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How can I learn to accept he wants someone else but still loves me?

Tagged as: Cheating, Marriage problems, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 October 2011) 7 Answers - (Newest, 17 October 2011)
A female United Kingdom age , *edupwife91 writes:

My partner has decided to start looking for other female company on chat sites. We got into a situation of our doing but I found I could not cope with the situation. He cannot understand that I have feelings that get hurt. It is destroying our marriage and I don't know what to do any more. How can I learn to accept that he wants someone else but still says he loves me.

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A female reader, chickpea2011 United States +, writes (17 October 2011):

chickpea2011 agony auntI am surprise that you are willing to learn how to accept your husband behavior, and choice? Why? Why do you want to choose to live this way? Of course, hurts your feelings, anybody would in your situation.

How dare he even be so open about it, expect you to accept his behavior. What's the point of being married, being together, if he doesn't respect you? I understand you love him, but why can't you tell him take you won't accept, and if not you will leave him? Is it because he financially supports you?

People all over the world break up, leave their partners while they are fully in love, sometimes you have to, you have no other choice. I am sure you are an nice woman, deserve much more than this?

Hope you can find peace with your husband, make the right decision, and truly wish you the best. Good luck

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A female reader, RedAthena United States +, writes (12 October 2011):

RedAthena agony auntWhy do you have to accept it? What is he expecting you to do? Give permission to see relationships/sex outside your relationship? Did you agree to an open relationship?

If not, speak up and tell him you are not ok with it. It is fine to say-I do not want to share!

If he can not understand your feelings-put him out on his tush and wish him well in his new life, without you!

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A female reader, KittieS United Kingdom +, writes (11 October 2011):

KittieS agony auntNo way should you accept this!

Reading between the lines, I'm guessing you have had some sort of sexual experimentation of late, where another person has been involved??

If it wasn't for you he needs to 100% accept it wasn't, your his wife he should care about your feelings.

Female friends are one thing, actively seeking out what I'm guessing is at least flirty conversations with women, that you don't approve of is very wrong.

You need to consider what you want, but understand this may just not be the man for you and I know it is hever that simple but how will you ever trust him.

You deserve to be happy

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A female reader, person12345 United States +, writes (11 October 2011):

person12345 agony auntWhy should you have to accept it? He should have to accept that he agreed to a monogamous relationship with you and if he can't deal, you leave him to his websites. Short of you telling him you want him to have another partner I cannot think of any situation of your doing where it's appropriate to seek out another partner.

And like someone else said, it's not that he doesn't understand it hurts you, it's that he doesn't care.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (11 October 2011):

So_Very_Confused agony auntYOU don't learn to accept it.

If you don't want it you say NO. IF he insists he has to leave.

but I doubt it's that simple. It never is.

can you elaborate as to why you think it's ok for him to seek outside companionship?

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011):

The good thing about these sites is the way they seperate good from bad partners. Its not that he cannot accept it hurts you,its that he does not care whether it does or not. He doesn t still love you,otherwise he wouldn t be on them.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (11 October 2011):

No, you should not accept that. It is disrespectful on his part. He can't have his cake and eat it too. It is wrong for him to disregard your feelings.

Tell him he must choose. Either you or them. He can't have both. If he really loved you, he would understand. How would he feel if you were looking for a new man on a chat site?

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