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How can I get my girlfriend to relax more?

Tagged as: Dating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (12 February 2007) 2 Answers - (Newest, 12 February 2007)
A male , anonymous writes:

My girlfriend is really starting too irritate me now.

She makes things so difficult for me, such as making decisions. I feel too scared too say 'no' otherwise she will go all stubborn and moody on me. She can't accept a no and if things don't always go her way she gets moody too. I feel I always have too make excuses and bail myself out of certain things. For example the other day I was snowed in at her house, I had work early the next day at 9:00. There was no possible way for me too get there, or at least I didn't know that her dad would offer to take me back first thing. So because I made a few excuses up about 'not having my stuff' and 'having work the next day' she went mad and shouted 'Fine then go home!' while on the phone too my mum. She admits she has a sarcasm problem and when she speaks to people she often comes accross arrogant and she is like it with me a lot.

Also sorry too keep going on, but she accuses me of not wanting to see her if I don't sound enthusiastic enough about seeing her. She will say to me 'Come up mine early wednesday' which means she will be lying in bed still and not even be ready and I answer 'Yeah Yeah kewl' she will then accuse me of not wanting too see her.

She also accused me of not wanting her to learn to drive, just because I was trying to educate her on the fact that, cars are expensive to run and you won't get the car you've been dreaming about straight away. What annoyed me too is that she has an obsession with clothes and going shopping, and she only said she wants to drive because she can nip to the shops and apparently buy some more jeans! and then go home. Not, 'we can go out together for the day and go driving together'. Just all about herself, yet she lays the blame on me.

She blames her random accusations and sarcasm and mood swings on the fact we haven't seen each other much recently due too her working and getting too each other via transport.

She really loves me, and would do anything for me, however she doesn't seem the relaxed type that would mean most of what she says to me. She seems too uptight and analyses everything and watches me out the corner of her eye. If im not looking at her and looking elsewhere, she is wary and will make it obvious. I just feel Im a lot more relaxed than she is and If im making her feel this way what can I do!

Soz about ranting on!

I do love her

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A female reader, AskEve United Kingdom +, writes (12 February 2007):

AskEve agony auntShe's trying unknowingly to undermine you and control you yet she doesn't even know it. She sounds very insecure and is bringing you down with her. She's being so selfish it's unbelievable. You need to be more in control and stand up to her more. Make your own decisions and stick by them (taking her into consideration of course.) If she can see you being more assertive then she'll know she can only push you so far. If she continues to go on at you ask her... "what are you really wanting from me?" "DO you really love me?" "DO you really want to be with me?" Let her know she is trying to put the blame on you to harbour her own insecurities and that's not cool!

If she continues in this way suggest a break for a couple of weeks (or longer) and see what she says. She's got to change her ways and become more independent. Can you imagine what it would be like 10 years from now if you were to marry her and her the way she is now? It would never last! You would have no confidence and you'd feel totally belittled all the time. No... she has to shape up or YOU need to ship out!

Eve

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A female reader, delta United Kingdom +, writes (12 February 2007):

hello there just read your story on your girlfriend and to be honest she sounds a bit like me!i think she definately needs reassurance that you love her as she sounds a bit insecure she probably needs to get counselling which will make her understand where all this isecurity is coming from. try not to judge her or tell her she needs to relax as this will make it worse-she needs your understanding and caring. i myself am going to counselling as i have problems with self aeteem. you seem like a nice boyfriend writing in you obvoiusly really care about her.try your best to be supportive of her but if you are finding it hard or she trys to be abusive to you maybe you should take a break from her so she can sort herself out-goodluck!

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