A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I can't take being neglected anymore. My bf and I have been together for 5 years. We've hit a rough patch and things have been horrible. He ignores me knowing, full well, how I feel about it. Then I get mad and start bitching and he laughs at me. He won't even ask me anymore how I am for an entire week. All I get is a message that says "love you" and then he disappears again until he decides to send me another one saying the same thing or something else short and "supposedly" sweet. I'm extremely lonely and do not recognize this man anymore.We broke up for several months and I decided to give it another go after he asked me to, and was acting like his old self (the good self i fell in love with). He's just not the same person I fell in love with. He's disrespectful to me and gives me breadcrumbs and because I fell in love with him and hate to walk away from 5 years I just take it. He's doing things to get a rise out of me and that annoys me off and makes me lash out at him. Right now we're fighting over facebook about how I'm feeling neglected and he goes and posts some nasty video on my timeline of nothing but naked lesbians making out with each other. And I know he did it just to get me upset, NO other reason whatsoever. It's not the video that annoys me, it's the fact he does it with intentions of upsetting me. He knows exactly how to push my buttons and what to do/say to get me to react. He *loves* getting a reaction. If I get jealous/bitchy or hurt I think he thrives off of it and it shows him that I care and I'll pine over him. Even though I've stopped rewarding his bad behaviour and have only saw him one day out of the past 4 weeks. If he can't treat me with some respect and act like he wants me around, I'm not coming around when he snaps his fingers. In his defense, he did try to see me numerous times during the past 4 weeks but I refused to go because of how I was being treated. I saw him this past Monday, that one time in 4 weeks, and it went fine. We're great when we're together, it's just like old times, but when we're apart he's a monster.He thinks he's bipolar but I don't know. He's fine one minute and someone else the next.I want to stop "reacting" but I don't really know how. He does the same rubbish behaviour over and over and I find it hard to just ignore it and go on happily with my day while he sits there all smug. When I don't react that's when he gets angry-ish and makes a comment on how I don't seem to care about him. From what I've heard, this is how he acted his entire life in all of his relationships, and as a result they all seemed to have left him. Other than just up and leaving him (which I probably will be anyway) how do I turn off my "reactor"? lol. I want to get to where NOTHING he says or does will bother me. I do every once in awhile but I can't seem to keep it going.
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broke up, facebook, fell in love, jealous, lesbian Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (1 February 2015):
 No matter HOW good a guy he is DEEP down, HE isn't GOING to be that GOOD guy for you. You do realize that, right?
Set yourself free. Find someone who will TREAT you right.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2015): hahaha. Honeypie, I'm laughing because I posted a response earlier before I saw yours where I, also, called him an asshat. Made me laugh.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (31 January 2015):
You know, the ONLY one who can decide how much of this crap you can and will take, IS YOU.
You want him to change because his behavior is hurtful, but you should also know that BY NOW, he isn't GOING to. AND that YOU can't change him. ONLY yourself.
When you two broke up and wanted you back, he PUT on the "nice guy" act that he KNEW you originally fell for. BUT that isn't who he is. A guy who thinks it's funny to hurt your feelings is an asshat, PURE and simple. He knows which buttons to push FOR his ENTERTAINMENT and he sees you as being STUPID enough to TAKE all this crap from him, IN THE NAME OF LOVE (not saying you ARE stupid, but your BF thinks you are, no doubt).
You can't TURN of your reactions. Unless you want to be some unfeeling, uncaring person, because ? THAT is not who you are. And DO NOT let HIM change you into one.
DUMP his SORRY ass. BLOCK him, REMOVE him from your life and phone and Facebook and STOP wasting your life on this guy who DOESN'T love nor respect you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2015): ** OP HERE - He does that to me, too. If I get pissed off by how he's treated me the day(s) prior I'll just stay away from him and then he'll send me a long message about how I don't care and (like you) some made up version of how it's my fault.He doesn't neglect me as much as he tries to push my buttons. He makes contact every day but I feel ignored because he'll send a "love you" and then that's where it ends (most days). There's no real conversation therefore it puts me off. He'll make more contact on some days than others but it's nothing like it used to be. He knows exactly how to get to me. If you haven't make no real attempt to talk to me in 2 days, then I don't feel all giddy to come see you that next day.The trying to piss me off is what irritates me the most. If he's being an asshat then I just don't see him, period. But, him *doing* things to get a rise out of me pisses me off. He's admitted to me that he gets turned on when I get jealous or upset with him. He said that when I'm mad, to the point where I could fight him, that it's sexy and makes him want to fuck me because he knows I'm mad and don't want it. This is NOT normal behaviour. If there's a time that he makes me cry, I can see in his face/eyes that he feels bad about it so somewhere DEEP inside he's almost human.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (31 January 2015): Sounds like an abuser to me. Possibly narcissistic disorder (you can look it up online). Had this done to me between 2010 and 2013 in a long distance relationship, he would give me the silent treatment for days. There were other abuses but one of his main tricks was to ignore me for 5 days for example, then send a message full of vitriolic about something I had apparently done wrong, usually nothing by the way/made up. I was on and off with this nutcase for 4 years. Haven't spoken to him in a year now and ditched him by email in 2013, giving him a taste of his own medicine. Try it yourself. Tell him it's not good enough any more, block his number, delete and block all online contact methods and live an abuser-free life. I invested too much time and money on a waster. Don't make my mistake.
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