A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am in a relationship with a man I love. We live together but I am so jealous. I get jealous when he talks to other girls or even watches television. He loves the show "So you think you can dance" and I hate it. I get sick to my stomach every time it is on. My question is how can I get over my jealously. It's not like Im some young girl, I'm over 40 so you wouldn't think I would still be acting like this. I have had some bad relationships. I've been with this guy now for three years. I can't hardly take it anymore. Even when the 18 year old girl next door lays out in her bikini I about go crazy thinking he will see her, (which he has and I got very mad). I just hate feeling like this. Any suggestions? Thank you
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (12 July 2012):
 Have you considered self help books? There are loads on amazon for very reasonable prices especially if you buy secondhand.
Reading self help books can help you understand how to cope with jealousy and what may be fuelling it.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 July 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all your advice. I agree that I probably do need a psychotherapist. The only problem is I don't have any insurance nor the extra money to pay for one. I really feel like I'm out of control and hate the way I'm feeling. I want a happy jealousy free life just like you said. Do you have any suggestions for me until I can get some insurance to go to therapy. Thanks for any advice you can give me.
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A
male
reader, MikeEa1  +, writes (12 July 2012):
 you should get some counselling. my 2nd wife was very jealous and my first wife was very unfaithful so I have been on both sides of the fence. you have to know if your jealousy has any substance and then you have to learn how to deal with the feelings. its a complicated area as mens and womens perceptions are very different. auntyem got it right, one way or another you need a jealously free life for a happy future.
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A
female
reader, IamJess +, writes (12 July 2012):
 Its probably from your previous bad relationships, but you need to get over this either get help or sort it out in your own way, because you might eventually drive him into the ground with your relationship too.
Not every man is actually the same, they may be some good ones out there, and he is with you for a reason, some men aren't interested in other women when they've got the one they want, I think you need to think deeply why your jealous and wonder if its going to do any good, or just think is it worth it.
Hope all goes well for you though.
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (12 July 2012):
You don't need a psychotherapist to tell you that your jealousies probably stem from your past...being cheated on or abused in some way leaves a mark that takes a long time to heal.
It's such a shame because you are obviously in a good relationship (hard to find) and you have love between you but it's in danger of being destroyed by yout unfounded fears.
Now you probably do need a good psychotherapist to unravel your inner thoughts and bring you to a place where you feel happy and safe with yourself and your partner...
You know things are going to break if you don't get help, so get yourself to some help and hopefully you will learn some good solid coping mechanisms that will help you and your partner have a long and happy (jealousy free) life together.
xxxx
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