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female
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anonymous
writes: I can't get over being sexually assaulted by my ex. He told me he was asleep and I stupidly believed him at first and stayed with him. Then I broke up with him eventually for other reasons, but reported the incident, knowing nothing would happen to him, but I was so sick of thinking about it all the time, trying to figure out if what he did was a crime or not. I'm exhausted, have been through therapy, but nothing seems to work. I guess my main question is how do I get over the fact that I stayed with him after he did this to me (and continued to have sex with him throughout the rest of the relationship). I feel like I'm going crazy!
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): Assuming he IS out of your life, I mean.
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 September 2006): There is a lot I could say to answer this, but in direct answer to how to get over it, assuming he is not out of your life, to move on you need really accept that this was not your fault, and that just because you stayed in the relationship does NOT mean that what he did is any more acceptable.
You also need "forgive" this man, not to his face, but to yourself. You need to find it in your heart to understand WHY he treated you in this way. For someone to do what they did to you, they would have probably been mistreated, abused or neglected at a time in their life, probably when they were most vulnerable as a child. You need to see this perspective, because it will help seperate the confusing feelings that you have right now; feelings that are stopping you from "letting go" and "moving on". With time, you will get over what has happened to you, and you will once again get back your confidence, assurance, ability to trust, love and share intimacy with someone new.
Good luck. And finally, never ever doubt what happened to you, sexual assualt is barely understood by another but those who suffer it, or those professionals that have to deal with people who have suffered from it. You are not alone, your feelings are real and never let any one tell you what happened was in any way your fault, because it wasn't.
Peter
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2006): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionAll I know is what he did was rape, I said no, and he still had the ability to say "don't you want it?" It was dark so I couldn't see his face, but I don't regret reporting the incident, because what he did was in fact sexual assault which many therapists have assured me of. Anyways, I didn't press charges because it was so much later than the fact, and I knew nothing would come of it. But, it doesn't mean he didn't do it, and I can't believe once again I am sitting here defending myself (it seems like no one really believes me). I guess you have to go through it to understand.
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female
reader, sarah y +, writes (15 September 2006):
By taking it a day at a time.It`s obviously a hard time for you and it will take time for the mental scars to heal.Ideally you should consult your gp and explain that therapy has not helped as he/she may have other suggestions and avenues you could go down.As for you staying with him for a period after it happened some people find that they face reality and have the strength to walk away others subconsciously feel they don`t want tobe left and the behaviour of there partner is acceptable.Just pop and see your gp to see if there are other options or help available........Good luck.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 September 2006): i doubt you can prosecute him now. You havent explained this thoroughly enough for me to understand exactly what happened but it sounds like he forced sex on you and claimed he was asleep. I watched a programme about sleepwalking rapists a while ago and although it does happen its extremely rare. Did he have a glazed look in his eyes- almost glassy. anyway the most important thing is to sort your head out. talk to a friend about it. if your not carefull and you accuse him without the law on your side to people it may get back to him and he may say you are being slanderous(in other words sue). sounds like you have low self esteem, make sure you eat properly and take a strong b vitamin complex. This will sooth you racing thoughts. its hard to eat when stressed. and get a life of your own that isnt the half carcass of a sour relationship. then you'll have a lot to think about that doesnt revolve around what is gone, but what is!
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