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How can I handle his control-freak son-in-law??

Tagged as: Dating, Family<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (28 November 2007) 1 Answers - (Newest, 29 November 2007)
A female United States age , anonymous writes:

I need help with this one!!!!

The man that i have been dating is 69 years old and i am 65 yrs old. He has a son-in-law that wants to control him and everyone else. He wants to tell my man who to date and anything else that pretains to me and him.

His son-in-law controls my man's daughter. He will not even let her get the mail out of the mail box, he gets it when he comes home after work. He told my mans daughter (his wife) that she has lost a father and her father has lost a grandson. He said this because he told her that she could no longer see her father nor call him if he has me in his life. The inhertience that he will get one day after my man dies is a concern, however this is not his only concern. He always wants my man to do projects for him at the house so he can go and have his fun watching football etc; they are expecting twin in a few months and he has done nothing to prepare the nursery. He is waiting for my man to go to their house and do it.

He loves for my man to take his daughter out to eat because it makes him not to have to be responsible for what he needs to be responsible for. She does not cook for her husband when her father takes her out to eat. It does not upset her husband because i guess he feels that her father will meet her needs for eating out and this relieves him of having to take care of this.

This family has lived like this for a very long time. How do you guys recommend that i handle this? I have been dating this man for 3 years and we should have been married or at least engaged by now. It is because he is waiting for his family's approval and i do not belive they will ever give it to him. His extended family also tries to control his life too; my man is a people pleaser and an enabler. Please tell me how i can best handle this............his son-in-law is a control freak. Thanks!!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (29 November 2007):

You have not mentioned one single thing that this son in law has personally done to you?? It seems like it is all speculation on your part. You claim that this guy is dictating everybody's life. But to be controlled you have to let yourself be controlled. So it is a two way street here.

As long as nothing illegal is going on I don't really think it is any of your business how his daughter and her husband wish to live their lives. You can speculate all you want about how you see things playing out but it is none of your business.

I think it is ironic how you complain that you find his son in law controlling and intrusive but by what you have said, so are you!

You really need to stay out of their lives and not put the blame on them for the fact that your guy hasn't married you. It is not their fault. Your boyfriend is an adult. You are putting so much strain on your heart by worrying about something so petty. I think you shoud focus on trying to be happy.

Your boyfriend is the only guy you should be concerned about. If you have concerns talk to him. But don't just play the blame game and blame other people for your problems. That's not fair.

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