A
male
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hell. Ok so here is my story, i met this great person on a game on xbox live, a few months ago. we talked for a little while and added each other on facebook and have talked on there. By the way im a 16 year old guy and she is 22 (not sure if this matters but she has a 1 year old baby and is single)Anyway so she sent me a message last week saying that she had a dream about me and described it so i asked her what that means and she said maybe she likes me. well today i told her that i had recently had a dream involving her and that i liked her she responded by telling me she also likes me and when i brought up the age difference she said "age is but a number" and when i said that we cant meet because she is in london and i am a few hours away doing my 6th form course.So i only have weekends free which i spend with my dad. when i told her this she was upset. where do we go from here? i have never had a gf before or cared about relationships. I think our age gap is a big concern. what do i do? also with the baby involved. she has said she wants us to be a "couple"
View related questions:
facebook Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (18 September 2012):
 Of course you two can stay friends. As long as you understand that there are line you shouldn't cross.
And I agree with SVC - you only hear her side of the story. There are always two sides. Now the baby-daddy could be a total douche and maybe he's not. It really doesn't matter, just be her friend and don't let the "fantasy" of closeness let you think there is a relationship beyond friendship.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 September 2012):
 I wish I was 32 and my back wasn't so broken...
if wishes were horses, beggars would ride.... as the saying goes.
OF course you can remain friends... BE advised that any woman with a child who wants to be friends with a 16 yr old boy is probably not mature enough even if you guys are still friends in a few years.
as for the baby daddy... all you hear is her POV... which is only half the truth.
Guard yourself carefully with her friendship, do not let her suck you into to feed her needs...
when you are older the age gap is nothing...
when my fiance was 16 I was 29.... not that I would have gone after him at that point.
...............................
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (17 September 2012):
 I find it really wierd that a woman 22 with a child would even BEGIN to come on to a 16 year old, spooky if you ask me.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for all your comments. i know she is too old but i like her i wish she was more my age and without a baby boy. by the way we actualy talk as in speaking and the babys dad is a waste of space he never wanted a kid and their relationship went from bad to worse. basicly he just did more and more so that she would kick him out of their lives. i will tell that our age gap is too large and that we could never meet anyway. but should we stay friends?
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you for all your comments. i know she is too old but i like her i wish she was more my age and without a baby boy. by the way we actualy talk as in speaking and the babys dad is a waste of space he never wanted a kid and their relationship went from bad to worse. basicly he just did more and more so that she would kick him out of their lives. i will tell that our age gap is too large and that we could never meet anyway. but should we stay friends?
...............................
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 September 2012):
NO... she's too old and in a totally different place from where you are.
you are game friends that's all.
...............................
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (17 September 2012):
No, just no.
You only have the game in common, you have BARELY lived life (no offense) she is already and adult and a parent to boot.
Let it go, find someone you have more in common with and who is in the same age/maturity group as yourself.
...............................
A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 September 2012):
 You are right to be concerned by your age gap, it simply is not going to work. As a single 22 year old mom she needs a man in her life who is ready to settle down, who can be a stable influence on her life and who can easily see her whenever possible. You are a 16 year old, with no idea (no offence meant here) on how to raise a child, you are still young and should be having fun, not getting serious with a girl who has a child. Your life would be over before you knew it, she would be very demanding and it would be a lot of hard work.
Plus you dont have the time to be with her, as you said your weekends are with your dad, you are still at 6th form so school work is a big part of your life too. She wont ever be happy with a boyfriend who she sees for a few hours every couple of months, she would be upset a lot of the time because of that and would cause you a lot of grief.
Battista hits the nail on the head - you have nothing in common apart from the xbox, and that is not a good sign for a relationship! She is all grown up with a baby, money worries, a job....all the usual stuff that comes with responsibilities like a child. Whereas you are still pretty much a child yourself, many many years away from being settled down with children.
I think you need to talk to her and explain that while you really like her, you think that you live too far away from each other for this to ever work and that the age difference is too big for you to deal with. Tell her you would like to be friends but you cannot be anything more.
I hope this helps and good luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (17 September 2012):
OP I don't think it's just the age which is a problem here.
The two of you have nothing in common (seemingly) except playing on the xbox. Maybe there are other things but you haven't listed them here. You've never met each other, you live several hours apart and you seem to be at completely different stages in your lives. You're at sixth form studying, good for you. Good qualifications are so important, especially in this day and age. If you're at college during the week and see your dad at the weekend, then you don't have the time - or the money maybe as well- to spend several hours travelling to see this woman. You need the spend the weekend seeing your dad, seeing your mates, doing homework, whatever. To start spending your weekends travelling long distances to see a 22 year old with a baby will put a stop to all that and also make you tired. It's just not feasible, I would say.
I also think that your gut instincts- the doubts- are completely right. The woman is 22- when I was 22 I would like to think I would have known better than to try and hook up with a 16 year old. It's not meant to be a criticism of you, but the age gap does matter that this stage, because you are both at such different stages in life. I think she is being irresponsible wanting to make the two of you a couple- it's not the best thing for any of you involved. Do you want to be involved in the baby's life? What do you know about its father etc etc?
I personally think you should stop communicating with her. She needs someone nearer her age and location, as would you. I personally think it's a bit odd for a 22 yr old with a child to be trying to hook up with young guys over the xbox.
By the way, have you ever spoken to her or do you just message each other?
Good luck and keep us posted
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2012): Well because you're 16, the age gap isn't really an issue by law, but probably more by maturity levels. She's a 22 year old single mum, you're 16, never had a relationship and are in college making a go at your life. Why throw that away to be stuck in a relationship with someone who has a child and would expect a boyfriend to be a father figure to her baby and help bring her child up? I very much doubt you would be able to take on that role at 16.
I'm actually very surprised she would consider getting into a relationship with someone of 16 when she's fully aware of the responsibility she would be putting on you.
Ultimately though, the decision is yours. Its easy for people to tell you not to get with her because you would be throwing your life away, but you have the feelings for her, not us.
...............................
|
