A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Does anyone have experience in co-parenting? I recently split from my boyfriend, and we have 2 children. Things ended pretty badly, but I've accepted that we're through. I think he's taking it a bit harder than I am, but as a mother, you don't have the luxury to "take it hard." I have children to take care of and responsibilities. As much as he hates me, I've really only been thinking about him and his well-being. If our relationship has gone bad, so be it, but he's a great father and I don't want his and our children's relationship to suffer. If he'd be receptive,if he'd even talk to me, I would like to keep open communication between him and our kids. If there's one thing I can save here, it's their relationship. They need both parents. So if you have any suggestions on how to make this co-parenting thing go smoother, how to minimize awkwardness and conflict, or how to just explain this to the kids, anything at all, I'm more than happy to hear it. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Eagle'sfan1986 +, writes (22 November 2016):
I am so sorry that you have to go through it but like you said your two kids comes first. I know that your bf is being hateful to you right now and is sulking about the break up but he will get over it in his own time to reflect from the bruising of the break up. What honeypie said you and your ex bf both need to sit down together and talk about the support of both yours and his kids together. Child support cost a butt load of money. You two need to settle everything together.
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (20 November 2016):
 Get it in writing.
Decide on joint physical custody arrangement or =a sole physical custody arrangement with a set and firm visitation schedule.
Here is a website that offers suggestions of what to consider.
https://www.custodyxchange.com/articles/schedule.php
And you also NEED to consider child support as well. In many states a single parent can't get "free" medical for the kids without child support having been set up.
I would suggest you find a NEUTRAL 3rd person (have someone watch the kids) and then ask your ex to sit down and go over a visitation schedule that can work for the both of you.
MY advice? STOP putting your ex first. He is an ax. PUT your kids first, and THEN yourself. Why? Because a LOT will fall on your shoulders NOT his.
I don't know the age of your kids, but I would NOT go into a LONG explanation as to why you split. They don't need details. They need a lot of positive reinforcement that they are loved and NOT the reason.
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A
female
reader, Ivyblue  +, writes (20 November 2016):
 sorry to hear you are having to go though this, it sux, it really does! He is hurt,ok but he needs to deal with that on his own time and not that of his kids-plain and simple. 'Great' parenting starts with putting your kids needs before your own.
If it is truly over, then you owe it to your kids to let them know. I think that is best done coming from both parents but if he is not willing to get on board with that, then I'm afraid that is something you will need to tackle head on yourself. Just needs to be age appropriate, truthful, offer no false hope, offer to answer any questions as best you can and let them know it is ok to feel sad or angry etc. Whatever you may be feeling towards your ex don't make the mistake of trash talking their dad and if they do ask questions and you don't have an answer it is ok. Don't feel as though you have to just for the sake of anything is better than nothing.
Why you busted up you haven't mentioned but that could dictate heavily as to how difficult he chooses to be. So you would have to be very mindful of how you go about things. Co parenting wont work too well if you have different values, habits (substance),flaunt new partners ( after or from cheating), playing the blame game, being unreliable,demanding or selfish. In addition keep others out of it. Listen to each other, not angry or upset grandparents or siblings. Have you considered writing down in a letter how important it is to his kids that he remains a positive constant in their lives,what expectations you have of him and what he can expect of you? By sticking to what is important (kids) and without mentioning the failed relationship I would be seeking a time, date and mutual place to discuss things. Best of luck
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