A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been dating for three months. Recently while at his place his Messenger popped up with a loud kiss inviting him to a falling hearts chat room. Her e-mail starts off as Hey babe. I asked him about this female before and he said she was just a girl from his old job. Am I being paranoid or is he not telling the truth about her be just some girl? He says he never answers her invites so I shouldn't care about it. I feel if she's "just a girl" then she wouldn't be sending such intimate invitations. How can I get through to him that this makes me uncomfortable without sounding nagging or insecure?
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female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (29 August 2007):
 Sorry about that last response! My computer sent the last answer before I had edited it and cleaned it up. So let me finish my train of thought:
Simply ask him why a friend would address him as "babe". That clearly implies more intimacy than friendship. And if he doesn't respond to her invites, it seems odd that she would continue to invite him over and over. Most women would get the hint after awhile and stop inviting. You might ask him why she persists.
Since your relationship is so new, you may have to sit back and watch things for awhile. It's usually better not to make too many demands early on. Just keep your eyes open and don't be afraid to tell him when things are happening that you feel are going to come between you. It usually takes a man quite awhile to tie up the "loose ends" he had with other women when he finally does meet a woman he wants to be with long term. Many men keep a string of "back up" women they call friends for those "just in case" instances when they want someone to fall back on for companionship, or sex. Pay close attention to things for awhile and you'll know if he's a player or truly committed. Good luck.
A
female
reader, Sugarbuns +, writes (29 August 2007):
Simply ask him why a friend would address him as "babe". That clearly implies more intimacy than friendship. And if he doesn't respond to her invites, it seems odd that she would continue to invite him over and over. Most women would get the hint after awhile and stop inviting. You might ask him why she persists.
state that you are uncomfortable with her e-mailing him and the way she addressed him ("Hey babe") eludes to more than just a friendship. Let him explain why a "friend" would calling him "babe". After he does so, you'll have to sit quiet for awhile and see what else develops. Four months into a relationship is hardly the time to set too many boundaries or restrictions, but it's okay to be honest about your level of comfort and then see if the e-mails disappear. If he never responds to her invites, it seems odd that she wouldn't have gotten the hint by now, and stopped iniviting him.
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A
female
reader, Beckto +, writes (29 August 2007):
 I'd be concerned. Follow up on this. Any flirting he does with her should be the kind of flirting he would feel comfortable doing in front of you. Let him know this. Obviously he can't control how she talks to him, for instance, but if she's being inappropriate even while he is staying within boundaries (doubtful as it is), then he needs to tell her to back off.
Most likely, he's flirting back, which is why it's continuing. Watch him like a hawk and keep the lines of communication open as much as possible.
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