A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been with my bf for about two years now when we met I had moved to the city and so didn't know anyone but my aunt here who's no help to me whatsoever. The problem is I haven't made any friends since we got together we do everything he wants to do see everyone he wants to see, my old life all but a memory now. I had friends back home but now they hardly speak to me because I haven't seen them in so long. hes not interested in my friends anyway. His friends are all really wild they talking luridly about his past and when I get upset he gets annoyed. I know if he actually took the time to meet any of my friends he'd hit the roof if they recanted such disgusting things. I know everyone has a past but you don't have to talk so regularly about it that everyone knows every detail. I need my own life I feel so suffocated but he gets annoyed when I say anything saying it was my choice to move here so I just have to deal with it. My plan was never to move here permanently I just wanted to try a new city for a while and now i'm stuck here forever. I don't know what to do i'm so cut off that if I leave I've got nothing to go back to. I don't have any family who will take me in and my friends will think i'm taking the piss showing up on their doorstep. I love my bf but I don't want to live his life I want my own life again. If anyone has any advice anything I could say to him to make him understand that my life is not just an extension of his. Thank you. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (1 October 2013):
 Pardon the typoes, writing on my phone.
A
female
reader, chigirl +, writes (1 October 2013):
Break up and go home to your friends. If they are true friebds they will ve there for you. You cant live your life like this, and it will not change. He will not change. Do the things you need to do to be happy! Its your life after all!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (30 September 2013): "How can I make him understand that my life is not just an extension of his?"
You can't.
You are under the thumb of a controlling boyfriend because that's exactly where he wants you and that was exactly his intent in luring you to move in with him, isolating you first geographically and then emotionally from your friends and family back home. If he can't get his way by exerting emotional control over you, then he is very likely to attempt to resort to using physical control.
Tisha-1's advice is spot-on. You would be very well-served to follow it.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (30 September 2013):
 Please leave now. You are in an abusive relationship. I think you underestimate your family and friends. He likely has made you question their loyalty and receptivity to you.
I have a helpline website for you. Please use and let us know when you reach safety: http://www.helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
With very best wishes to you.
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