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How can I learn to like giving blow jobs and how can I develop a healthy libido again?

Tagged as: Marriage problems, Sex, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (22 August 2007) 13 Answers - (Newest, 22 April 2014)
A female United States age 22-25, *ajue writes:

I am 18 and I have been married for a little more than a year. We have a baby boy who is almost one years old. I got pregnant the first time I had sex and I think that maybe that really damaged my libido. It's really hard for me to get in the mood.

My husband always wants me to give him blow jobs and I hate it. I know that's kind of selfish of me, but I read in a book that blowjobs are not supposed to be a job, and that you are supposed to enjoy giving them. I never want to but after I reject him I feel bad because I love him and I think I hurt his feelings. How can I learn to like giving blow jobs and how can I develop a healthy libido again?

View related questions: blow-job, in the mood, libido

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A female reader, samheiber United States +, writes (22 April 2014):

Blow jobs could rule the world if more women knew of their power. You may be on your knees, but in his mind, he's on his. When you hold his manhood in your mouth, you have complete control and his undivided attention. I used to hate giving head. The mere thought disgusted me...until I learned of their power. My man gets blowjobs on demand now, and I love every second of it. All day he sees hot girls that I'm sure he'd like to get a little dome from, then he comes home to me KNOWING not only can he get it, but he can get it the way he likes. I'm not saying he'll buy you a car or never leave if you suck him off...but learn to make his toes curl with your tongue and lips, and you hold his world in your hands ;) blowjobs are so sexy. just convince yourself, darling. You'll get it back :)

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A reader, anonymous, writes (31 July 2011):

I personally really enjoy giving my bf a head and he enjoys receiving it too. There are two kinds of hindrances that prevents a girl from enjoying giving oral sex - physical and emotional.

Physical: I think the first step to enjoy the experience is try to remove discomfort as much as possible. You first need to find a position that both of you are comfortable in. If you find the scent repulsive then ask him to clean up first. If you are not used to giving a blow job, your jaw and neck will ache. Personally, my jaw-ache subsided after giving a head every alternate day for about a month. I guess it's about strengthening your jaw muscles. I wonder if some jaw exercises help. My neck still aches if I'm the one making the movement so normally after a while he switches to fucking my face at a pace comfortable for him. The pace doesn't bother me as much as the depth and he knows how much I can take and he doesn't exceed it. You have to work these things out mutually as a couple.

The taste of the cum is repulsive for some women. Honestly, I also don't like the taste of my bf's cum. Depending on what he eats, sometimes I even gag at the taste. Of course I don't tell him. I wouldn't want him to feel guilty about how he tastes because he cannot help it. He's such an adorbable guy 3

Emotional: You have to mould the act according to your style. I am very submissive and it's a huge turn on for me when I feel dominated by my bf when he holds my head with my hair and fucks my face. But not everyone is submissive in bed. If that's the case, you can look at the situation in a different way. You can ask him not to hold your head or push it etc. and you can take control of the pace and depth. You can easily turn the act into a dominating act. That's the beauty of every sexual act...you can modify it to suit your needs.

All the best and remember...you would love it most when you truly love your guy.

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A male reader, tsar United States +, writes (3 November 2008):

I love getting head. My wife had never given head before. I started out slow and just let her put me in her mouths little. I never held her head. Slowly she got better and came to like it. I like it several times a day. Our marriage was wonderful. But at eight years she became resentful. The blow jobs stopped and we separated.

We went to counseling and worked it out. I am back to getting my blow jobs on demand but we have lots more candlelit dinners and trips to the opera.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008):

At first, i hated giving blowjobs. My boyfriend used to hold my head down and i would gag and drool all over his cock. He would ejaculate down my throat and i would feel like i couldnt breathe. He would hold my head and "face fuck" me until i couldnt take it anymore. Tears would be running down my face. Now, with my new boyfriend, i love giving blowjobs. He is very gentle and prefers to ejaculate on my face rather than force it down my throat.

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A male reader, Snafu United Kingdom +, writes (5 October 2008):

Now, personally, blow-jobs are not my favourite thing. For me the feeling of entering a vagina is many orders of magnitude more pleasurable. And I'm actually in the awkward position of having a girlfriend who loves giving blow-jobs! I find them a yawn, but having asked her what she likes about it, she says she it's because she is in control... well, maybe with other guys who desire it she's in control but somehow I manage to hold back when she's at work.

Anyhow, perhaps you can start to view blow-jobs in this light - that YOU are the one in control of the situation, the one controlling the man's desire, the one that is dishing out the pleasure or holding it back for a few seconds longer, teasing him. And YOU are the one who can bring all that to a climax for him, thus taking away his pent-up desire. Wouldn't you like to feel that you have that sexual power over a man?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (4 April 2008):

Hey, I think it is a difficult thing to do, and it takes practice..and you have to feel good about yourself and feel sexually ready before you do it. I think the 69 sounds like a good idea, but definitely...practicing visualizing yourself feeling happy doing it. You should not feel forced into doing something you feel uncomfortable, or be afraid of losing him due to having a hard time with it. Let him know that it takes time for you to learn to be comfortable with it. I suggest reading about it, maybe getting books about productive ways for a female to overcome this, especially after having children. Stress also decreases libido, so if there is a way you could use a good coping skill for stress...like running, doing art, what have you...you may be more apt to want to have sex more often when you deal with stress first. What you are feeling sounds perfectly normal, and especially after having a child at a young age, and being stressed as a mother. You just may need to warm yourself up, and educate yourself through books about how to make it work. Or talk to a sex therapist. If he loves you, he will work with you on the issue and be patient...but I know how men can get frustrated. You are not alone, girl.

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A female reader, Rainbows Saudi Arabia +, writes (6 November 2007):

Rainbows agony aunti suggest u do a '69'with him and just concentrate on ur emotions and how u r feeling and try to ignore u r giving a bj. im sure if he really loves bj, eventually he will look for outlets if u dont satisfy him...so to save ur emotions, comply.....Good Luck!

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (6 November 2007):

Not every girl likes to give her hubby blowjobs (fellatio) but baby,if it is a big thing for him, you should maybe study it, and learn.. because he will find someone who will like to give him blowjobs.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (2 September 2007):

I may off mark here, but what really made me despise doing it (i loved it!) was when my ex used to hold my head in a very "whore-like" inferior way! Do all guys do this... I think it's a bad experience that really make you churn at the thought :-(

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A female reader, hit-the-road,jack... United Kingdom +, writes (22 August 2007):

hey

dont worry.

there are some girls, somwhere, who enjoy giving head yeah,

most of the rest of us, like almost every girl i know, fucking hates it.

ewven tho we're happy to receive head, hypocrites aint we?!

but thats not the point.

you dont have to enjoy giving head yeah, but ifg you never ever give it it can cause like stress and that for you thinking bout whether you should/shouldnt, and he might be getting frustrated yeah

basically dont build it up to a massive thing in your head, dont make it a huge problem.

you dont even have to give him head til he cums yeah, just for a bit as part of foreplay will probably make him happy k?

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A female reader, shortybabes United Kingdom +, writes (22 August 2007):

shortybabes agony auntBabe, you can't learn to like giving blow jobs ok. You should not have to feel bad cos at the end of the day your husband should respect that u don't want to give him blow jobs hun. Don't do it jus cos your husband wants u to ok, always remember you can say no to your partner married or not, in a relationship or not.

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A male reader, jm81690 Canada +, writes (22 August 2007):

jm81690 agony auntif you don't like doing them i don't think theres anything you can do to suddenly enjoy giving them. Maybe if your huband tried to get you in the mood a bit more, might be more eager.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (22 August 2007):

It sounds as if your husband might be putting a little pressure on you in the bedroom. This is a sure fire way to lose your interest in sex. It needs to be relaxing, easy, and with no pressure. One way to get your libido back might be to masturbate by yourself when you are expecting him to come home from work, for example. When he comes through the door, your body will be ready to take things further with him. This can work in a long term relationship, and the man need never know. The best way to enjoy blow jobs is to fantasise whilst you are doing it. You can pretend the person is anyone, or you are in any situation. Think of something you would like and let your imagination go with it. Again, he need never know. Oral sex is always, in my opinion, best experienced when you are in the '69' position, with the man on top. This is another great way to let your imagination run wild, and tends to give you a guaranteed orgasm. Remeber that women use their minds during sex, and men use their eyes. The sight of you performing the act will drive him crazy, as long as you look as if you are really enjoying it. Go slowly, try to fit it all in and on't be afraid to gag (they love it), pay him compliments, tell him it is too big to fit into your mouth, tell him he tastes great, and take your time. Let him see your tongue working, don't keep your mouth closed over it or he won't see too much. And, mainly, ask him what he likes. Some men like the feel of teeth going up and down, alot of men don't. I suggest gently (very gently) stroking his balls whilst you are doing it. To be honest with you, most men are just grateful you're doing it at all, so just relax, take your time, enjoy the feeling of it (it really is wonderful and can make you feel so very powerful). Best of luck x

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