A
female
age
18-21,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I already posted this question once and only got two responses-please help!!!!I have a partner of two years and we recently split (about six months ago) for a short period of time. During this time, I was really low on confidence and started sleeping with a male friend of mine. At first i thought it was 'love' (because i was constantly excited about seeing him, lusting after him etc) but now i realise that he isn't right for me and it was infatuation. We never got together officially, it was just kind of a sexual arrangement on my part. although i did tell him that i love him (because i do care for him deeply).Now I'm back with my partner and I don't know how to break away from the other guy. I tried once (about a month ago) and i cried for days, i felt really lost without him. The thing is, this guy now says that he sees us as in a relationship? So technically I'm seeing two guys! The last few weeks I've deliberately not been in contact as much and when i text him I'll put the friendly 'one-kiss' at the end. How can I get out of this without hurting people? I hate the thought of upsetting either of them. Hope you can help!
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female
reader, lexilou + ♥, writes (30 April 2008):
 I think you have to be honest with both of them. If it blows up in your face you could lose them both but you cant carry on like this. If your boyfriend finds out in the future that you didnt tell him about this other man he may not forgive you - he may not now but at least you wont have to carry any guilty secrest around with you. I think you've just sort of got swept up in a mess rather than deliberately hurt anyone so honesty may be the best option. Good luck x
A
female
reader, hlskitten + ♥, writes (30 April 2008):
 Hi
You need to grow a back bone and tell the new guy you are giving it another go with your ex. Its quite simple really. Otherwise you are gonna fall flat on your face and end up with none of them.
C xxxx
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A
female
reader, Susan Strict +, writes (30 April 2008):
 Without hurting anyone? You can't.
All you can do is make your decision (which it looks like you have already done) and then say "I'm sorry I can't see you any more."
What you really can't do is carry on with both of them, because sooner or later the whole thing will explode and everyone will get hurt.
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A
male
reader, oldfool  + ♥, writes (30 April 2008):
 You've got to decide which one you want.
You say: "At first i thought it was 'love' but now i realise that he isn't right for me and it was infatuation... We never got together officially, it was just kind of a sexual arrangement on my part. although i did tell him that i love him ."
Then you tell us that "I tried [to break up] once (about a month ago) and i cried for days, i felt really lost without him."
It's quite simple. You've got to make up your mind which one you want, and then you've got to tell the other guy exactly what the situation is. It would have to be on the lines of "I care for you very much but I love xxxx. I'm sorry, we can't have that kind of relationship".
If you can't make things clear because of a fear of hurting someone, I can't begin to tell you what a hellish mess awaits you further down the track. Everyone will get hurt, and you might end up losing both of them.
Sorry, but that's how it is.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2008): Hi Hunny
Your back with your b/f so you need to just put a stop to it by telling the other person involved hunny that you can no longer carry on being with him, I no you dont want to hurt anyone and your upset love, But if you dont do this then you will end up hurting two people as you cant carry on like this, You havent done anything wrong you fell for a friend at a time that you were vunerable and needing love...I understand your friendship is at stake and this must hurt, Im sorry for your pain love just talk with him and explain you care for him and you need now to take this time to sort your relationship out and you hope he understands..This is all you can do sweetheart, I hope this helped you can talk with me anytime, TAKE CARE WITH LOVE N HUGS MANDY XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX
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