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How can I improve my social skills so that I can hold on to a job and improve my life?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Family, Friends, Health, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (11 March 2015) 4 Answers - (Newest, 12 March 2015)
A female United Kingdom age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I am scared what will happen to me as I have no useful skills and no future. I am a social pariah, so out of 100 desperate job applicants you would not pick me. Lucky for me I have a nice family and my mum lets me live in the house, but at 27 I need to sort my life out.

I got decent grades at college and school and a pointless university degree. I quickly discovered when applying for jobs in a recession- no one cares. So I worked for free in a government type job for 3 years and still I am not worthy of a wage packet.

Then I did anything I could. You need a book for my CV! For various reasons I ended up leaving/or being 'encouraged' to leave from all my jobs. People say I am unlucky but the odds are it must be me. I have been replaced in a job by someone who then stole from the employer.

My social skills are so bad that someone with rather employ a thief who can be a 'fake' friend, than me. I have no idea what I do so wrong that people can't work with me.

I now work part time in the family business and I love it there.

Sadly, there is not enough money for me to move out or get on with my life. Also I am not sure how long the company will go for, certainly not the rest of my working life. I enjoyed working in the factory more than the office so I wanted to learn a trade and I can finally have a useful skill.

I want someone to judge my work, not me as a person. I can do the apprenticeship with my family company, which is great but now I find out the college course is 4grand because I'm an over-the-hill. A person who did not decide quick enough what to do with life!.No way I am asking my family to pay that. I feel like I've hit a brick wall and no clue what to do now.

View related questions: money, university

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A male reader, Sageoldguy1465 United States +, writes (12 March 2015):

Sageoldguy1465 agony auntCripes.... if I was going to write a novel about a person who was a useless nobody.... I would contact YOU to help me write the manuscript.....

Go back through your submittal.... put a check mark on all the negative words you used to describe yourself... then... NEVER, EVER say those words about yourself again!!!!

Are you CRAZY???? You have PLENTY to offer the World.... and a prospective EMPLOYER... and anyone ELSE who has sense enough to see what a great lady you are....

NOW.... get your cute little ass out there and TURN AROUND all that B/S that you enumerated here.... AND... I expect you to come on here in six months and write: "Damn, Sageoldguy, you were correct. I really AM a great girl.. and needed to get your electronic kick-in-the-ass.... to get me to see that the only impediment to my getting on in life, was ME"......

I'll be waiting for that.....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 March 2015):

Thanks for the replies.

I wasn't specifically asked to leave, I worded that a bit wrong. One job I left because it was just bad and I had a contract so I had to stay at least 6months or pay them money for my training (guess nobody wants to stay in that job!). After one week I knew I would be leaving at 6 months. I never took a day off ever holiday or sick, then asked for one day over a month in advance, because I was in a band at the time and we had a first gig. They told me OK then the day before (over 1 month later) I couldn't have it anymore. So I went sick, obv they gave me a disciplinary, I left as soon as my 6 months was up which was shortly after.

The general theme with others seems to be me making a stupid mistake or annoying people I guess, or one job told me I asked too many questions, when I should know already. Others were more personal saying other people didn't like me or that I'm dishonest. (That employer did apologise to me after -apparently another employee had made something up to get rid of me- but I didn't want to work there after that so I left). I am always surprised by the people that don't like me as they seems to be the ones who are most friendly to me, that's what I can't stand it's so false.

There's a story behind them all, but to be honest odds are it's my fault. It can't be everyone else. I just don't fit in with people I spent my whole time at school with everyone calling me a freak/weirdo and now I am getting it in a more underhand way in the workplace. That's why I wanted to learn a skill, so I can be paid for that, not me as a person. But it seems to expensive an option.

I've only ever got feedback from one interview, they said I didn't have enough experience ''or perhaps I did but I didn't talk about it enough'' (that was the one where I'd done the job for free for 3 years).

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A female reader, RubyBirtle United Kingdom +, writes (11 March 2015):

Why do you consider yourself a social paraiah? Do you have difficulty making friends or getting on with people?

Who "encouraged" you to leave certain jobs? What did they cite as reasons why you should?

Have you attended job interviews? Did they give any feedback as to why you were unsuccessful?

Sorry to ask questions rather than give advice at this stage but I feel it might be useful.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (11 March 2015):

Honeypie agony auntDo you have time to volunteer? It will give you something for your CV but also chance to improve your social skill. Unfortunately it doesn't help you financially (YET).

Being encouraged to leave is NOT good for a CV. What were the real reason for you being asked over and over to leave? Did you not mesh well with others? Did you under-perform?

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