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How can I get past the fact that I'm not tall, improve my confidence and successfully date women?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Family, Friends, Health, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (24 November 2015) 9 Answers - (Newest, 29 November 2015)
A male age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Ashamed to be a short man. I don't feel like I have the same potential as a taller man. Anything positive that I do would be much better if done by a taller man. I am also the shortest guy in my family and every time I meet a relative, family friend or friend of my parents my lack of stature is one of the first things they say about me.

I read a research paper about height and attraction, where short men where called "lesser males" and the conclusion was that women want taller men but will settle for a shorter male out off necessity/desperation.

My friends who are the same height as me have all been cheated on, manipulated and abused by their girlfriends past and present.

I'm trying to become more confident and try to date but I'm struggling to find inspiration in life. I feel like I was worthless from birth

View related questions: confidence

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A female reader, maverick494 United States +, writes (29 November 2015):

Most actors in Hollywood are actually quite short and look at the attention they get! Personally, as a tall girl (I'm 5'10") I could care less about height. If I limit my options to men who are taller than me I cut out a lot of great, compatible people.

And height really isn't interesting to me.

I used to have huge hangups about the shape of my body. I scar pretty badly and was ashamed of whatever a boyfriend would think if he discovered not so perfect skin under my clothes. I met a guy when I was probably in the worst shape of my life. I felt so inadequate compared to him and yet he didn't seem to view me that way at all. He gave me compliments, made me feel good about myself, or as far as I could feel good about myself anyway.

I learned to let go of things I couldn't change about myself after that. I can't change the look of my scars. I could improve the shape of my body and my confidence, so I did. My boyfriend loved me regardless; he just wanted me to be happy.

So my advice to you is to stop worrying about something you have no control over. You're short. So what. It tells me absolutely nothing about who you are. So don't let it define you. Focus on other traits, hobby's, talents and work on those.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (26 November 2015):

my boyfriend is shorter than me but it doesnt bother me I still love him so much so please dont get to hung up on height :) im sure your a lovely guy if a girl wont date you because of your height you got to think to yourself... wow is she really worth it ?

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2015):

I'm 5'3'' and I've dated a man the same size as me, I've dated people over 6 ft and people who are very short, bottom line is the height of a person makes no difference what so ever to me.

I have such a thing for Al Pacino and he's 5'6'' certainly wouldn't ever reject a guy like him! :)

What I don't really like, however, is when a short guy tries to make himself seem like a tough guy to try and make up for his size. You know like a Napolean complex or something. There's nothing worse than a cocky man.

Just be yourself and be nice to people, honestly I think men worry about this so unnecessarily.

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A female reader, followtheblackrabbit Cayman Islands +, writes (25 November 2015):

followtheblackrabbit agony auntIf you focus too much on height, that's limiting yourself. Honestly, where I live, most men are 5'8 or under. Doesn't stop them :) they're out there flirting and charming ladies. Like the other Aunts said, it's about inner confidence. I once got turned down by a shorter man I thought was incredibly hot cause he was taken and preferred his women at about 6ft :) My current boyfriend is 5'7, my height exactly and what really attracted me was his humor and mischievous grin. He has this whole "f*ck the world, this is my life" attitude that fascinates me. He's also the sweetest man I've ever had the honor of calling my boyfriend :) a shallow friend of mine told me to my face that he was "too short" for me and how would I ever wear heels?! Pfft. Any woman who'd chose heels over a fantastic man is downright mental. So embrace the height, and get yourself out there. If WeeMan from Jackass can find himself women, you bet that you can and will too.

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A female reader, Ivyblue Australia +, writes (25 November 2015):

Ivyblue agony auntShort men are considered "lesser males" ...What a load of crap! that is just as insulting and stupid as saying a woman is less of a woman having a mastectomy. Not a primary source of information I would be taking any notice of. I read that dating a shorter guy makes the average woman look like a super model. Now I'd fancy that.I would suspect that your mates issues with past and present partners is due to poor choice of character and not caused by there height.Have you googled dating sites for short people. If you think short,you'll be short. Love yourself and someone will want to love you back.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (25 November 2015):

You're definitely not worthless.

All of the Sales Executives at my job are all short. And they're all very successful. I've found that shorter guys exude more confidence and are more sure of themselves than taller men. Not all but some. Look at things from a positive outlook. So you're short. Ok but do you have all of you're limbs? Can you see? Can you hear? Are you able to walk? Does your penis work?

We have a tendency to overlook all of the great things about life. Everybody's got something about themselves that they don't like. Personally I've worn glasses since I was 3 yrs old. I hated it. I felt limited as a child because all I heard was "you better not break you're glasses". I really had a complex about it. Guys would say you're cute but you wear glasses. As I got older I couldn't wear contacts because of a severe astigmatism. So I had to learn to accept that I will always wear glasses. There's nothing I can do about it.

You can't worry about things you can't change. And you can't change your height. But you can change your perspective on life. Be positive. Be grateful for the things you do have. ;)

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A male reader, anonymous, writes (24 November 2015):

Aunts kissdesign and mystiquek have said it all . I just want to add that there are short girls too which you can date. In fact there are more short girls than tall girls so you shouldn't have difficulty in finding one if you don't restrict your self by your self imposed assumptions.

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A female reader, mystiquek United States + , writes (24 November 2015):

mystiquek agony auntThere are women that like taller men, that is for sure. There are also women that like shorter men, bigger men, heavier men...etc...but now that we've gotten that out of the way, let me say this.

Most women like a man who has confidence. I don't mean overly arrogant or cocky, but a man who is sure of himself. A man who has a sense of humor goes a very long way too. You are lacking the confidence, sweetie.

Look at some men that are famous..Michael J Fox (5'4"), Dudley Moore was only 5'2", Robert Downey Jr., Tom Cruise...none of these men are over 5'8" and yet every one of them likes the tall ladies and never had trouble getting the beautiful ladies! Ok, you can say that they are movie stars..but the fact of the matter is..they all bring something else to the table...they believe in themselves. Dudley Moore would go out with leggy leggy ladies some over 6'0" and they absolutely ADORED him. Why? He was incredibly funny!

When I was in high school there were a couple of guys that were about 5'3" and the girls loved him, they always had a girlfriend. Why? They were charming and funny and never for a minute let their height get in the way.

My son is 5'7", he's certainly no giant, but girls chase him and follow him around..why? It isn't that he especially good looking (I think so but he's my son!) but its because he is funny and very sure of himself. He makes the girls laugh and makes them feel good to be around him.

I myself don't like large men and would pick a smaller man anytime especially if he is a good talker, can make me laugh and is kind.

BELIEVE in yourself sweetie. Work on your good points..know how to talk to people, make people laugh, and above all BELIEVE in YOURSELF! You would be amazed how far just being charming and attentive will get you. I promise!

Good luck!

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A female reader, kissdesign  +, writes (24 November 2015):

Age doesn't matter as well as height in terms of Love. Confidence is everything. I have my classmate in college who is now very successful in life. He focused on his skills to boosts his confidence to overshadow his lack of height. Frankly, we girls are more attracted to guys who are accomplished regardless of looks etc. Evaluate yourself, harsen your talents or learn new skills. In terms of relationship, I dont think I dwell so much on that, speaking for myself. Its a mere coincidence that your friends experienced those things. I bet even taller guys has been cheated on, manipulated etc in a relationship. Cheer up. When you find your passion let it nourish your confidence and trust me your height will be your last concern. Goodluck!

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