it. You'll start feeling like your old self.
You have to stay away from him and stop obsessing over his memory. You need to be a grown-up and not a cry-baby. You'll get sick of yourself. You can't dwell on this dead relationship; because it has taken enough away from you. You didn't get what you wanted. Well, sweetheart, such is life!
It will comeback and hit you hard from time to time; but you'll recover from the relapses. Get busy, clean the house, redecorate; and reorganize your closets and drawers. Play loud happy music, but avoid sad love-songs. Close yourself up in your car or a closet, and scream your head off. Don't scare the neighbors, you have to do this where you can't be heard!
Laugh at yourself in the mirror. Tell yourself you'll be okay, you'll be just fine. It's over, and you'll get-over him. Because it's true, and you will!
I know, because I've been there. I've done that!
Tell yourself constantly you'll get over him, Talk it to yourself, and it will be so.
I send you big hugs, my dear!
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