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anonymous
writes: Hey everyone,I've been going out with my girlfriend for two months now, and recently she's started hinting that she might want to have sex. Which is great! But the one thing I'm worried about is that she's a virgin...I have had sex before and would consider myself above average when it comes to pleasing women. I generally read a lot of tips on sex to make it as enjoyable for the both of us as possible, and the funny thing is they nearly all seem to work and drive her crazy.However, I've never had sex with a virgin before. She's very special to me and I want to make it as good as possible for her, but I've been told horror stories by friends on how much it hurts a girl first time out. Obviously I'll be as gentle and responsive as possible, but is there anything else I can do to make it less painful for her? I really don't want to hurt her.Yours hopefully Reply to this Question |
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008): hey im planning to have sex with my girlfriend and we are both virgins so we are both in the unknown here
i really am scared about hurting her and if i know shes in pain i wont want to do it.
The fact is i love her and if i hurt her i will hate myself for it
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008): Yes it will probably hurt the first time for her. Its because of the pressure. ok heres some tips you could use for her first time. Seriously pay attention because I didnt know most of this for my first time. You dont need to 'turn her on' to show her you love her that way. Just being around should already make her alittle wet. Just kiss her and hold her before the act. And to make up for not turning her on, use lubricant. Not warming or tingling or any of that crap because its going to burn the hell out of her. Shes never had that stuff in her and shes sensitive.GO SLOW!!! dont just shove it in. And every other moment ask her if its hurting. If she says yes, start pulling out. either she'll let you, or she'll hold you and tell you that its ok and to keep going. Either way, she'll respect you for it. Let her know you Love her. Most important. let her know that shes the only one for you and that youve waited for this moment for a long time. Let her know that what your going though is not just physical but emotional. And most of all let her know that youd do anything to make her happyDont put yourself all the way in side at first. and when youve come the a stopping point, just sit there and ask her how it feels. She needs to be completely relaxed so she can open up to you. Only move if she tells you to. And also, dont expect her to orgasm. Just dont.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008): not every virgin will hurt, my current gf was a virgin about 3 months ago until we had sex, she said it hurt for a sec and then started feelin better and better, now we have sex 3 or more times a day :) i was worried about hurting her and making it a really good first time since i got jyped on my first time, i ended up lasting 3 hours, got intrupted, started over lasted 2 hours got interupted again lol so her first time i never even got off and it last 5 hours just bc i wanted to take it slow and i was so nervous of hurting her because she is 99 pounds, and just barely 5ft tall if that "really small" lol
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007): Heyy, okay. first of all, i'm a virgin, planning to have sex with my girlfriend. As many guys in my situation "sex" seems great, Hey! lets shag! but when it comes down to you and her being in the same room, both arroused..you just don't have the courage to take out that condom and put it on..
Anyway, was reseaching and found some information. people who are planning should read this carfully. okay. foreplay ie licking out, fingering is a must. make sure she is moist as a sponge. Take your time. start kissing her lips, then neck then brest then tummy and then breast, make her want it. make it clear that this means somthing to you, but also ready to thrust the life out of her. A little bit of drink, don't get her drunk cos thats not cool, just a little bit of drink should make it easier..
neway..happy shagging
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007): Awww...that's sweet that you don't want to hurt her. I'm also a virgin so I tend to ask my friends (guy friends) about sex since I'm still a virgin. They aren't as nice as you are! They told me that sometimes she's so tight it hurts them! So they finger her for a few months...so it won't hurt them ("them" = my guy friends...not the virgin. Although they have no respect what so ever, I would take their advice, even though they weren't thinking of the girl like they should have been...it probably did make her first time easier and less painful.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007): hey man i have alot of respect for you, and im kinda in the same situation , only were both virgins and even tho were madly in love with each other, and i ko for a fact he's the one, and i know he would never want to hurt me... im still a little nervous but thanks alot ppl for the advice,....... oh! and same her name or wiper in her ear something like "your beautiful", "i love you" or somethin. and another turn on for a girl is to bite her lip alittle but not too hard :]
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007): I am 21 and just lost my virginity in Sept 2007. But I we were trying for MONTHS! LOL But we finally realized the trick. Number one, after both of you know for sure you are ready for sex DO NOT PLAN IT. For me, everytime we planned, I would just get dry and it was very hard for me to get wet because of nerves. When you are very nervous because "you just know pain is coming soon" it is next to impossible to get horny enough for the right amount of lubercation. Step 2, make her feel good. Do 4 play physically as well as MENTALLY. Remind her how she turn you on, and how good she looks--make her feel special. Step 3, like it was said previously, let her guide you in herself. Since she knows the pain is coming, she will be much more relaxed knowing she is in control. And tell her when she is ready for you to push let you know, and when she does go slow. Now, a lot of girls tell you to stop or even taken it out--but its a trick that worked for me, here it is. While you are going inside of her slowly, whisper in her ear how good it feels and how sexy she is and that you are almost in. Now I say that because I know a lot of girls get turned on to the fact that they are turning their partner on, plus if she knows that your are getting something out of all of her pain, it might help her to continue because otherwise it might seem to her that she is going through all of the pain and dicomfort for nothing. Lastly, if you keep telling her that a lot is going in and you are almost all the way in, your incouraging her reminding her that she doesn't have long for the process to be over so that might help her bare with the pain. When it all boils down to it, sex is 98% mental, so use that to make her horny and ready as well as comfortable. I am not just telling you anything, this truly worked for me, and I was the hardest person in the world to take their virginity becuase I hate being in pain and uncomfortable. I hope this helps! let us know how it goes, good luck! p.s. you are a great boyfriend.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007): hey, I'm in the same boat as you dude...we are madly in love and have been talking about sex and i want it to be really special because we are both virgins...so anything you find helpful, i will too
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007): i need help with the same thing we tried and she started crying b4 i got the head of my penise in she said it hurt really bad and i was going slow i dont know what to do
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007): oh my god you are soo sweet, im a virgin and im scared that my first time will hurt so it is very likely that your girl will feel the same, so do all of the above im sure it will all turn out well :)
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007): hi.. i am a virgin,and i'm planing my 1st sex soon...so... finger her to make it less painful... :) ciao
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007): make sure to use a lot of foreplay. if a girl is aroused or moist enough, she probably won't be ready, and it will certainly hurt more. another thing that goes with that is lubrication. if your considering having sex, hopefully you'll talk about it beforehand - mention that you want to make her as comfortable as possible and that maybe a little k-y would help (it will). and last, go slowly. if she isn't comfortable enough to be on top, which is a good position because then she's able to control how quickly or slowly you enter her, then remember to just be patient. you may be dying to just thrust at her, but it's only going to hurt her. take it slowly at first, and if she's like the average girl and your wankers not too huge, by the end she might even be able to enjoy it a bit.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2007): hey man,im in exactly the same boat. i love her and dont want to hurt her. does anyone have any suggestions for us??? any help would be greatly appriciated. thanks
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2007): I'm a virgin only 16. I'm really nervous about losing my virginity. Me & my boyfriend tried & it was really hurting. So I told him 2 stop. I really wanted 2 but my body wasn't working with my mind. We might try again but I'm not sure if I'm really ready or just wanna experience the feeling.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007): you should follow all this advice. Virgins aren't exactly sure of themselves and need time. Some aren't comfortable wih their bodies that well, so make sure she's comfortable. If that means you don't go completely nude the first time then thats normal. And make sure she feels like she's in control, it'll make her a lot more comfortable and a lot more trusting to you. And afterwards, she might have some emotions that may be hard on her. Just let her talk or cry, and make sure you listen to her. Also she might have physical pains so do what she asks the first time.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2006): I am a first timer too! But the best advice is that you take your time and talk to her first what works and what does and does not. So All I am saying is that you take your time and no need to rush.
anonymously
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2005): Sex doesn't hurt the first time for all women, but to be honest, it does for most. It did for me. To a certain extent, a little bit of pain is really unavoidable; the trick is to make that minimal compared to the pleasure. Make sure she has had an orgasm (a real one, not a fake - if you don't know what the differences are between them check HERE: www.maximonline.com/world_o_sex/articles/article_2895.html+fake+orgasm+difference&hl=en&lr=lang_en). That will make sure she is 1.) very well lubricated 2.) very relaxed 3.)more open to trusting you.
Next, go *VERY* slowly. Missionary is probably the best position, although some have suggested her on top. Missionary allows you to see her face, and she yours, so she can communicate with you when she is ready for you to go further in. Don't "bounce", instead keep your movements very steady. Her vagina will open better if her legs are spread far apart, but make sure she doesn't feel trapped. Realize that your initial entrance should probably take 5-10 minutes, or chances are you're going too fast.
Finally, don't expect to come, or properly finish the act. After you are inside her completely, she may still be in pain; don't immediately go to town. She will respect you more - and be much more willing in the future to help you to your very happy end! - if you are able to hold back. She'll be so pleasantly suprised when it doesn't hurt next time!
Good luck, and *THANK YOU* for asking - I wish most men had asked before they slept with a virgin. Pass the information on to others who might be in the same situation!
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reader, xox?xox +, writes (1 July 2005):
I think it's really great that you care about your girlfriend so much and hope she will be as comfortable as possible. You should start with oral which will make it easier for you to slide in your penis when you first have intercourse, what everyone above has said is correct, you must make sure to start slow and let her go at the pace she prefers, after the first time though anything possible!!!
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reader, Mickey_Powell +, writes (14 June 2005):
 All you need to do is to take it slow when you are having sex for the first time. If she wants sex let her have it but be gentle she is still fragile!
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reader, xxxmixed_mamixx +, writes (14 June 2005):
The advice stated is true and should be taken. The first time for me was painful. Maybe you should try lubricants to make it easier. Of course go very slow then move up to just slow. The next time is nothing like the first. After the first time she's ready for the kama sutra books!!! Missionary of course for the whole time you cannot go slow then switch positions. She's not ready for that, just let her ease into this slowly, then in no time you can get to the good stuff!!!!
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2005): your answer is as good as anyone elses young son, just be gentle. then a couple of days later you'll be riding her like the wild stallion you make yourself out to be.
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reader, Your big sis +, writes (8 June 2005):
 Start in missionary position. Let her guide your penis in. Don't push until she gives you a signal. Put her hands on your hips and tell her you will only begin to SLOWLY push in when she pulls you toward her. That way she feels in control and she's comfortable. And don't forget, resist the urge to push before she allows you.
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