A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:hope some of you out thyere can help me with this. Well my gf who ive bin with for 5months and have been best friends with her all my life has just lost her cousin through a long term disease that went un noticed for so long. The thing is she has agreed to be a mum to her cousins daughter legally when shes old enough as she already sees her as her mum and this is what she wants. She been under alot of stress with all this besides the fact of doing our exams and starting college.Also problems that have been going of with me and my mum which resorted in me running away. I now live with my girlfriends, her mum,dad,brother and sarah who is her cousins daughter as i would rather be there than with my mum as i seriously hate her. I've tryed to help her through everyday life and i've offered to do things for her but she just won't let me, one reason is because she knows what i've been through. I've told her i don't care about what happened between me and my mum and to forget about it because i have but she still won't let me help. I've tryed to get her to talk about it because i know that helps but she just won't do anything. She seems to carry on in normal everyday life which is fine but she gets very upset after and keeps saying she feels so alone and that she can't talk to anyone becuase of her getting upset. Have any of you got any suggestions on how to gte her to open up and help her and sarah for that matter becuase shes only 3 and although she knows whats gone off and knows who her real mum was it very hard her not fully understanding why her mum(my gf) gets upset alot. Any advice would be helpful thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2007): hi i was the one that wrote the question thnks for the reply.well basically what went off between us was that we never got on although shes always made sure there was food in the house she gave me enough money etc shes never been able to love me and has admitted it. When her and my dad were gonna split up just before he died she told me to go with him. She's never been able to love me and said shes sorry but she never will which doesnt bother me because i won't either. My gf's mum and dad let me live there because they've known me since i was a bavy i was always practically there anyway and they new i was happier there. I know 5 months isn't all that long but compared to the 16 years we've been friends and about 3 of those years we've been in love with each other but never did anything about it because she wasnt ready. But me and my mum have sorted things out when i moved in with them and im totally hapopy with them my mum gives my gf's mum and dad some money basically instead of me giving them rent and she said she will carry on doing this until im 18 as its her duty. I hope you understand this as its all very very complicated my gf knows its sorted she always told me i could stay there because she new how unhappy i was at home.So now im happy apart from having to see my gf like this and feeling like theres nothing i can do to make it better.
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (17 February 2007):
 Your girlfriend has her family around to help her through this if she wants anyone's help but I think she's worried more about you to be honest. You're still very young and you only have one mother, she doesn't want to burden you with her problems too.
5 months isn't long to be together and already you've moved in with her. The house must be quite crowded and I'm sure you AND her will find it difficult trying to get some time to yourself. She may not admit this but I think she's worried about YOU, that's why she can't talk to anyone about it. She can't talk to you about you and your mum's rift because you refuse to talk about it.
Take the initiative, deal with the problem between you and your mum first, sort it, THEN, once she sees how mature you've handled it, ask her if she needs help with her problems. I'm sure you and your mum getting back together will be a lot off her mind, even if you don't think so. There's an old saying... "if you're good to your mum you'll be good to your wife..." think about that! How can you sort someone else's problems when you can't deal/sort your own?
If you want to email me and tell me what happened between you and your mum then I'd love to help you some more.
Eve
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