A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:Hi there.So I think my friend has feelings for me, and it's kind of a sticky situation because he's not only my friend, but my boyfriend's friend as well.I'm in a happy relationship of 3 years with a wonderful guy who treats me well. He has a bit of a temper problem and we don't always see eye to eye on everything, but other than that and some of my own issues we work great together.This friend is incredibly sweet and handsome and we get along quite well. I'm a very touchy person with everyone, always hugging or leaning on friends, things like that but it feels different with him. I feel like I'm dating him sometimes, we're so close. We haven't done anything bad, but more and more I'm feeling attracted to him and I don't know what to do.I'm generally not the type to think anyone is ever interested in me, but with him it's pretty blatantly clear.I have so much more in common with him my boyfriend and I do. We have the same sense of humor and he makes me feel good about myself. I think to some degree I'm just feeding my ego and enjoying the attention, but I actually genuinely like him as a person and I know if I were single, I would try something in a heart beat.I keep having dreams about him, thinking about him. I can't help it. It would be easier if it were obviously one sided but it isn't. I know it's not uncommon to get little crushes when in a relationship but it's driving me mad.How can I get over this silly, school girl crush?
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (10 September 2015):
 Oh you are not going to like my answer, which is stay away from this friend. This is a classic case of three is a crowd, or the grass is greener on the other side. You flirt enough to get your needs met for attention, but not enough to be considered cheating. What some friends do, especially single ones, are to test their attractiveness by flirting with their best friends' girlfriends. There might be a little bit of jealousy, a little bit of "what does he have but I don't?"
Let's think of different scenarios of how this plays out. You decide your boyfriend does not satisfy you, and you end it for this friend. It probably won't bode well as it is a taboo to date your ex's friend. You continue to flirt with this friend, bordering on disrespecting your boyfriend and your crush drives you mad. Or, you focus on your boyfriend's strengths and stop dwelling and fantasizing about this other friend. You might not want to think it is a harmless thing to flirt with your boyfriend's friend. All it takes is accumulated passion, a moment of weakness, a little too much to drink for cheating to happen. As this crush is driving you mad already, you may be in denial and justifying your behaviour.
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 September 2015):
 Do you think it's possible that this silly, school girl crush on a guy who doesn't have a bit of a temper problem, who is incredibly sweet and has more in common with you than your boyfriend even after 3 years with your boyfriend, might be a sign that you're coming to realize that you are dating the wrong guy for you?
Have you been with your boyfriend since you were 15 and you're now 18?
Is it silly to want to spend time with a guy who makes you feel good about yourself and doesn't have a bit of a temper problem?
What don't you see eye to eye on, and how does that affect your relationship? Are your issues causing problems only for you or for others as well?
I wouldn't advocate breaking up with the boyfriend and start dating the friend. I would advocate having a long look at the relationship with your boyfriend and think about that temper problem, the eye to eye stuff and your issues and how that will play out going forward.
Sweet wonderful crush dude may be your next awesome boyfriend or he may be your wake up call that your current relationship is not healthy and it's time to end it and find another sweet wonderful man without temper problems.
I realize my answer is a bit vague. Perhaps expanding on that temper issue, the eye to eye stuff and the personal issues could provide more for the next aunts to give additional advice.
If you want to get over a silly, school girl crush for real, you could put distance between you and the sweet dude, no touchy feeling hanging out stuff, put a rubber band on your wrist and snap it whenever you start getting googly eyed thoughts about him.
I think you don't really want to get over the crush and are asking for our permission to end the relationship with your boyfriend, but that's just a wild guess on my part. :)
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