A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:I am at my wits end with my ex-boyfriend. We have a 3 month old son but we split up when i was pregnant. I live alone with our son and he lives with his parents. He pays me maintenance each month and we both do our best to raise him. The thing is, my ex thinks that he can just collect our son on his days, and bring him back hours later than what he told me. He also doesnt listen to me when I try to tell him about feed times and nap times. I am trying to get my son into a routine but every time he has spent the day or night with his dad he comes back all unsettled. I know this is because my ex does not do what I ask him to do and just does his own thing no matter how many times Ive tried telling him. When we argued about it tonight, he totally doesnt see my point. Even when he brought our son back to me an hour and half late he couldnt see what the problem was and thought I just wanted to argue. I cant handle him anymore. Of course I dont want my son to stop seeing his dad but how can I let him have him when i know he is not following the same routine as me and i wont know what time he will be bringing him back? Ive threatened to go through the court system but he seems to think that the court will be more lenient with him. Communication has completely broken down between us now. I cant even speak to him without getting angry. Im not sure how to deal with this?
View related questions:
my ex, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, RAINORFIRE  +, writes (22 July 2010):
 The kids three months what kind of routine does he need all he does s cry eat sleep and crap... you just seem disgruntled your lucky the guy even comes to pick up the kid it doesnt seem worth t to have to hear your mouth everytime... BUT i agree he shouldnt bring the kid back late if you BOTH agree on a pickup and drop off time thats when he should be there not late... maybe you should talk to him about that not about a routine for a 3 month old... and do it in a way thats not nagging irritating and annoying
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (22 July 2010):
Sorry, but you're out of luck.
Whilst you do have the right to ensure he arrives on time with your child, you have no right to control what he does so long as it is not illegal. He pays his maintenance, he sees his child, and the only thing he does wrong is to bring your child back late. That's the only thing you have a right to moan at (and that can be mentioned at court).
You need to accept that while you are both parents, you're no longer together. That means that you have no control over what happens between your child and ex while they are together. Whether you think you're right or not, whether you are right or not, he is under no obligation to listen. Clearly it would be useful if he listened, but at this time he won't. In fact it may well be that he'll do it in his own time without you there in the background.
You have no right to stop him seeing his son, and you have to let him see him. If you don't, he can apply for more time and even custody.
Sorry, but there it is. All you can do is the best for your son, and make sure you follow up the fact that your ex is always late. Other than that, you need to accept that your ex and son can do their own thing, as they like. Try to stop it, try to stop him seeing his son, and you'll be in a huge amount of trouble. Do the best for your son, let your ex do it in his own time.
...............................
|
