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How can I make sex wonderful for my virgin girlfriend?

Tagged as: Virginity<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (7 June 2005) 36 Answers - (Newest, 24 February 2013)
A , anonymous writes:

Hey everyone,

I've been going out with my girlfriend for two months now, and recently she's started hinting that she might want to have sex. Which is great! But the one thing I'm worried about is that she's a virgin...

I have had sex before and would consider myself above average when it comes to pleasing women. I generally read a lot of tips on sex to make it as enjoyable for the both of us as possible, and the funny thing is they nearly all seem to work and drive her crazy.

However, I've never had sex with a virgin before. She's very special to me and I want to make it as good as possible for her, but I've been told horror stories by friends on how much it hurts a girl first time out. Obviously I'll be as gentle and responsive as possible, but is there anything else I can do to make it less painful for her? I really don't want to hurt her.

Yours hopefully

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2013):

Try using vitamin e 1000 I.U capsules inserted intravaginally 30 minutes before penetration. Also tell her to insert vitamin e everyday for 2 weeks before her first penetration. This will make her vagina supple and less prone to pain. Intravaginal vitamin e is prescribed for menopausal women with vaginismus, so I know it works.

Also, go slowly. It's better if she knows the angle of her vagina, so that she can guide you in with minimal pain. To do this, she will need to insert a finger into her vagina.

Happy lovemaking!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2013):

Thank you all for the advise on this, I'm in the same position as this guy, I'm sure all this advice will help very much thank you.

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A female reader, ShellyJones1982 United Kingdom +, writes (10 February 2013):

My advice to any guy who's girlfriend is still a virgin, is BE EXTREMELY GENTLE, absolutely stop if she asks you too, and she will probably be feeling far more scared about her first time than she looks. My first time, I was terrified, although i didnt say so or show it on the outside, was screaming on the inside! And yes, it hurt like hell.

Definately use KY, go slow, lots of sexy foreplay. Don't worry about trying for orgasms etc, until you've done it together a few times. The first 3 times hurt for me and was impossible to orgasm due to still being nervous and shy about sex, so treat the first few times as just practice and for letting her get used to you, and building her trust in you is also very important. Remember guys, a girl never feels more vulnerable than during first time, so lots of reassurance for her that you love her and would never want to hurt her.

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A male reader, Raffa Brazil +, writes (5 July 2011):

Well if you guys stop and think...if she starts with the lead ur gf will know exacly how she want...Just relax girls love to be on top. ^.~ Make sense...

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A male reader, Just another guy United States +, writes (19 April 2011):

Me and my girl friend have been dating for about a year and five months and I took her virginity. I have learned alot since I have started having sex. And one thing if one thing is true is that it doesn't take a genius to know how to have sex. To the human race it's natural and free flowing when I get ok at it. Evey girl I have had sex with has always been different and u just have to feel it out before going to far into it to fast. Start nice and slow foreplay is part of the key. Foreplay should be fun but right start with something subtle like making out. And stick with that for a bit just to start. Then move on to something a little more intense yet gentle and graceful like running your hands down her body above the clothes. Go on to the more sensual stuff like taking of the shirt and the pants in the heat of the moment but don't hesitate and don't ask you'll know when it's right. Move to touching nice and smoothly and figur out where to touch and how to and how hard to it's good to know. Like people have said every girl is different figur out what she likes and ask he how she likes to be touched and what exactly she likes. If she doesn't know tell or ask her to expirement a bit it's fun trust me. Hope I helped in some way shape or form.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2010):

Me and my boyfriend were virgins when we had sex too and here are somethings I learned.

It's ok to try more than once... It took us four tries.

Make sure she knows that you love her. Kiss her and foreplay is good to get her wet.

Use lots of lube if she's not wet enough.

Go slow. Ask her how she is feeling and if it hurts stop. Let her take a few deep breaths to relax (which is important for the girl to do) and when she is ready you can continue.

Don't expect her to orgasm the first time, but make sure after you're done don't just leave her hanging finish her up by fingering her or whatever.

Beware of blood. If there was one thing I had done it would have been to put down a towel or something. I bled a lot but I'm sure it's different for everyone.

I'm nervous now too because we've only done it twice because my boyfriend had to leave for a while and I'm seeing him again in a few months and I'm afraid it's going to hurt all over again because so much time has gone by.

It's nice to see there are other great guys out there besides my boyfriend :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (6 May 2010):

me and my both are reading your advises.. hope it will work for us........ thanks

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A male reader, mysticmoggy United Kingdom +, writes (27 April 2010):

Hey - I am in the same position too, this information is greatly appreciated, so basically having sex with a virgin is pretty much the same as normal but lots and lots of lube;)

Thanks all

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2010):

speaking from experience my first time i bled all over the sheets and the condom got stuck in my cervix. Parts of my hymen fell out as well and he was blasting music to muffle my screams. I had to go to the doctor the next day and I was confined to a wheel chair for several days till the swelling came down.

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A female reader, kentigirl12 United States +, writes (1 April 2010):

I'm glad there are some guys out there that care enough about the girl they r with to ask such questions. However, I am twenty and a virgin and I plan on being a virgin until I'm married however, I'm with the best guy ever and he wants to have sex so badly he gets angry with me. I hope that he will respect me and see this website and take some of the advice. Maybe he wont bug me about it anymore!

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A male reader, vikas India +, writes (20 June 2009):

I want to nmake you one thing clear that when a girl is giving you herself it means she love you very much and you are also required to do the same. I suggest you that when you want to enjoy the sex then you must make her comfertable by foreplay, talk. Then go very very slowly and ask her that what she is felling if she feels uncomfertable then kiss her and make her more lubricated and then again go slowly but do not forget to ask her evry second about what she is feeling.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009):

All you can do is assure her you want her and love her. If it hurts her take it slow and if it hurts her too much just stop and hold her and just talk about it and listen to her. There's not much else you can do for her other than be there for her and comfort her. It will be embarrassing for her as well. Once she is calm and comfortable and relaxed you can try again and take it very slow at her pace if not you can either go back to foreplay or just try another time, she will always be there. Just take care of her, that's all i would ask for.

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A female reader, xhailofbulletsx Canada +, writes (10 November 2008):

xhailofbulletsx agony auntHonestly, it will most likely hurt her the first time, if not the first few times. Virgin girls still have their hymen in tact in most cases, so when you penetrate, it will stretch or tear the hymen causing pain and discomfort. But, the more you do it, the less it will hurt. Just be gentle and slow the first time, and make sure she is wet (foreplay, lube, etc.) so that it slides in easier, causing less discomfort.

Another pointer, is to make sure she is relaxed. If she is relaxed, then her pelvic muscles will also relax, causing less tension down there.

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A male reader, Impured United States +, writes (5 September 2008):

I'm in the same boat. I love her and don't want to hurt her. we been talking about it too. i just want to do everything i can to not hurt her as much. thx for all the information. wish u good luck

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2008):

hey im planning to have sex with my girlfriend and we are both virgins so we are both in the unknown here

i really am scared about hurting her and if i know shes in pain i wont want to do it.

The fact is i love her and if i hurt her i will hate myself for it

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (3 March 2008):

Yes it will probably hurt the first time for her. Its because of the pressure. ok heres some tips you could use for her first time. Seriously pay attention because I didnt know most of this for my first time.

You dont need to 'turn her on' to show her you love her that way. Just being around should already make her alittle wet. Just kiss her and hold her before the act. And to make up for not turning her on, use lubricant. Not warming or tingling or any of that crap because its going to burn the hell out of her. Shes never had that stuff in her and shes sensitive.

GO SLOW!!! dont just shove it in. And every other moment ask her if its hurting. If she says yes, start pulling out. either she'll let you, or she'll hold you and tell you that its ok and to keep going. Either way, she'll respect you for it.

Let her know you Love her. Most important. let her know that shes the only one for you and that youve waited for this moment for a long time. Let her know that what your going though is not just physical but emotional. And most of all let her know that youd do anything to make her happy

Dont put yourself all the way in side at first. and when youve come the a stopping point, just sit there and ask her how it feels. She needs to be completely relaxed so she can open up to you. Only move if she tells you to.

And also, dont expect her to orgasm. Just dont.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 February 2008):

not every virgin will hurt, my current gf was a virgin about 3 months ago until we had sex, she said it hurt for a sec and then started feelin better and better, now we have sex 3 or more times a day :) i was worried about hurting her and making it a really good first time since i got jyped on my first time, i ended up lasting 3 hours, got intrupted, started over lasted 2 hours got interupted again lol so her first time i never even got off and it last 5 hours just bc i wanted to take it slow and i was so nervous of hurting her because she is 99 pounds, and just barely 5ft tall if that "really small" lol

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (19 December 2007):

Heyy, okay. first of all, i'm a virgin, planning to have sex with my girlfriend. As many guys in my situation "sex" seems great, Hey! lets shag! but when it comes down to you and her being in the same room, both arroused..you just don't have the courage to take out that condom and put it on..

Anyway, was reseaching and found some information. people who are planning should read this carfully. okay. foreplay ie licking out, fingering is a must. make sure she is moist as a sponge. Take your time. start kissing her lips, then neck then brest then tummy and then breast, make her want it. make it clear that this means somthing to you, but also ready to thrust the life out of her. A little bit of drink, don't get her drunk cos thats not cool, just a little bit of drink should make it easier..

neway..happy shagging

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2007):

Awww...that's sweet that you don't want to hurt her. I'm also a virgin so I tend to ask my friends (guy friends) about sex since I'm still a virgin. They aren't as nice as you are! They told me that sometimes she's so tight it hurts them! So they finger her for a few months...so it won't hurt them ("them" = my guy friends...not the virgin. Although they have no respect what so ever, I would take their advice, even though they weren't thinking of the girl like they should have been...it probably did make her first time easier and less painful.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 November 2007):

hey man i have alot of respect for you, and im kinda in the same situation , only were both virgins and even tho were madly in love with each other, and i ko for a fact he's the one, and i know he would never want to hurt me... im still a little nervous but thanks alot ppl for the advice,....... oh! and same her name or wiper in her ear something like "your beautiful", "i love you" or somethin. and another turn on for a girl is to bite her lip alittle but not too hard :]

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (9 November 2007):

I am 21 and just lost my virginity in Sept 2007. But I we were trying for MONTHS! LOL But we finally realized the trick. Number one, after both of you know for sure you are ready for sex DO NOT PLAN IT. For me, everytime we planned, I would just get dry and it was very hard for me to get wet because of nerves. When you are very nervous because "you just know pain is coming soon" it is next to impossible to get horny enough for the right amount of lubercation. Step 2, make her feel good. Do 4 play physically as well as MENTALLY. Remind her how she turn you on, and how good she looks--make her feel special. Step 3, like it was said previously, let her guide you in herself. Since she knows the pain is coming, she will be much more relaxed knowing she is in control. And tell her when she is ready for you to push let you know, and when she does go slow. Now, a lot of girls tell you to stop or even taken it out--but its a trick that worked for me, here it is. While you are going inside of her slowly, whisper in her ear how good it feels and how sexy she is and that you are almost in. Now I say that because I know a lot of girls get turned on to the fact that they are turning their partner on, plus if she knows that your are getting something out of all of her pain, it might help her to continue because otherwise it might seem to her that she is going through all of the pain and dicomfort for nothing. Lastly, if you keep telling her that a lot is going in and you are almost all the way in, your incouraging her reminding her that she doesn't have long for the process to be over so that might help her bare with the pain. When it all boils down to it, sex is 98% mental, so use that to make her horny and ready as well as comfortable. I am not just telling you anything, this truly worked for me, and I was the hardest person in the world to take their virginity becuase I hate being in pain and uncomfortable. I hope this helps! let us know how it goes, good luck! p.s. you are a great boyfriend.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 October 2007):

hey, I'm in the same boat as you dude...we are madly in love and have been talking about sex and i want it to be really special because we are both virgins...so anything you find helpful, i will too

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2007):

i need help with the same thing we tried and she started crying b4 i got the head of my penise in she said it hurt really bad and i was going slow i dont know what to do

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 September 2007):

oh my god you are soo sweet, im a virgin and im scared that my first time will hurt so it is very likely that your girl will feel the same, so do all of the above im sure it will all turn out well :)

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2007):

hi.. i am a virgin,and i'm planing my 1st sex soon...so... finger her to make it less painful... :) ciao

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2007):

make sure to use a lot of foreplay. if a girl is aroused or moist enough, she probably won't be ready, and it will certainly hurt more. another thing that goes with that is lubrication. if your considering having sex, hopefully you'll talk about it beforehand - mention that you want to make her as comfortable as possible and that maybe a little k-y would help (it will). and last, go slowly. if she isn't comfortable enough to be on top, which is a good position because then she's able to control how quickly or slowly you enter her, then remember to just be patient. you may be dying to just thrust at her, but it's only going to hurt her. take it slowly at first, and if she's like the average girl and your wankers not too huge, by the end she might even be able to enjoy it a bit.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (23 July 2007):

hey man,im in exactly the same boat. i love her and dont want to hurt her. does anyone have any suggestions for us??? any help would be greatly appriciated.

thanks

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2007):

I'm a virgin only 16. I'm really nervous about losing my virginity. Me & my boyfriend tried & it was really hurting. So I told him 2 stop. I really wanted 2 but my body wasn't working with my mind. We might try again but I'm not sure if I'm really ready or just wanna experience the feeling.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2007):

you should follow all this advice. Virgins aren't exactly sure of themselves and need time. Some aren't comfortable wih their bodies that well, so make sure she's comfortable. If that means you don't go completely nude the first time then thats normal. And make sure she feels like she's in control, it'll make her a lot more comfortable and a lot more trusting to you. And afterwards, she might have some emotions that may be hard on her. Just let her talk or cry, and make sure you listen to her. Also she might have physical pains so do what she asks the first time.

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2006):

I am a first timer too! But the best advice is that you take your time and talk to her first what works and what does and does not. So All I am saying is that you take your time and no need to rush.

anonymously

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (17 July 2005):

Sex doesn't hurt the first time for all women, but to be honest, it does for most. It did for me. To a certain extent, a little bit of pain is really unavoidable; the trick is to make that minimal compared to the pleasure. Make sure she has had an orgasm (a real one, not a fake - if you don't know what the differences are between them check HERE: www.maximonline.com/world_o_sex/articles/article_2895.html+fake+orgasm+difference&hl=en&lr=lang_en). That will make sure she is 1.) very well lubricated 2.) very relaxed 3.)more open to trusting you.

Next, go *VERY* slowly. Missionary is probably the best position, although some have suggested her on top. Missionary allows you to see her face, and she yours, so she can communicate with you when she is ready for you to go further in. Don't "bounce", instead keep your movements very steady. Her vagina will open better if her legs are spread far apart, but make sure she doesn't feel trapped. Realize that your initial entrance should probably take 5-10 minutes, or chances are you're going too fast.

Finally, don't expect to come, or properly finish the act. After you are inside her completely, she may still be in pain; don't immediately go to town. She will respect you more - and be much more willing in the future to help you to your very happy end! - if you are able to hold back. She'll be so pleasantly suprised when it doesn't hurt next time!

Good luck, and *THANK YOU* for asking - I wish most men had asked before they slept with a virgin. Pass the information on to others who might be in the same situation!

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A reader, xox?xox +, writes (1 July 2005):

I think it's really great that you care about your girlfriend so much and hope she will be as comfortable as possible. You should start with oral which will make it easier for you to slide in your penis when you first have intercourse, what everyone above has said is correct, you must make sure to start slow and let her go at the pace she prefers, after the first time though anything possible!!!

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A reader, Mickey_Powell +, writes (14 June 2005):

Mickey_Powell agony auntAll you need to do is to take it slow when you are having sex for the first time. If she wants sex let her have it but be gentle she is still fragile!

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A reader, xxxmixed_mamixx +, writes (14 June 2005):

The advice stated is true and should be taken. The first time for me was painful. Maybe you should try lubricants to make it easier. Of course go very slow then move up to just slow. The next time is nothing like the first. After the first time she's ready for the kama sutra books!!! Missionary of course for the whole time you cannot go slow then switch positions. She's not ready for that, just let her ease into this slowly, then in no time you can get to the good stuff!!!!

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A reader, anonymous, writes (8 June 2005):

your answer is as good as anyone elses young son, just be gentle. then a couple of days later you'll be riding her like the wild stallion you make yourself out to be.

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A reader, Your big sis +, writes (8 June 2005):

Your big sis agony auntStart in missionary position. Let her guide your penis in. Don't push until she gives you a signal. Put her hands on your hips and tell her you will only begin to SLOWLY push in when she pulls you toward her. That way she feels in control and she's comfortable. And don't forget, resist the urge to push before she allows you.

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